Recently Barack Obama said that American kids should learn a foreign language, and – typical liberal hypocrite that he is – followed up by saying that he’s “embarrassed” that he doesn’t know one himself.
Ain’t that just like a Democrat, insisting that the “little people” live up to expectations that don’t apply to them?
Which makes me wonder what else Mr. O is embarrassed about. I speculate thusly:
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- Although pro-choice, he chose not to abort his daughters.
- His Secret Service cadre carries guns, but not strictly for hunting.
- Had he starred in Blazing Saddles, Madeleine Kahn’s line would’ve been “Oh… it’s NOT twue.”
- Grateful for the work of Civil Rights pioneers, but has never ridden on any bus, front or back.
- Knows what arugula is.
- Still harbors doubts that Neo is actually “The One”.
- Black, yeah, but sadly, no slave blood.
- Never managed to stay awake through an entire Reverend Wright sermon. That guy is pure pulpit Sominex!
- Wants to pull out of Iraq, but can’t pull out of a parking lot without taking someone’s bumper with him.
- Once failed to stop a thief who later killed his Uncle Ben.
- Despite his penchant for wearing black, has never once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
So what do YOU know about Obama’s darkest secrets?
Wait… was that racist?
Although he received an endorsement by Hamas, he’s never personally fired rockets at Israeli civilians.
“* Knows what arugula is.”
I didn’t know what arugula was, beyond the fact rich people like it, until a second ago when I looked it up on Wikipedia. I’m still not 100% sure what it is though.
He once ordered black beans with his mexican dinner and later wished he’d ordered white.
Oh, and the Blazing Saddles reference is awesome, by the way.
Late at night when no one is around, he likes to go to IMAO to read Hellbender Chapters.
In his Father’s Day speech, Obama said:
“…children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and twenty times more likely to end up in prison”
He’s embarrassed that he is Harvard Law grad, successful writer, and a U.S. Senator despite his father having been abandoned him at a young age. He blames his ever-supportive cracker grandparents for the fact that he has not lived up to his criminal potential (yet).
Oh, and they never gave him Spanish lessons either.
“Sometimes at night, he dreams of tapping [HRC’s] booty, and wakes up with sticky sheets.”
I’ll get you for putting that visual in my head.
When the music is playing, he claps on one and three instead of two and four.
He only recently was able to find his heart with his hand. Later, he will look for his ass. That will be a bit more difficult, what with his head being in the way and all.
“Once failed to stop a thief who later killed his Uncle Ben.”
Don’t you mean his Uncle Tom?
As a child he loved the story Little Black Sambo, and was disappointed years later to learn there are no tigers in Africa.
“Sometimes at night, he dreams of tapping that booty, and wakes up with sticky sheets.”
Thanks, Harvey, I just did a full Mr. Creosote all over my screen (I didn’t need that visual in my head).
Claims he’s not a racist, but supports affirmative action.
Obama is hiding his real birth certificate because he is ashamed of his real middle name. The H doesn’t really stand for Hussein. It really stands for Hitler.
I like that Uncle Ben comment, you racist! I suppose he has an Aunt Jemima too? And I bet they both live with Mrs. Butterworth, right down the street from Mrs. Paul, Mrs. Smith and Dr. Pepper.
Oops, sorry, my anti-racist rant turned into a bastion of product placement!
He’s worse at basketball than he is at bowling.
Brought a spoon to a knife fight.
Went ice fishing on Lake Michigan but didn’t catch anything because it took him most of the day to chop a hole big enough for his boat.
Still doesn’t know what ‘Rosebud’ means.
Can’t make his VCR stop blinking 12:00.
His conjoined twin is the one with nicotine addiction, but Obama is the one who has to smoke to keep the little creep quiet.
Can’t drive ‘stick’.
Won’t support a free trade agreement with Columbia for fear of meeting his old ‘connection’ at the treaty signing ceremony.