Archive of entries posted on 28th October 2009

Gay babies plan to take over the world

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Where do babies come from?

Wrong!!!

All this time, you thought it had something to do with “when a man loves a woman…” Or, maybe a Barry White song instead of a Percy Sledge (or Michael Bolton) song.

That is so early 21st century. We’ve moved beyond that.

Scientists have created eggs and sperm from stem cells.

Scientists at Stanford University in California found the right cocktail of chemicals and vitamins to coax the cells into becoming eggs and sperm.

The sperm had heads and short tails and are thought to have been mature enough to fertilise an egg.

The eggs were at a much earlier stage but were still much more developed than any created so far by other scientists.

While this is certainly interesting, what if babies realize that they don’t need men or women in order to be born?

Sure, the average baby isn’t all that smart. A typical infant is only slightly smarter than the average Democrat. But what about those Baby Einsteins that the Disney company made smart?

Don’t be fooled. Those Baby Einsteins are smart. They figured out how to get smart, then get their money back from Disney. Scary smart, those Baby Einsteins.

So, if smart babies learn how to make other babies, they’d probably make more smart babies. Then we’d be overrun with smart babies.

Not worried about that? Read that whole article again. Especially this part:

The science also raises the possibility of ‘male eggs’ made from men’s skin and ‘female sperm’ from women’s skin.

This would allow gay couples to have children genetically their own

Think about this. What if genius gay babies try to take over the world?

You know what? They’ll succeed?

Who would fight them? If it was Godzilla, we’d send the Army out to fight them. But it’s not Godzilla. It’s smart gay babies. We can’t send the Army to fight smart gay babies. They’re babies, for crying out loud.

On the other hand, maybe Obama would make his mind up to take a stand against smart gay babies. But I doubt it.

Smart babies, yes, he’d send the troops to fight against. But smart gay babies? That’s part of his constituency. The gay part, not the baby part. Or the smart part.

So, if babies tried to take over the world, Obama would fight against them. But if smart gay babies try, we’re screwed.

And not in the way that we used to make babies.

IMAO on the Fred Thompson Show

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If you listened to Fred Thompson Show today, you might have heard something familiar as they used this as the lead in from a commercial break:

[audio:http://www.imao.us/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/ft_return_ring_of_fire.mp3]

You can find audio for the show today here and hear it in the show and Fred’s reaction at about 11:23 (first time a Fred Thompson fact gets official confirmation).

When Fred Thompson uses material from your blog, you have to ask him for permission.

Thoughts on the Public Option, Liberty, and Trees

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Man, I do not like the public option. For all their faults, conservatives tell you what they want and then they try and get it. Liberals know that their ultimate goals, though, would be abhorrent to anyone who loves liberty so they try to hide what they want. They want a government takeover of health care and the removal of individual liberty on that issue, but that’s a hard sell. So they get the public option, which they sell as greater liberty (“more choice!”), but the idea is it will eventually push out everything else and lead to a government takeover. That’s its only purpose, and a line in the sand has to be drawn by every Republican.

Or maybe Joe Lieberman.

The government always pretty much just grows and never shrinks. It’s always too politically hard to get rid of welfare and handouts after people have grown used to them, so you have to kill them in their infancy… like drowning puppies.

It’s kinda disheartening knowing this is a battle we will eventually lose. Not today, not tomorrow, and maybe not for hundreds of years if we’re smart, but eventually the government will get so large and liberty so narrow that the country will collapse. It will be a miserable time with the only thing to look forward to being the fact that we can now punch all the hippies we want with no one to stop us. It’s like that Thomas Jefferson quote that about the revolution, blood, and the tree of liberty that crazy people are always bringing up. Take it as a warning, though, as a revolution is just likely to make something even screwier. It was kinda amazing what the Founding Fathers put together with this country, and it’s our duty to make it limp along for as long as we can.

So it’s up to you, Joe Lieberman.

K Street Whores Demand Apology From Congressman Grayson

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WASHINGTON DC (AP) – After it was widely reported that Democrat Congressman Alan Grayson of Florida called Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke’s aide and former Enron lobbyist, Linda Robertson, “a K Street whore“, prostitutes working the K Street area demanded an apology.

"No, I won't lobby for you, you sick, book-cooking bastard!"

“No, I won’t lobby for you, you sick, book-cooking bastard!”

Silky Sparkles, spokestrollop for the Washington D.C. Adult Companionship Workers Local 269, said that she and her fellow K Street strumpets objected to Grayson’s demeaning use of the word “whore”.

“Being a whore is an honorable profession,” said Ms. Sparkles. “Sure, we do disgusting things with lonely, smelly, fat guys – like Mr. Grayson – in exchange for money, but Robertson lobbied for Enron. I mean… EWWWWW! It’s like, yeah, for enough Benjamins I’ll do ya a Cleveland Clamper or a Seattle Sashimi, but I’ve got STANDARDS! No Denver Danglers, and no working for Enron.”

National Organization for Women (NOW) President Kim Gandy also found the incident disturbing.

“The word ‘whore’ is deeply offensive to all women,” said Gandy. “It’s often reserved for women who step beyond male-patrolled sexual boundaries and is an obscene and especially degrading put-down toward a woman whose only crime is earning a living. However, since Grayson is a Democrat, we’re totally going to let this one slide. Besides, why would we stick up for some stupid whore Republican?”

When informed that Robertson was a Democrat, Gandy shrugged and replied, “Whatever. We mind our own business with Blue-on-Blue.”

After originally having his staff tell reporters to “go check the second definition of ‘whore’ in your stupid whore dictionaries, you damn news whores!”, Grayson later held a press conference where he apologized.

“Some people,” said Grayson, “were offended by my use of the word ‘whore’. I ask you to note that I could’ve called Robertson a chancrous, ill-mannered, gutter-slut – but I didn’t. I could’ve called her a crack-addled, knee-padding, man-gargler – but I didn’t. But I did call her a ‘whore’ – in the context of the debate over whether the Federal Reserve should be independently audited – and for that slip of the tongue… I apologize.”

“As for you actual K Street whores,” concluded Grayson, “I’ll be by later tonight for my Denver Dangler.”

Housebreaking the GOP

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I like this Doug Hoffman revolt in NY23. A lot of Republicans think they can put an ‘R’ on a turd sandwich and conservatives are supposed to choke it down without saying a word. No way. Republicans are supposed to try and get the most conservative candidate who can win, but in NY23 it’s like they got someone who mis-checked her party on her voter registration. Fred Thompson, who the sun was instructed as a child to never stare directly at, explains it here:

[audio:http://www.imao.us/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/102709ny23.mp3]

Better the Republicans learn this lesson now than in 2010. I have a feeling they’re going to screw up that big opportunity, but maybe if we just consistently whap them on the nose every time they’re being bad eventually they’ll learn.

Oh, and a tip for Hoffman: Change your name to “Dog Hoffman.” Makes you sound like a badass biker dude.

Random Thoughts

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I wouldn’t worry about Lieberman; I’m sure Harry Reid’s dynamic leadership will prevail in the end.

Momentum is easily described by Newtonian physics, but Joementum is a complex phenomenon better described by quantum physics.

The fact that matter can collapse on itself into a singularity forming a black hole seems like a huge design flaw. I’m just saying that if OSHA were around when the universe first formed, they never would have approved God’s “matter” idea. Not that energy is particularly safe, but it never permanently destroys information.

I know I’m not supposed to stare at the sun, but it creeps me out when the sun stares at me.