Some People Are in Need of Basic Freedom Classes

So San Francisco has passed a law banning Happy Meals. It’s like some cities are completely befuddled by this whole concept of liberty. For instance, we also have New York City banning transfats and salt. I don’t know where people got the idea that the government is supposed to be push people around and tell them what to eat, but they didn’t get it from America. Maybe to teach these people a lesson we should take away one of their essential freedoms – THE FREEDOM TO NOT BE FIRED OUT OF A CANNON INTO THE OCEAN!

We’re supposed to have lots of different viewpoints in America, but we don’t need people who don’t like freedom. They can live in the ocean. Or Europe.

46 Comments

  1. A large portion of US citizens think the main role of the government is to make people feel better, behave better, and live better. I blame the 20th century.

    My Daughter is studying Eleanor Roosevelt. When she’s done with her report, I’ll explain to her that, no, the government’s job _isn’t_ to protect the weak. That’s Superman’s job.

  2. There is something wrong with your happy meal. Do not attempt to adjust the ingredients. We are controlling their content. For the rest of your life we will control all that you see and hear and think about happy meals. You are about to experience the awe and mystery of the Frisco city council which reaches from the inner mind to the outer limits and to what we allow you to eat.

  3. Frank, you’re exagerating the issue. They are not eliminating a choice. They are simply replacing that capitalist, hate-filled Happy Meal with a more progressive choice; the Dour, Bitter In-Denial Meal. Rather than including wasteful toys that contain bushitlers oil, it will have one of several new prizes, like a dozen ballots pre-marked for local Democrats, or a form for reporting your parents for recycling non-conformance.

  4. When they have their 9.0, I’m so NOT going down there to help bail them out, Frank. And – hahaha – some will be in the ocean as a result. Let’s hear it for Gaia finally doing something useful !

  5. Actually, the fact that they live in San Francisco is probably punishment enough.

    I’ve often said that, were the American public foolish enough to elect me President, my first act would be to test nuclear weapons in San Francisco.

  6. I’d say these people had been smoking dope – but if that were the case they’d all be heading to Micky D’s to scarf down a Happy Meal.

    Nope – can’t be the weed – guess they’re just facist morons.

  7. Well, indeed, Natassia. But I have to confess that I’m about 200 nauticals from the most dangerous fault in North America: The Cascadia Subduction Zone (screenplay in progress: “The Night Gaia Swallowed The Liberals And Then Threw Up In Disgust” (Ok, the title needs work…)). When that puppy goes, not only are we dead, but people in Japan die en masse, too, and everywhere in between. But it’ll be the end of the Soviet State of Washington !! Yay!

  8. Never one to rain on anyone’s parade but my own I have this curious observation…
    The California coast lemmings had the vote to legalize mari-hootchie and at the same time they’re working hard to ban “Happy Meals” from McDonalds. In NY, on the other coast, we have “salt” as the bane of evil while the Mayor of NY wants us to know we’re Islama-phobic if we’re against the Mosque building on an already sacred site OF OUR OWN.

    I’m writing my newly elected GOP operatives to get public caning back on the books for those that voted for any liberal that has a name that starts with a B!
    Barney, Boxer, Blumenthal, Barack, Bella Pelosi etc…

  9. Only in San Francisco! (Being able to say that is one of the few good benefits of living near Los Angeles).

    If their motivation were health (trying to eliminate the enticement for children to want McDonald’s food), then it seems to me they’d also be doing something about homeless vagrants crapping on the sidewalk on Market Street. That one seems like a bigger health issue.

    If their motivation were the sanctity of children (guarding them from the dangers of the world), then it seems to me that we’d also never hear about seventeen guys in assless chaps on Folsom Street giving each other beejays on public display while the police look on.

    And the guy who’s been at the helm of this once-great city’s jet-propelled descent into chaos? We elect him Lieutenant Governor, second-in-command to a clue-free moonbat who promises us eleven tax increases to finance free medical care and k-through-college education for illegal aliens, while the unfunded state-employee pension fund goes nuclear. Did I miss anything? Unbeflippinglievable.

    America, we need tough love. Promise me you’ll tell all your new congressmen that California gets no bailouts.

  10. Nastassia, for an in-depth look at the “special” people inhabiting the city of the Golden Gate, check out the documentary Dirty Harry. It’s about the UC-Berkeley regent known by his peers as Scorpio. Fascinating film.

  11. Well, no one’s ever happy in San Francisco. They all claim to be gay, but I think they’ve corrupted the meaning of that word to something different than happy. You wouldn’t believe what I’ve heard that word now means.

  12. Before you can teach freedom classes, Frank, hippies must be taught certain subjects first. Suggestions:

    Freedom University, Class offerings (all classes are 10 weeks):

    Freedom 101: Get your head outta your ass. Prerequisite: None.
    Freedom 102: Put the joint out and pay attention. Prerequisite: Freedom 101.
    Freedom 105: Introduction to sh!t, shine, shower and shave. (Toiletries required.)
    Freedom 124: Speaking English without the words “like, man, dude or cool.”
    Freedom 125: Dressing normally in a normal society.
    Freedom 126: Normal is what everyone else is, and you are not.
    Freedom 205: Introduction to “WORK?”
    Freedom 238: History of “WORK”
    Freedom 301: Get a job and go to WORK.
    (Etc… Actual freedom classes are 400-level courses and require successful completion of the above curriculum.)

  13. Hey, Jimmy, truly sorry about Patty Murray. Would Washington even elect a Republican senator if the candidate was former UW football coach Don James? How about Jesus?

    We should probably abandon the coasts, but we do need seaports for our Navy. I just don’t know.

  14. *Sigh* Thanks, Marko. She’s done her damage like all the rest and will become irrelevant soon. BTW, Dino Rossi can’t campaign his way out of a paper sack – and should just quit trying. That was part of it.

    Washington State used to be Republican… mostly. Although it did narrowly go for Kennedy in 1960. I remember it vividly because I wore a “Nixon” pin to a Catholic school! Yeah! Nixon’s The One. Hehehe. (Nixon and Cheney are the reason I like to randomly utter the phrase “I like Dick!”)

    The only thing that’s saving Washington, now that lumber and fishing are dead, is agriculture on the east side and too many highly-educated people working for Boeing, Microsoft, Amazon, etc., here in the west who just don’t want to leave. So, there’s still a lot of money here.

  15. Heard in the news room:
    “Those G-Damn Republicans, there they go again,
    shoving their morality down everyone’s throat,
    it’s my body , my choice, and there will be angry protests in the streets,
    start planning one today.
    Oh, wait,San Francisco? Democrats are doing this?
    Never mind.”

  16. I presume, Jimmy, that lumber is a dead industry because the California liberals moved to Washington and banned sawmills along with trees in order to protect innocent liberal noggins from running into sawmills and trees too often. Fishing? Unions, unions and Democrats, “Sleep with the fishes”, you know the rest.

    Good luck. I know you know you guys aren’t alone.

  17. I love San Francisco. Whenever things seem a little dull or you’re feeling some election hangover you can count on San Fran to bring a laugh to your day by doing something monumentally stupid and this doesn’t disappoint. I wonder when McDonalds is going to Cry havoc and let slip the lawyers of war. They just keep getting slapped around by these types of d-bags and they have to be running out of cheeks. The least McD;s could do is take these stupid b*atards to court. The more time they force the city to spend in court the less time these pesky scamps will have to interfere in someone else life or lives.

  18. McDonald’s simply needs to put condoms in their Happy Meals along with a pamphlet on how to freely enjoy sex at any age along with Planned Parenthood’s number and they should be set to go!

  19. Excellent suggestion, ussjc. Since San Francisco already hands-out condoms in grade school, your new Happy Meal would target the toddler and preschool demographic. And let’s throw-in a “free abortion on demand” certificate to show the children just how much we really care!

  20. Of course they banned Happy Meals in Than Franthithco! It’s illegal to be happy there. Why do you think they keep voting for Nutsy Piglosi? You’d be a miserable SOB too if she was representing YOU!

  21. And BTW, your comment on Rossi and paperbags was dead on. I was not happy when he came in to the race, I thought there were a number of conservatives in the primary that would have put up a good fight.

  22. Thanks, Nylecoj. I love it over there. But it might be too close to Frank in Idaho with all those political undergrounds and militias and such. I could see myself being sucked right out of the Soviet State of Washington into a land with no saltwater!

  23. We need to take a page from the movies “Escape From New York” and Escape from LA” and turn them into giant prisons, except we turn those states into prisons not just those cities. It’s a good time to do it too, the liberals are highly concentrated there, so all we have to do is set up a DMZ around those states.

  24. Eric,

    Where is the rest of the country going to get it’s food from then?

    Food Facts:
    California has been the number one food and agricultural producer in the United States for more than 50 consecutive years.
    More than half the nation’s fruit, nuts, and vegetables come from here.
    California is the nation’s number one dairy state.
    From 70 to 80% of all ripe olives are grown in California.
    California is the nation’s leading producer of strawberries, averaging 1.4 billion pounds of strawberries or 83% of the country’s total fresh and frozen strawberry production.
    California produces 25% of the nation’s onions and 43% of the nation’s green onions.

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