* Obama turned 50 years old yesterday, and the market celebrated by dropping ten points for each year Obama has been alive (and a few extra for good luck). It doesn’t seem like getting Obama to let up on the gas a little as he races towards a cliff was enough to convince the markets things are going to be peachy.
But, man, 50 years old — that’s a long time not to pay much attention. I mean I look at him with his fifty years of experience of… whatever exactly it is he did with his life, and then I see what a foolish president he is and it’s like he’s barely learned anything worthwhile in his life. How do you do that for fifty years? How do you keep yourself at such a distance from reality so as not to learn anything about it? I mean, I won’t be fifty for another eighteen years, and over that time I expect to learn so much that at a half a century I’ll be unstoppable. Literally unstoppable. Nations and armies will try to stop me, but they won’t be able to.
Because I’ll be so knowledgeable.
* BTW, Obama has said he’s going to “pivot to jobs”. He’s said that a number of times before, but this time he totally means it. Unfortunately, Jay Carney undermined him a bit when he said the unfortunate truth “The White House doesn’t create jobs.” Really, if you’re waiting on Obama to create jobs, you’re an idiot. The man has never held a real job in his life — much of his cabinet hasn’t either; why in the world would anyone think he has the slightest idea how jobs are created. He doesn’t even know what a job looks like. It’s like waiting on a caveman to build you an airplane.
* I spoke too soon! Obama’s pivot on jobs worked! Unemployment has shot down by 0.1% Of course, these numbers always get adjusted later, and it’s always the other way. Also, a lot of the drop in unemployment is from people giving up on looking for work. Actually, there’s a doable strategy for Obama to eliminate unemployment: Make it so bleak and depressing that everyone just gives up. Finally, an economic idea that Obama would actually have some skills at.
* Congress’s disapproval is at a record 82%. I don’t see why. Congress isn’t doing much, and they’re taking a long time to do it. What else would you want?
* Sarah Palin responded to Biden calling Tea Party members terrorists with this:
“Yeah, right. Independent patriotic Americans who desire fiscal sanity in our beloved nation being called terrorists, heck, Sean, if we were real domestic terrorists, shoot, President Obama would be wanting to pal around with us, wouldn’t he?”
I’m just surprised someone hasn’t reported this yet as “Palin Says ‘Shoot President Obama'”.
* The Communist Party has already endorsed President Obama for the 2012 election. Seems a little premature when they don’t even know who the Republicans are nominating, but guess it’s just hard for them to imagine a better candidate for Communist to vote for than Obama. I’d have trouble imagining a better one, but I’ll try…
No, anytime I try to use my imagination, all I can ever think of are dinosaurs fighting giant robots.
* When speaking to Keith Olbermann, Al Gore said… Okay, I can’t even pretend to care. Let’s just move on.
* When I brought up RiffTrax in the last Nuke the News, a few people said they like MST3K better, but I disagree. I’ve been watching some of those too, but the riffing seems slower back then. I think they’ve really refined their skills since the TV show and the humor is much punchier. Also, I get more of the references; some of MST3K — especially with Joel — could be pretty obscure. Furthermore, the ScfFi channel seasons were actually my favorite, and RiffTrax has the same three from then (Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett). Plus, it’s pretty cool to finally see them take on blockbusters instead of just bad movies we’ve never seen before.
Though I do agree I miss the silhouettes.
* In the area of this being my blog and I’ll talk about what I want, I would like to reminisce about video games. One of my all time favorite video game experiences was the game Riven, the sequel to Myst. I got that game while home on Christmas vacation from college and thus had lots of time to sit down and play it uninterrupted. And the way you start out in a big confusing world where nothing makes sense and then, through lots of exploration and trial and error, it all eventually comes together and makes sense was just beautiful. I still remember the glory of finally realizing *SPOILER* they were using a base five numbering system, which finally put a bunch of confusing things into place. It reminds me a lot of reverse engineering and debugging someone else’s code, how you have to slowly follow the logic and piece it together.
I know hardcore gamers scoff at the Myst series, but that was one of my all time favorite game experiences. I say favorite experience versus favorite game, because you can’t really ever go back and play it again and it be anywhere near like the first time.
I believe that we may have been too hard on President Obama. If you look back over the time that he has spent in office and then think of how many times he has said: ” I will not rest until…” . My theory is that the poor guy is just exhausted. He has had no rest since taking office and precious little while he was campaigning before the election. Send the guy to his room for a nap.
“Obama is going to pivot to jobs. He’s said this before but he really means it this time.”
Well now, we all know that Obama is all about his basketball, so maybe he’s just confused:
See, in basketball, turning on the pivot foot is a travel, so maybe the reason he keeps golfing and vacationing is because he pivots to jobs and then automatically goes, “Oh! I pivoted! That’s a travel! This President stuff is cool!” and then he goes and hops on Air Force One or hits the links.
I bet it’s just a simple misunderstanding.
I, for one, loved the Myst series… I’m guessing it’s been long enough since I finished them that I might enjoy them again. Certainly wish I had that much free time…
Obama has never held a real job, never built an honest small business that created a job nor been friends with someone who has. Yet a lot of people expected him to create millions and millions…..
I think its time to take away their “My Opinions Matter” card.
Guess we need to update the old:
2008 dissent is the highest form of patriotism
2009 dissent is the highest form of racism
2010 dissent is the highest form of violence
2011 dissent is the highest form of terrorism
This is what happens when you let alynskied pseudo-intellectual marxists take control of the media and academia and do nothing to stop it.
Hey, wait a minute. Didn’t Obama say that he was turning 57 – ?
@shiggz, Don’t think I could say that any better….
I do find it interesting that when Muslims protest their governments violently in the street, they’re categorized as mainly peaceful protesters demanding justice. But, when Tea Partiers protest peacefully in the streets they’re dangerous terrorists.
What!? Hardcore gamers don’t scoff at Myst. Myst was groundbreaking for its time. How much of the series have you played? Have you played Uru? I think they put it up online for free mystonline.com
They’re also working on a movie on it based on the Book of Tiana mystmovie.com
http://www.mst3k.com/store/product.php?productid=37&cat=9&page=2
Did someone say they miss the silhouettes?
Crabby Old Bat FTW! Best laugh I’ve had all day.
Unemployment numbers will start to pick up as unemployed people look at our congress and then look at Obama and then look at the stock market and then they will shoot themselves. As they are removed from the numbers of potential job seekers, they are no longer part of the unemployed so TICK…up go the numbers. Plus, our carbon footprint will be like way lighter with evil humans being TICK (there goes another one) eliminated! TICK, TICK, TICK… I can’t stand the prosperity…TICK!!!
I just realized that if I jump off the roof of my house, I won’t ever hit the ground!!! Math rocks. I will fall 1/2 way, then 1/2 way of that 1/2 and then 1/2 way of that 1/2…to infinity without actually hitting the ground. Awesome!!! Someone should try this out (Jimmy) and report back to us…
Slowness of riffs? I tell you what, Mister Instant Gratification, I don’t think I have any respect for you now!
When Mike said “Let’s rip off the last scene from Key Largo, Mitchell!”, it’s not his fault if the audience didn’t know what he meant. When Crow said, “Merle Haggard is lookin’ pretty good these days!” during Werewolf, it’s not his fault if kids have never heard of Merle Haggard.
The references are one of the most important ingredients in an MST3k casserole. I never once thought the majority of their references were particularly obscure, but I suppose it’s a matter of personal taste.
I will also add that someone on another website was complaining because he felt the riffing on MST3k was too fast.
I just figured out where Frank J was yesterday. The pentagon sold off their Lightning Gun on EBAY and someone bought the whole thing!!! Frank is now working in his super secret Mega (Canagie Mellon) Brain lab to bring back a dinosaur from DNA that he bought on the Black Market. Then he shall have Dinosaurs with Lightning Guns…and he will rule the Universe…Muwhahahahahahah!!! The girls, split when they heard about his evil plans and saw the look of like total insanity in his eyes!!!
I played Planetfall (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planetfall) in college… for hours and hours and hours… I’m old.
Dissenter are now terrorists? Sweet! I thought I’d have to sign up or take a test or pay an application fee or something. Shoot, I wanna sign up. Put me on a watch list.
Al who?
@ussjimmycarter: Shouldn’t it be DamnCat who tests your roof-jumping theory? Cats are always jumping off of insanely high objects anyway, and they always land – or in this case, never will land – on their feet. (Seriously, my calculus teacher lost me when she said, “Infinitely approaching zero is zero.” What? Huh? No it isn’t! If you infintely approach, you never get to zero. Lies! Deception! Math!) (I am so old that The Princess Bride was not around yet, but if it had been, I would have been quoting the line about that word not meaning what you think it means.)
Obama is pivoting on jobs…again…and again…and again. He appears to be going around circles.
@ Crabby – I won’t be jumping off anything to test anyone’s stupid theory. Especially any theory that originated with ussjimmycarter who appears to have landed on his head more than once.
Crabby Old Bat – Infinity is fun. It’s actually quite impossible. It doesn’t work well with negative numbers… Try the math sometime.
I thought of AlleyCatTakesItUpThePoopShoot for my experiment but figured he’s got one or two lives left anyway and some big ole Tom cat is going to bugger him to death a couple of times…which sounds like more fun from our end!!!
Sorry to disappoint you, ussworstpresidentever – we cat’s really aren’t into buggery – that’s one of your navy traditions.
@Marko: I never thought the MST3K refrerences were alll too obscure until I looked up a few episodes. I was surprised at what I had missed.
Best obscure reference: The Getaway Chase Game, a fun but relatively unknown game from my childhood.
Frank, you missed out on the Golden Age of Video Games. Who from my generation could forget Death Race 2000 — a game so horrible that mothers banded together to abolish it — thus ruining our fun. There was Battlezone, Gorf, Joust, Tron, not to forget the real sit-down version of Spy Hunter.
@ussjimmycarter: Whaddaya mean infinity doesnt’ work well with negative numbers? Have you seen the budget deficit lately? Obama and the Democrats have no problem with the concept at all.
What ussjimmycarter needs to do is pick one of those 10,000 lakes and go jump in it!
> I’m just surprised someone hasn’t reported this yet as “Palin Says ‘Shoot President Obama’”.
A very astute analysis. Brilliant, I might add. (or I might not). I curse you for thinking of it before I did.
And as keen observers to my recent posts here and my twitter feed may know, I’ve started Rifftrax recently. My wife has come up with a suggestion that SarahK may want to emulate (you know, in all her spare time): cardboard cutout simulating the MST3K silhouette and scotch-taping it to the TV set while watching Rifftrax blockbusters.
Or maybe it was extra Scotch while taping on the TV set.
As you were.
Wow. UssJimmyCarter is taking some abuse. Someone should really defend him. Maybe that will happen in the next post Frank does.
Hey did you all hear? We got downgraded – first time in USA history. Of course, this is entirely due to Sarah Palin and her terrorist, hostage-taking, vampire, evil rhetoric ways.
“I just realized that if I jump off the roof of my house, I won’t ever hit the ground!!! Math rocks. I will fall 1/2 way, then 1/2 way of that 1/2 and then 1/2 way of that 1/2…to infinity without actually hitting the ground. Awesome!!! Someone should try this out (Jimmy) and report back to us…” – ussjimmycarter
CarolynthePregnant, that guy clearly needs to go swimming. I mean, he’s advocating that I jump off the roof of my house at my delicate age! Years ago, at age 17, I deliberately jumped off my parents roof (about 12 feet). It was all I could do to land on my feet and not roll. And I was a B-ball player at the time and in top shape. I don’t recommend anyone ever try jumping to the ground from that height unless they’re life depends on it.
The heat has gotten to him, I think. The poor little trouper.
So, I did the math. From 12 feet, time to the ground is .866 seconds. Velocity at landing is 27.7 feet/second or 18.89 mph.
@Burmshave: Ha! We had Getaway Chase Game too! We loved it — until we realized one car was always faster than the other.
And I loved Myst, except for Myst V. Too different from the others. World dynamics were weird, with the teleportation plates and flying bug people and such, and no real actors used. David Ogden Stiers’ only bad vocal performance, too.
DamnCat says:
August 5th, 2011 at 6:06 pm
Sorry to disappoint you, ussworstpresidentever
usssecondworstpresidentever ?
Point taken, RAML – how about ussworstex-presidentever?
MYST!!!1!one1!11!! 😀
Meanwhile in the news, S&P just downgraded the US credit rating. And of course the White House is complaining loudly that it was a stupid decision, as if somehow S&P is responsible for the government being retarded. I would hope this would do some good for the economy, sober the government up to taking proper action, but I’ve learned better than to expect that from them anymore. :/
Alright you losers, as a us class attack submarine, I’m about to start smoting some name caller types starting with a certain ghey feline!!! When a nuclear class submarine smotes you, your ass has been like super smoted so be prepared! I’m thinking a couple of targeted nuclear tipped cruise missles and there will be a few less ussjimmycarter critics on this site and my chances for High Praise shall increase significantly!!! So when some people just stop posting, you will know…muwhahahahahahahah!!!
And as long as “some people” keep posting here we’ll know that ussjimmymalaise is shooting blanks.
The ussjimmycarter is a land-based, no-attack submarine museum. The name of the guy that runs the place is Steve.
Hehe. Gotcha.
One should never begin a battle of wits with someone who didn’t bring any weapons. Very bad form.
I read an interview with the MST3K guys years ago, and they prided themselves on obscure references. They intended for everyone to not get all the references. The reason being, when you DID get one of the obscure references is was way funnier because it was so obscure. I agree with them MST3K was much funnier than RiffTrax.
You will all notice that Bantha_Fodder stopped posting… My wrath or just something that “happened”… Just food for thought. Sleep tight tonight!
If you’re referring to ussjimmycarter, seanmahair, don’t worry. He’s got weapons and he springs ’em when least expected!
And now, especially since I have a son in Afghanistan, 5 minutes of silence for the 31 troups killed today by the Taliban, 25 of whom were reportedly Seal Team 6 members.
Amen
OMG! A Myst and MST3K reference in the same post! Universes collide!
Amen and God Bless or Military and the families of these brave warriors, Jimmy!
“But, man, 50 years old — that’s a long time not to pay much attention. I mean I look at him with his fifty years of experience of… whatever exactly it is he did with his life, and then I see what a foolish president he is and it’s like he’s barely learned anything worthwhile in his life. How do you do that for fifty years?”
I’m older than that and I learned to cross walkways by looking both ways. To be more blunt I learned evil is wrong young in life and didn’t accept the succubus temptation of letting them suck the effing blood life outta me. And there you have it.
#5 – Shiggz,
“2008 dissent is the highest form of patriotism
2009 dissent is the highest form of racism
2010 dissent is the highest form of violence
2011 dissent is the highest form of terrorism”
stay tuned for 2012 when
Dissent becomes the highest form of Treason!
I am a huge fan of MST3K and have just started on Riff Trax, watching the DVD version of them doing several shorts. Though it’s too early to make an informed judgement on MST vs RT, I must say, though the host segments were never my favorite part of the show, I missed the guys doing some form of mockery or play-let in between films. As far as obscure, I have gone through a bunch on DVD, I love Then Came Bronson references! Oh, and I agree, Frank, SciFi days with Mike were the best