Is Justin Bieber really cutting his hair? Maybe this is the moment our country finally starts turning things around.
Is there a checkbox to tell IE that it’s only my last resort browser and will never ever be default?
Do the Koch brothers pay people to be right-wing, because they owe me back pay.
The Massive Dynamic logo in Fringe is a ripoff of the Nintendo 64 logo.
This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From Kris:
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From Kris:
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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Kris:
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From Arik:
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From Arik:
From Arik:
From Arik:
From Arik:
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From Arik:
From Arik:
From Arik:
From Jinxmedic:
From Larsinkima:
From Larsinkima:
From Kris:
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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
So, there are these teachers unions whose goal are to make sure kids get taught the least for the most amount of money, and they are causing big trouble in Wisconsin. It seems to me a quick solution is to just fire all the teachers; that would make all this debate over collective bargaining pretty moot. I know, I know: “But then who would teach our kids?”
Anytime you’re in a tough situation, it’s a good time to sit and reflect on whether The Simpsons dealt with a similar situation. And in one episode the teachers went on strike, so they planned to replace them with robots. They didn’t have robots back then, though, so they instead went with people from the community, but we do have robots now. You all saw that computer on Jeopardy, right? Why can’t we just put that in a robot body and have it teach kids? It wouldn’t care about benefits or anything about itself; it would only care about its programmed mission: Teach children. And it would kill, maim, or otherwise disable anyone who stood in its way. So, you know, fair notice to disruptive students.
Basically, anytime any problem arises in the future, just assume my solution is robots. Purple monkey dishwasher.
So first a dictator in Egypt falls, and now people are finally getting fed up with that loony toon in Libya — Gadafi, Q-Daffy… something like that. And its spreading, and I assume it will move even faster as more dictators crumble. There is a lot to be angry at in the Middle East — dictators, oppression, horrid living conditions — and there is also a lot of anger there… just not directed at anything useful. But look what happens when people start to say, “Hey, instead of being angry at America and the Jews, let’s be angry at things directly affecting us like our sucky governments.” Boom! Revolution! Probably a lesson for the left here at home too: Try being angry at actual things instead of made up crazy things.
Of course, what if the Middle East finally advances, but still want to destroy America and kill the Jews? Part of what keeps Israel safe is all the people around them who want to kill them are all backwards dictatorships. It’s like the Nazis came back, but with only caveman level technology. Still, maybe the Middle East will calm down as it advances. It’s like why we don’t have supervillians in real life and real criminals are mainly just dumb thugs: If you’re a genius, you have a lot of better, more productive things to do than be a criminal. And maybe when the Middle East finally advances, they’ll find better things to do than obsess over the Jews.
But I’d keep an eye on them.
I kind of like this idea of the opposite of going Galt where all the whiners run away.
Finally saw the Social Network. Now I want to see a dramatization of the founding of CatsThatLookLikeHitler.com.
NASCAR is a lot like chess. And a little like chutes and ladders.
Actually, I think it mostly resembles Mario Kart.
In Bones, do they even bother anymore trying explaining why the murders they investigate are federal cases?
The kind of signs we need in Idaho.
I have President’s Day off! I’ve never had it off before, so I’m not sure how I’m supposed to celebrate it. I guess I could write a nice letter to President Obama. We do have our differences, but I do like days off.
Oh, it’s actually called “Washington’s Birthday” and not Presidents Day? So something good happens, and as usual, it has nothing to do with Obama. I guess I could go some place and use a bunch of one dollar bills to honor Washington. Now where’s a place one would use a lot of one dollar bills? Oh yeah, the dollar store! So, for Washington’s Birthday, I will be at the dollar store. It is the best way to honor how he won WWII or whatever.
I know. Some of you thought today was “Presidents’ Day.” Don’t let that bother you. Some of you believe in the Loch Ness Monster, UFOs, and that Elvis works at a Burger King in Michigan.
Where I come from, we usually look at such people and say “Bless their heart.” That’s Georgia-speak for “What a dumbass.”
I know, the calendar you got at the kiosk at the mall has “Presidents Day” written in the little block for today. Well, about those people that made that calendar? Bless their heart.
I know, all the TV and radio ads talk about “Presidents Day” sales going on today. Those people that wrote those commercials? Bless their heart.
Today’s a federal holiday. And, it’s “Washington’s Birthday.” Take a look at United States Code 5 U.S.C. 6103 and see what it says. Sure enough, it says “Washington’s Birthday.”
Now, the truth is that George Washington’s birthday isn’t until tomorrow. In fact, the official federal holiday for Washington’s Birthday never falls on his actual birthday. Who else but the government could screw up a birthday so bad? And some folks want them in charge of health care. Bless their heart.
Why do I make a big deal about what today is called? Because I think it’s bad idea to ignore history. George Washington was actually a pretty important guy in American history. Important enough to actually give a holiday for his birthday.
George Washington
George Washington was born on February 11, 1731. You see, the colony of Virginia, like all of Great Britain, was using the Julian calendar at the time. When Britain and the colonies adopted the Gregorian calendar in 1752, a lot of dates changed. New Years Day moved from March 25 to January 1, and 11 days disappeared. You can read all about that craziness here.
The upshot is that the old style date of February 11, 1731 became February 22, 1732. And that’s George Washington’s birthday.
George Washington became a surveyor, joined the Virginia militia, fought in the Seven Years War (AKA the French and Indian War), married a rich widow, fooled around a lot, and became a successful businessman.
As tensions mounted between the colonies and the British Crown, Washington led the American forces in the Revolutionary War, culminating in the British surrender and recognition of the United States of American as a soverign nation. After several unsuccessful governments were established under the Articles of Confederation, a new Constitution was adopted in 1787 (ratified in 1788). The presidential electors unanimously selected Washington as the first President, the only person ever so honored.
Washington served two terms, retired, and lived a quiet life until 1799.
As a military officer and a statesman and politician, Washington was one of the most respected Americans. And, his birthday was celebrated by the states. In 1879, Washington’s Birthday became the fifth federal holiday, joining New Year’s Day, Independence Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Day.
Holiday confusion
In 1968, the movement to change many holidays to a nearby Monday began. In 1971, Richard Nixon issued Executive Order 11582, beginning that process. Still, the holiday is officially Washington’s Birthday, and has always been Washington’s Birthday. (Snopes has a write-up about this, too, by the way.)
Some states observed Abraham Lincoln’s birthday (February 12). Some still might. And some people got the idea that the new federal holiday in February was for Washington and Lincoln. Bless their heart.
Somewhere along the way, people began to call today’s holiday “Presidents’ Day.” Whether by design or not, it contributes to the ignorance of Americans. It ignores the importance of George Washington. And it causes many Americans to either forget or never understand the contributions of George Washington in the formation of this great country.
So, I wish you a very pleasant Washington’s Birthday today. Some of you are off work. Others, like me, have a regular work day. Whatever your plans are, take some time to remember George Washington.
And, if you’re celebrating Presidents Day today? Bless your heart.
Yes, it’s Lincoln’s Intercontinental Railroad:
“Listen, Abraham Lincoln helped to build the interstate… intercontinental railroad in the middle of the Civil War”.
Jump to 56 seconds before the end (timer counts down):
1) The TRANSCONTINENTAL railroad was completed in 1869, 4 years after both the War and Lincoln ended
2) It was done by private companies. To haul freight. For profit.
6 second audio clip here:
[audio:http://www.imao.us/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Obama-Intercontinental-Railroad.mp3]Ya know, I thought it odd that TMJ4, who did the interview, deliberately chose not to make the video embeddable. Guess they were afraid Obama’s idiocy would go viral.
Welcome to the internet, TMJ4.
UPDATE: Oh God… it’s not even the first time he’s said it.
UPDATE 2: And at a commencement address at University of Michigan in May of 2010…
So Kos tweeted this:
Dear Tea Baggers, It’s our turn now.
What a weird little guy. Still, one has to wonder what he thinks it’s his turn to do. The liberals have already done their big special attack in a previous turn (which required having the presidency and majorities in the House and Senate and 100 mana), and that was the useless stimulus and Obamacare which might be found unconstitutional. Of course, I’m guessing Kos’s plan for his turn is to whine impotently, and in that case his turn never really ended.
So what do you think it’s Kos turn to do?
Did you know it’s been two years since Obama’s stimulus has passed? It was supposed to keep unemployment from going over 8%. It did not do that. Still, the Obama administration has touted a number of accomplishments of the stimulus:
* Kept pedophiles unemployed and unable to afford vans.
* Has caused no harm whatsoever to unicorns.
* Reduced carbon emission by eliminating the need to drive to and from work each day.
* Allowed Obama to gain his inheritance by fulfilling condition of his uncle’s will to spend a trillion dollars while gaining no assets.
* Demotivated terrorists from destroying America since that now seems less impressive.
* Has kept pirate attacks to a minimum.
* According to quantum physicists, has created or saved 80 billion jobs in alternate universes.
* Successfully eliminated one possibility from things that might work to help the economy.
* Will help ensure our future children get taught about a thing called “debt”.
* Got the Republicans a majority in the House.
So Walker, Wisconsin Governor, is trying to take on the teachers unions and cut the budget, and what was the Democrats’ response? They fled the state — just ran away. The left’s tactics have gotten increasingly odd as they get less and less popular, and now when confronted with state budget problems they’ve settled on running and hiding. Strangely, Walker has sent the police to find them, but I don’t get why. I guess they’re needed to finalize the bill, but there has to be some way around that. It’s just when you hear the Democrat legislators have fled your state, it’s really odd that your first response would be, “How do I get them back?” The smarter response is, “Can we nationalize this?” We need to find what laws will get Democrats to flee from all the other states and what will cause Obama to leave the White House and run and hide. And if these chase away the Democrats bills are passed in every state, eventually the Democrats will have no option but to flee to Canada — and they’ll probably be much happier there. We certainly will be. And you know what happens when all Democrats flee to Canada? That’s right: We’ve won the future.
Ever know anyone whose working hours were actually 9 to 5?
With a name like Walker, you need to put your state and job after your name. “Walker, Wisconsin Governor.”
I don’t if it sounds cool for my name. “Fleming, Idaho Engineer.” Eh, somewhat cool.
When we’ve tied up Obama and put him on a high speed rail leaving DC, we’ve won the future.
The sun has launched an attack on the earth.
A solar flare was emitted Tuesday, and it’s heading this way.
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association (NOAA) said the possible effects from the geomagnetic storm include power grid fluctuations, impact on satellite operations, effects on migratory animals and the visibility of auroras in places like New York, Idaho, Michigan and Maine.
Yes, it’s hitting any moment now.
It may have already hit. But, I don’t think it has, since life on earth hasn’t burned up and the continents haven’t turned into pools of molten rock.
And, did you notice that one of the places impacted would be Idaho? Frank J. lives near there, I think. And the CME could affect his blogging. I don’t know if it’ll make it better or worse, but I don’t like change, so whatever happens, I won’t like it.
But, let’s look at the bigger picture. This solar attack is like the plot out of a bad direct-to-video movie that airs on the SyFy Channel
We also need to ask why. Why is the sun attacking us?
I think it’s pissed that humans are trying to take credit for global warming, when it’s the sun that causes the earth to warm up and cool down. The sun has sat there, 93-million miles away, watching us. And it’s tired of Al Gore giving credit to humans for its work.
I think we need to take all the “global warming/climate change/whatever it’s called next” crowd and put them in a rocket and shoot them off into space. Not like some B Ark plot, but to distract the CMEs. It’ll see the rocket ship full of screaming environmentalists and direct its attention that way.
Al Gore could end up saving the earth after all.
Even then, we won’t be completely safe. There’s still the threat of Tiffany vs Debbie Gibson.
