Archive of entries posted on 21st July 2008

WEsistance Challenge: Operation Needs More PC

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I declare Operation Helpful Idiot a success.
Or at least fun.
Now it’s time for:
OPERATION NEEDS MORE PC
The Premise: It’s the next stage in the relationship. You still think WE is messianic, like a Green Obama, but still… you just can’t help noticing that one, tiny little flaw, and if only that were made right, you could go back to being blindly in love again.
This time, the problem is… something at the site doesn’t meet your hysterical, fanatical preference for political correctness. You feel that somewhere, somehow, SOME blessed group of exalted victims MIGHT be offended by something you’ve seen or read on the site.
Suggested format:
1) Brief acknowlegdement of the goodness of WE.
2) Your constructive criticism on how they can be more sensitive to those they’ve been insensitive to. Don’t be mean, here. You want to HELP. It’s like being brave enough to tell a friend he’s got bad breath. In this case, it’s the bad breath of insensitivity toward… blacks, whites, young, old, pirates, farmers, prostitutes, the illiterate, vision impaired, hearing impaired, children, people with food allergies, muppets, hemophiliacs, the colorblind… whatever. As before, try to keep it under 200 words to encourage folks to pass it around.
3) Sign off with some cliche lefty slogan and your hippie alias.
As usual, feel free to leave in a few typos and misspellings, just for flavor.
Sample letter:
Dear WE,

I think it’s great that there’s finally an organization that’s trying to save the whole planet. However, I can’t help wondering if it does any good to save the whole planet if doing so involves harming womyn’s self-esteem.
What I mean is that I think your spokesperson Dawn R. on the Take Action page encourages unhealthy sterotypes of “thinness” and “symmetry” that our society should leave behind. Perhaps you should consider a repersentative with a more healthy and natural body shape, and facial features that don’t perpetuate traditional lookist oppressions.
Liberation for All
Bertha Hodgkins

As before, you don’t HAVE to be a member of WE to participate in Operation Needs More PC, but if you ARE signed up, it puts pressure on them to take you seriously, and there’s nothing more pathetically funny than a conflicted liberal.
After you leave your suggestion with WE, send a copy of it to me at wesistance@gmail.com. If I find your entry to be brief, subtle, and at least moderately amusing, I’ll post it at IMAO so that others may enjoy it also.

Stick to the Shadows

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So, with no horse in this election, what are conservatives to do? We watch. We listen. We learn. We plot our revenge.
Yes, we stick to the background, preparing for our inevitable return. Our enemies will grow complacent, thinking they’ve defeated us, but when they least expect it, we’ll strike, unleashing destruction on them like a tax-cutting Cloverfield, smashing through government programs with an insane glee. The streets will run red with the blood of liberals, they’re fascist frivolities torn apart. They will beg for mercy, but they might as well beg for unicorns because mercy does not exist.
It will be beautiful.
Our first target will be take over the Republican Party. Instead of the corpulent slob it is now, we want a lean beast ready for violence. No more open tent; instead, it will be like one of those tents Navy SEALs make where you could be standing two feet in front of it and not see it. And it’s filled with people ready to kill. That’s the Republican Party I remember. Perhaps we can even get them to the point they’re more like an urban legend.
“Ever hear of the Republican Party? They say they come in the middle of the night to eat babies and cut taxes. I heard something the other night, and when I went outside to check on it, I found a flag pin on the ground. I’m so scared!”
Fear will be our tool. Anytime politicians our about to pass some law, we want them to think to themselves, “What will the conservatives think of this? What will they do? I can’t possibly protect myself from them! They could be anywhere!” Even when not in power, we will be ever present. Then, when the time is right, we will take power again with such force as to destroy all opposition. The country will be back in the hands of its rightful owners, and soon the rest of the world will fall to our might.
We will not be stopped this time.