So exactly what was in the balloon?

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The whole world — or at least the part of the world that had nothing better to do — was transfixed Thursday by the saga of the boy in the balloon.

First reports said that 6-year-old Falcon Heenes was on board the balloon, and people were horrified at that prospect. When the balloon landed, and the boy wasn’t found, first fears were that he had fallen out.

When he was found hiding in an attic, speculation turned to the whole thing being a hoax.

But there’s one aspect that people are forgetting: since Falcon was not on the balloon, what was?

Many are assuming that it empty. But was it?

Remember that the investigators said they believed the family when they said the boy was on the balloon. Then they believed the family when they said this wasn’t a hoax. They also believed the family’s timeline of events, such as calling 911 when other reports say they first called news outlets. Now, on Saturday, they’re thinking they might need to check out this Heenes family.

Joe Friday and Bill Gannon these guys aren’t.

So, I’m wondering… did these investigators even check out what was in the balloon? Or did they simply say, “Hmm, kid’s not here” and let it go at that. Was something else in that balloon? And, if so, what?

I have some thoughts on what might have been in that balloon:

  • The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize ballots
  • Amelia Earhart
  • Barack Obama’s college transcripts
  • The outtakes from the moon landing hoax
  • The 1993 Academy Award Best Actress ballots
  • Dick Cheney
  • CNN credibility
  • Apple’s Mac tablet computer
  • The Third Secret of Fatima
  • Abe Vigoda
  • A map of Atlantis
  • A map of Atlanta
  • Barack Obama’s birth certificate
  • Charles Dodgson’s hand-written Jack the Ripper confession
  • The Higgs boson

It’s hard to tell how much stuff could be hidden in the balloon, so I’m not sure how many of these items, or what else could have been on board.

There needs to be an investigation.

24 Comments

  12. 1) The Colonel’s 11 herbs and spices
    2) The formula’s for original and new coke
    3) Helen Thomas’ sanity
    4) D. B. Cooper
    5) all the punctuation missing from over a trillion text messages
    6) the 27th letter in the English alphabet
    7) the last few minutes of The Sopranos series finale
    8) that wallet I lost six years ago
    9) the chapter of Dianetics where Hubbard tells everyone it’s just a joke

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  13. 1. The application papers for statehood of the missing 8 states Obama visited.
    2. The confession of the O. J. case murder.
    3. The hard copy evidence from the IPCC proving AGW.
    4. The missing autopsy jar containing JFK’s brain.
    5. 313 legal votes for Coleman in the 2008 MN Senate race.
    6. The actual ten commandments that Moses carried down from Mt. Sinai.
    7. Democrat wishes for re-election should they pass healthcare reform.

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  17. What was in the balloon? Damn sure wasn’t the kid! Turns out the whole thing was just a scam. It just goes to show…you have to pick your scams carefully, and you have to work them with some semblance of professionalism, and you have to have the majority of the media on your side! For example…global warming caused by American hard work and prosperity? Hell yeah! That’s a great money and fame making scam that works like a champ and will make you a fortune if you and a friendly media manage it correctly! Just ask Al Gore if you don’t believe me, he’s been pulling it off for years. On the other hand, kid in a balloon to get your family a TV reality show by completely ‘punking’ the news media? Didn’t work worth a hoot….just ask Richard Heene.

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  19. Ah yes Snausages, consisting of………Wheat Flour
    For a doggie treat that presents itself as a twist of beef and cheese sticks, you wouldn’t expect wheat to be the first ingredient listed. Turns out these snacks are closer to soft pretzels than Slim Jims: They’re made mostly of wheat flour and pregelatinized wheat flour — a processed starch that makes food easier to digest.

    Corn Syrup, Sugar, Crystalline Fructose
    Sugar, sugar, and sugar. Now that the health risks of high-fructose corn syrup are well known, manufacturers have begun to distill the sugar out of it, selling the result as “crystalline fructose.” The health risks are the same. But at least the stuff isn’t too poisonous: Archer Daniels Midland claims that its crystalline fructose contains no more than 1 milligram of arsenic per kilogram. Sweet!

    Glycerine
    Beef and cheese tend to be naturally moist, but beef and cheese SnawSomes (which look like shiny puppy biscotti) get their appetizing sheen from glycerine.

    Beef
    Actually, the package merely promises “beef flavor.” According to the FDA, that means beef need only be present in an amount “sufficient to be detected.” And you can bet it’s not going to be filet mignon. The Association of Feed Control Officials defines “meat” in pet foods as “striate muscle which is skeletal or that which is found in the tongue, in the diaphragm, in the heart, or in the esophagus; with or without the accompanying and overlying fat and the portions of the skin, sinew, nerve and blood vessels.” Woof!

    Dried Cheese Product
    A goulash of milk derivatives containing less than 51 percent actual cheese. Cheese product is generally rejected by nutritionists for use in school lunch programs — something to think about if you treat your pooch like a substitute child.

    Soy Protein Concentrate
    Because these Scooby snacks are mostly wheat, Del Monte pumps in soy protein concentrate — essentially mashed soybeans with the fats and carbs removed. This brings SnawSomes up to a whopping 4 percent protein — just a touch more than a Twinkie.

    Natural Smoke Flavor
    Produced by burning wood chips and condensing the smoke into a liquid, this additive creates the illusion that food has been cooked over a flame. A CDC report showed that 92 percent of commercial liquid smoke flavorings contain benzoapyrene, a substance known to cause stomach tumors in animals. Thankfully, there’s not enough here to be a real issue.

    Onion Extract and Garlic Powder
    A dash of flavor. But take note: Dogs can develop a blood disorder from eating onions or garlic. The amount in a single SnawSomes won’t be harmful, but it’s best to keep Fido from scarfing down the whole package at once…..bon appetit Fido.

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  22. Meggie Mac’s 15 minutes of fame
    All the peace O-bah-muhh has accomplished to win the Nobel Peace Prize
    Democrats’ integrity
    All of the Establishment Republicans’ desire for smaller government
    All the jobs saved or created by the O-bah-muhh stimulus package

    Reply to this comment

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