Red-bottomed monkeys are plotting to attack President Obama! It is unknown how their bottoms got so red, but what is known is they are terrorists.
India is on the case, though. The country is trying to modernize and wants respect, so the last thing they want is the leader of the free world to come for a visit and then get bit by a monkey. No one would take them seriously ever again.
Which raises the question of why they have monkeys in the first place? If you recall, the first thing the European settlers did in North America (after giving all the natives hugs and candy) was kill all the moneys. And that’s why there are no monkeys in North America, and also why the U.S. is the greatest nation on earth — there are no monkeys to hold it back. At some point, India has to make this decision themselves. Do they want to be a modern country, or do they want the monkey god Hanuman? What exactly does a monkey god give you anyway? I assume it’s more monkeys. You don’t want those.
I hope a monkey locks Obama in an outhouse
The Indians killed all their squirrels already, the monkeys are next.
If you recall, the first thing the European settlers did in North America (after giving all the natives hugs and candy)…
Not just hugs and candy… if I remember correctly, someone was also so generous as to give his favorite blankie to the natives. Don’t leave out that detail, it makes your description sound too politically correct by playing down the generosity of Europeans.
Unrelated but cool: Frank should be aware that one of his favorite hippie punching bags has been punched by its own owner. http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/11/05/msnbc-suspends-keith-olbermann-indefinitely-contributing-democratic-campaigns/
In a showdown between Hanuman and Aqua Buddah I’ll take AB every time.
Please. Everyone knows that when St. Patrick and Pilgrims landed discovered the new world, St. Patrick cast out all the monkeys.
Lolziter,
I think the British soldiers were the ones who did the blanket deal. We would have fought the Indians, mano y mano, in a fight choreographed to resemble the cool ending to that movie with Daniel Day-Lewis.
With Buittercup reading this, I can’t comment on the mix of Obama, red-bottomed monkeys, and Barney Frank. Just use your imagination. Or not.
There’s a highly entertaining show on NatGeo Wild called Rebel Monkeys about the monkeys that have basically taken over many Indian cities. They carry more diseases than Charlie Sheen after a long weekend, and can be very aggressive towards humans. In fact, a few years ago, they killed the deputy mayor of Dehli. Imagine if rats were 2 feet tall, had opposable thumbs, were smarter than most actors, and hated people as much as Rosie O’Donnell does. And yet, there’s a religious taboo against killing the little bastards. Go figure.
Bah, it seems like much ado about nothing. Americans have been flinging a bootload of poo at the President over the past few days. How could a few small monkeys do much worse?
Actually there are monkeys here but they are confined to the Everglades. They were brought in for the filming of the original Tarzan movies and series way back when. I don’t remember if they escaped or if they were set free into the swamp.
Marko,
The US did it. If I remember my history correctly it was during moving of the eastern tribes to the west (Trail of Tears, I think, I could be wrong).
Do they have communist for a president? ‘Cause that really chaps my ass.
Yes, India may have thousands of monkeys running around having their way.
But we’re the one with the monkey on our back.
For what it’s worth, here’s what Wikipedia says about smallpox blankets…. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smallpox_blankets#The_Siege
Wyrmlaf, if it – in this case, we assume “it” was intentional – ever happened, it happened at Fort Pitt and it was the Brits during Pontiac’s Rebellion. That’s the version I’ve always heard.
If you recall, the first thing the European settlers did in North America (after giving all the natives hugs and candy) was kill all the moneys.
Frnak, I’m not correcting your typo, just your history. I believe it was Bush and Obama who killed all the moneys.
Is Barney Frank traveling with the President. Red Butted Monkeys? Are you kidding me! Every red butted monkey in India will have been buggered by the time Frank leaves! They better keep him on a very short leash, or better yet a shock collar…
May Hanuman bestow upon the Obambi a great warm blessing of smelly poo.
India doesn’t want coconuts near the Prez. Of course if a coconut fell on Obama’s big head the coconut would be my new hero. So would any monkey who bit him, regardless of the color of it’s butt. Wait, maybe a red bottomed monkey can drop a coconut on Zero’s head!
Here’s to coconut falling like rain during Obama’s visit!
ussjc – lol – you KNOW Frank set this post up just for you.
“Red-bottom monkeys” or you could say
“kos kid in moms basement” or
“you tube lefty talking points troll”
Actually “red bottom monkeys with cheese in their Marxist beard” has a nice ring to it and could easily consolidate all the previous more fractious descriptions of what are simply the same species.
Reading the article makes me think of Jimmy Carters rabbit! (sorry if someone already said that.. i am sick and not up for much reading)
Regarding Air Force One-
Are there any monkey fighting snakes on that Monday to Friday plane?
Because this is the one time they’d be really useful.
What exactly does a monkey god give you anyway?….
Hope and Change?
Hanuman must be the Rodney Dangerfield of all pagan dieties – to have his earthly avatars dismissively captured or driven away for the convenience of one politician?
‘Sheesh! I tell ya, I don’t get no respect, no respect all all!”
(of course, it wasn’t always that way, as Rudyard Kipling relates in his short story,
‘The Mark of the Beast’.) http://www.readbookonline.net/readOnLine/2420/
Even monkeys hate Obama’s healthcare plan. And, why not?
Jimmy, I have to get over my Barney Frank fascination but a sitting congressman running a brothel out of his house and not getting kicked out of office is just too much for me. I mean, how low can MA go?
Ted Kennedy?
OMG, you are soooooooooo funny!!
I’m a little concerned with snipers and Indian SEIU thugs itching to mix it up with the monkeys, given the President’s security and safety.
I mean…his ears……..careful, boys.
#8 Jim Nelson – Is it just coincidence that they sound like midget Muslims?
They aren’t?
“We will deploy commandos, snipers and even monkey catchers to ensure his safety,” a police officer told The Hindustan Times.
Commandos and snipers? Against monkeys? Wow. Are they cyborg ninja godzilla monkeys or something?
A monkey’s gotta do what a monkey’s gotta do.
Monkey see, monkey do.
I don’t see a problem with this.
I don’t know how the monkeys’ bottoms got so red, but I have an idea how Barney Frank’s got that way…
Thanks for sharing Carolyn! We all needed that vivid picture seared into our brains! I shall now go through the rest of my miserable life trying to erase that thought!
Don’t be fooled, Carolyn. Of all things, UssJimmyCarter’s vivid picture is that his own hair and face are red because he’s a Viking and his Vikings got beaten red by the “Packers” last week. (IFYKWIMAITYD) !
If monkeys were Muslim they couldn’t do this!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_sfnQDr1-o
(it’s not new, but I just love that tune.)
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