Nuke the News: We Didn’t Save a Pretzel for the Gas Jets

* So it’s looks like Rick Perry is dropping out. He seemed like such a good candidate with his conservative credentials and Texas jobs record, but then in the debates he appeared inebriated, confused, and like he wasn’t completely familiar with the English language. It was just a scary prospect to make him our nominee. Also, him calling most Republicans “heartless” for not wanting to pay for college tuition of illegal aliens indicated that maybe he didn’t have a firm a grasp of conservative principles as we thought.

It seems strange he’d drop out only two days before the South Carolina primary… unless he really wants to see Mitt Romney defeated. Intrade had Gingrich with an 8% chance of winning that primary, but now he’s jumped to 30%. So maybe there is a chance to finally bring down the establishment candidate Romney who is being shoved down our throats and instead elect the insurgent… former Speaker of the House.

What are we trying to do again?

* Iowa said that Santorum actually won their primary caucus by 34 votes… but they can’t certify it cause pigs done ate the votes or something. Why do we let Iowa be the first primary state to vote? If they can’t even get a simple vote together, I’m starting to wonder why we even let them be a state.

* Obama has decided not to approve the Keystone pipeline. It would have provided oil and jobs, but it’s not like we really need any of that right now. What it also would have done is make environmentalists unhappy, and can you really put a price tag on the happiness of environmentalists? If you did, it would apparently be billions of dollars.

* Obama is claiming in new ads that evil billionaires are after him. Oh no, poor millionaire being bullied by billionaires!

Hey, if you ever want a good example of a millionaire who has done nothing useful to society to earn it, you got a great example sitting right there in the White House. What useful thing has Obama ever done that would lead to him being rich? Community organizer? His success does seem like an indictment of capitalism.

* According to a recent poll, 52% of people think Obama has accomplished “not much” or “little or nothing.” So next time someone charges that Obama has ruined the economy, he can point to this poll and say, “No, most people say I’ve hardly done anything at all.”

* Wisdom of the Day from Brian Lehman:

Movies are best enjoyed knowing nothing about guns, computers, science, or human nature.

* I finally figured out what’s bothered me so much about all the anti-SOPA stuff. It’s that a lot of people outraged by it are the same people who are for ignorant politicians regulating everything else in our lives. It’s like they don’t care if we’re free in the real world, but they just want to pretend to be free online. Why can’t they muster this outrage when know-nothing idiots tell us what light bulbs we can buy or people who’ve never even held a gun try to dictate how they should be made?

And really, the government has more of a claim to regulate the internet than other things since it created the internet — or at least Senators Al Gore and Ted Stevens did when they duct taped together a bunch of tubes.

Random Thoughts

Because of Sesame Streets’s The Count, our generation grew up not fearing vampires and thus the Twilight series happened.

What Mark Wahlberg said wan’t that ridiculous. He usually beats someone up every flight he’s on.

I don’t get the left freaking out over SOPA but not over other regulation. It’s like they only want to pretend to be free online.

Let’s just send Mark Wahlberg to Congress, shut the doors for a few hours, and then everything should be solved.

I’d much rather have annoying gun regulation to follow in Call of Duty than in real life.

“Sorry, you’re going to have to leave your gun. Your concealed carry permit isn’t valid for level 3.”

Romney: “I tried to release my tax returns, but Turbo Tax is too confusing. Timothy Geithner can back me up on this.”

Young Gingrich picture on Drudge looks like Dwight Schrute.

If I were Romney, I don’t know how I’d be able to stop myself from eventually yelling, “SHUT UP, YOU STUPID POOR PEOPLE!!!”

I only once accidentally tried to look something up on Wikipedia yesterday. It was a videogame.

Weird. On Chuck, Col. Casey (Adam Baldwin) said, “I have one mag left.” But close caption was, “I have one clip left.” Made us laugh. Maybe the actor had it right but the script had it wrong.

We watch all shows with close caption because we have a Buttercup. Wish Netflix had more shows with subtitle options.

Buttercup can count to two as long as you supply her the “one”.
“One.”
“TWO!!!”

Knowing stuff about guns can ruin movies. Sure, it looks cool to cock a 1911, but that should never happen in normal usage.

Ever try gently lowering the hammer on a 1911? Takes two hands because of the grip safety. Would never do it with a round in the chamber. But that’s what you would have to have done previously if you’re now cocking a 1911 to threaten someone.

Also remember a book where someone disengaged the safety on a 1911 and then chambered a round. A ridiculous sequence of events. I hope someone was fired for that one.

If Iowa can’t run a simple primary, maybe we should revoke their statehood.

“We don’t know who won ’cause pigs done ate the votes.”

Perry looked so good on paper but looked like such a bad idea in the debates.