Archive of entries posted on 8th July 2008

Operation Helpful Idiot Results – Part 3

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Some Operation Helpful Idiot suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.

Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
It is so cool to finally see a site that takes our impending climate tradgedy seriously. If it’s ok, I would like to make a suggestion about how we could stop the global warming. Take everyone’s shoe size, and give them like 1,000 kw of energy for every square inch that their foot covers. That’s all you get man. use it wisely. It would really bring home the idea of a carbon footprint t oeveryone. thanks for readin’ and keep up the crazy, dudes and dudettes. I’m outta here.
Wendall Lugo (like Yugo)

Dear WE,
I LOVE it that everybody is finally figuring tht we HAVE to do somtehing to stop Big Oil in it’s rape of Mother Earth. Thanks for actually DOING something.
Stick with me here bcz I have a great way to provide both clean energy and stop global warming. Carbon Dioxide is made up of a Carbon atom and 2 OXYGEN atoms. As we all know, Oxygen burns. So – if we simply passed a law that required all energy companies to seperate Carbon from the Oxygen in the AIR (it’s right there – they don’t even have to MINE it!) and then burn the Oxygen, we get both clean energy and less GW.
We can then use the Carbon atoms left over and make carbon nanotubes and we can then make steel OBSOLETE and that will ALSO clean up the earth.
I would be happy to share my idea with anybody or sign a petition or something to help you take ACTION on greenhouse gas.
Thx.
Get us OUT of IRAQ
www.teensforbarackobama.com
GaiasGreat Moonbeam

Name: Sequoia Fernbottom
Subject: We Can!
Message:
Love this site! It really is just as simple as belief and motion forward.
I’d love to add a suggestion, maybe something that can get people off their cans, so to speak, to see that they “can”, too! Flatulence is such an important contributor to what we’re all inflicting the Earth Mother with, as we all know. She’s given us such a perfect mechanism for handling CO2, in plants and oceans – think of it, she’s given us the way to clean up our mess. She’s forgiven us our sins, as we forgive, well, sorry to digress into a patriarchal religious taunt.
Anyway, I think if we all committed to using our office- and house- plants, and lakes and rivers and oceans as “cans” (you know, the kind you crap in), we put our detritous as close as possible to the Earth Mother’s cleansing mechanism, so that it spends less time exposed to the air to pollute it with CO2, and we CAN solve the problem! We CAN! Perfect. Brilliant.
Wiping out the climate crisis, one leaf at a time,
Sequoia

Hi foks – really excited about your website and group. I do have a suggestion for you to consider as you lobby congress. Can we expand Planned Parenthood’s phenomenal US success overseas – especially to places like Africa and the Middle East? It seems that our fundamental problem is overpopulation – to many people with scarce resources. If we can make abortion available everywhere there will be far fewer babies competing for the teat of our blessed Mother Gaia (literally and figuratively!). Maybe we can look into imposing forced birth control/abortions on these people since they obviously are too poor and stupid to control their animal like breeding. It’s not like they are contributing anything important to the world. Anyhoo – keep up the good work and after next year we should have our new lightworker president who will bring us change and hopitude. Obey Obama!! Peace!
E. C. Thelion
Of the Fountain
Gondolin, ME 1Age

Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Helpful Idiot suggestion for stopping evil climate change to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).

Racist Toddlers

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The UK is on alert for racist toddlers. And not just the obvious racism like when a toddler sets fire to a cross on someone’s lawn, but the more hidden racism like when a toddler says “Yuk!” about foreign foods (my wife never lets me get away with such racism towards the food she makes and will throttle me greatly for any incidents). The question, of course, is how did England become filled with such racist toddlers?
I’m guessing it’s the crumpets. I know what you’re saying: “Of course! Crumpets! That’s explains everything!” But not so fast. It’s not just the crumpets. There is also the tea. My theory is that when you mix tea with crumpets, you create a erudite Archie Bunker. And children are getting access to tea and crumpets at increasingly earlier ages, hence the racist toddlers. This is an extreme detriment to England as it makes them hate their fellow man instead of their real enemy who aren’t even human: The Irish.
I agree with the National Children’s Bureau that it’s time to crack down on these snot-nosed racists. If you see a toddler say “Yuk!” about a food, you grab him by his shirt collar and shout, “Shut up, you little racist! I will murder you and mail your body parts back to your mother!” And be alert for other forms of racism, such as a toddler liking Elmo but not Grover saying, “Blue muppets smell.” You slap that little punk and tell him, “The only difference between red and blue muppets is the color they use to dye the felt! They’re all the same inside! And they all smell; that’s because of the glue they use in them.”
We have to stop racism one frightened child at a time.