No Thanks

The Democrats’ public option opt out plan is like being served a rotten egg and then being told you can opt out of eating the shell.

When Is Satire Mimicry?

A lot of people didn’t get the joke in my column against liberty. It was based on an actual WSJ column arguing against liberty by Thomas Frank, but I thought it became obvious it’s satire when I started arguing for slavery as the ultimate freedom — something Thomas Frank stopped short of. The Patriot Post put up part of it (excluding the slavery part), and look at all the comments condemning me. And when Fred Thompson linked to it (and called me “friend”; being a friend of Fred Thompson is equivalent to having super powers), even with a warning a few people didn’t get it. The thing is, it really seems like something a liberal would argue, because the central theme of all their government programs is that freedom is overrated. They just have too much sense to say that out loud — except for Thomas Frank.

Top Ten Ways Obama Could Be an Even Bigger Sissy

Obama has been a huge sissy lately with his dithering on foreign affairs and his constant whining about FOX News, but it could be worse. I’ve come up with ten ways that Obama could actually be an even bigger sissy:

TOP TEN WAYS OBAMA COULD BE EVEN SISSIER

10. Starts riding a Segway everywhere.

9. Becomes distressed by the mean things said on FOX News but also on FOX by the character House.

8. Appoints a pickle-jar-opening czar.

7. All his meetings with foreign leaders become nothing but crying and hugging.

6. Newest public address is his shortest ever: Just the words, “Stop being so mean to me!” before running away crying.

5. He constantly becomes publicly bossed around by his puppy Bo.

4. Always has to excuse himself for a new pair of pants when someone mentions Cheney’s disagreements with him.

3. He finds out how good he looks in sequins.

2. Declares Saw VI “too scary” and thus “not a real horror movie.”

And the number one way Obama could be even sissier…

Continue reading ‘Top Ten Ways Obama Could Be an Even Bigger Sissy’ »

Um… I’m Offended? – UPDATED 8:45pm

Somebody thought this illustration would be a great way to stick it to the man:

All I can say is that if we can’t have dinosaurs with laser cannons, I’d gladly settle for elephants with devil horns and missile launchers.

Which, by the way, was part of Dick Cheney’s original plan for Afghanistan.

UPDATE 8:45 PM – Super-secret spy photo of the Cheney Plan in action from confidential undercover informant Code Name “Michael”:

Cheney’s Full Plan for Afghanistan

Looks like Cheney is taking over our strategy for Afghanistan by yelling at Obama until he gives in again. Cheney said the Obama administration is just copying the plan he left them and calling it a new plan. I don’t think they’re copying the whole plan, though, because here’s what I found out was in it:

CHENEY’S PLAN TO DESTROY THE TALIBAN

* First wave is an increase in ground troops.

* Second wave is ground troops backed by skyscraper-sized robots who eat people.

* Third wave: Velociraptors.

* As the Taliban should be fleeing now, shoot them with space lasers.

* Also, nuke all countries around Afghanistan so there is no place to flee to.

* On second thought, nuke everything. Screw it all!

* Sell whatever is left at a discount to Halliburton.

* Drink a strong liquor while chuckling to self.

Lightning Round 10-22-09

The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 10-22-09 Fred Thompson Show:


[YouTube direct link]

Random Thoughts

Point of Order: If you pretend you’re going to torture a terrorist and instead rickroll him, does that still count as torturing him?

Gitmo should really release a torture mix tape of preferred songs for annoying terrorists. That would sell like gangbusters on iTunes.

If I’m ever captured by the enemy, all they need to do is play some Kings of Leon and I’ll tell them anything.

Has a dog tilting its head ever worked? Has any dog ever suddenly gained understanding by viewing something at a 45 degree rotation? I tried that on a physics equation, and it only made it even more inscrutable.

If Community were any funnier, you’d only be able to watch it after living a lifetime right with Jesus.