I’m Barack Obama! I’m running for president. You should vote for me. I’m a new politician. Remember when M&Ms came out with blue M&Ms and you ran to the store yelling, “Yay! A brand new candy!”? Well, I’m just like that. I’m a brand new politician. I promise hope and change. No politician has ever promised that before. Also, my opponent is not new. I think pretty much everyone agrees he is a very old politician. Also, he might get angry and hit you. I heard that somewhere.
But know what makes me newest and bestest? This is a secret, so you can’t tell anyone. Do you promise you’ll keep this just between you and me? You promise? Okay, here it is…
I agree with you on everything!
Just you, though. If anyone else with different viewpoints than you thinks I agree with him, then he just read an inartful statement made by my stupid staff who are always screwing things up. I don’t want to hurt that guy’s feelings, though, so let’s keep that I really agree with you on everything between you and me.
With how much I agree with you, you really should vote for me. What? You don’t believe me? That makes me sad. Didn’t you hear how I’m a new politician? The kind that agrees with you on everything? I’ll prove it to you. What’s the issue most important to you? Go ahead and say it out loud.
Hey! That the issue most important to me! And what are your views on that issue?
Yeah, that’s exactly what I think about that! It’s actually a long held belief of mine I will never compromise on. Never. Once again, if you’ve heard anything to the contrary, it’s because my idiot staff must have screwed up some statement or something. I hate that idiot staff. Still, I don’t want anyone to feel bad, so I’m not going to make a big fuss about people believing I have a view different than yours. You understand, don’t you? That’s why when the issue came up for a vote, I voted “Present.” But know that my view is really just like yours, so you should vote for me.
So what do you think about the Iraq War?
That’s what I think! It’s been a long held belief of mine I’ve never compromised on. Some people have interpreted my view as different than that, but it’s really been just what you said all this time. It’s so great we agree on everything! Aren’t you going to love voting for me?
You don’t believe me yet? But we’re so alike! What’s your favorite color?
Wow! That’s my favorite color! If you read somewhere that my favorite color was something other than that one, that’s once again just my stupid staff screwing things up. Oh! I hate my staff so much! They’re always making it seem like I don’t agree with you! But I totally do agree with you and you should vote for me.
Aren’t you so excited to have a politician who agrees with you on everything? Won’t it be great voting for me? I’m a new politician. I bring hope and change and viewpoints exactly like yours. But, once again, we need to keep that last part secret. We don’t want my newness scaring people away. So, I hope you’ll vote for me and not for that McCain who disagrees with you on stuff. What a stupid, old politician. But don’t tell him I said that; he might hit me.
Barack Obama is a U.S. Senator from Illinois who has many firmly held beliefs and loves to play with those rubber super bouncy balls. Those bounce crazy!
Frank, you can only call it “Satire” when it’s fictional. Seriously, get with the program.
And he’s a friend of the little man!!!
Look for his campaign bus in a neighborhood near you!!! Just look for the midget with the broom, showing that Obama! is for Change! and The Little Man!!!!!
And remember, his opponent lacks moral fiber.
It would be alot more funny if it wasn’t so true to life.
Good, since he agrees with me on everything, then he probably also agrees that he should not be president, and needs to drop out.
There was an article on Yahoo! where he was mentioning that his views and statements on Iraq were the same as when he was a Senator. To it’s credit, the article followed the quote with a statement that Obama still is a Senator from Illinois.
Does anyone have the link for that article, sounds amusing. I have to say that this post was too close to truth to be as funny as some others. Obama is probably the closest we can ever get to a human chameleon.
Did he write this before or after Hillary’s saboteurs tried to take his plane down today?
Well, he’s a presidential candidate proudly promising to RAISE taxes…that’s new. Incredibly stupid, as is everything else he’s proposed in the name of “hope” or “change”, but new.
How do you feel about typical white people?
Wow! I hate those racist crackers, too! I think we should round them up and put them in detention cam….
What? You don’t hate honkeys?
You racist cracker! Go vote for Hillary, then! Oh, wait. You can’t! BWAH HA HA HA HA HA!
Excellent, Frank! I’m going to disagree with many of the previous commenters; I think that it’s funny because it’s so true.
Hi Barack! I’m already in your corner, because I believe in change. Here in America, even the poor are obese and have color TV and stuff like that. We are in danger of losing our poor people altogether which would be a disaster, for without them we could never learn to feel for the poor. I’ll vote for you, because, when you’re president, I can be sure that we won’t lose any of our poor.
Good luck and your last speech, after I came to, I gave it, three halos and two sun rays!
I might reconsider this guy. After all, I asked John McCain about immigration at a town hall meeting and he told me to “Go f— yourself”.
Oh I’m so impressed with this guy, he agees with me on everything! I’m going to go out right now and canvass the neighborhood and find everybody else that he agrees with. That way we can all go together to the polls and vote for him on Nov 5th.
I’m so full of Hope for a Change, I just can’t wait.
I think I’ve found the 7 extra states Barry thinks are going to help him get elected:
State of Depression,
State of Acrimony,
State of Misery,
State of Neurosis,
State of Anxiety,
State of Petulance, and
State of Envy. If only I could think of a handy acronym to help me remember them.
Don’t seal the casket yet!
John McCain showed a sign of life today!
When a heckler yelled, “You tax us too much! Get off of our backs!”, McCain replied, “If you’re not busy, I’d like to take you with me everywhere I go!”. (local news broadcast).
I can agree with that.
Barack Obama was against blue M&Ms before he was for them.
Warren, the article link is:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080705/pl_nm/usa_politics_obama_dc_5
The passage I mentioned is in the body a little way. Other coverage is nearly identical, but lacks the observation that Obama still IS the Senator from Illinois.
Now that I look at it, I see another gem from Obama:
“I am absolutely committed to ending the war. I will call my joint chiefs of staff in and give them a new assignment and that is to end the war.”
He is presuming to be more than the Democratic nominee, I’d say.