Nuke the News: Giant Ant Heads

* If we want to get more people to pay attention to the debt crisis, we need to learn from global warming on how to present it.

Think of it: The next time the president tries to raise the debt ceiling and spend our way out of debt, panicked scientists rush to the president and say, “According to our computer models, if you keep adding to a number, it gets bigger.”

He’d probably demand they recheck their data, and they would say, “It’s undeniable: Only subtraction reduces the debt.” And the president would have to listen to them, because they’d be wearing lab coats.

Yes, it’s a new New York Post column by me, Frank J. Fleming. Go read it and have fun.

* So there were two Republican debates over the weekend. I watched the one Saturday but not the one Sunday morning because it was on Sunday morning. Anyway, the Saturday one was awful. They spent 15 minutes talking about whether states should theoretically be able to ban contraception — because that’s the big issue of the day. And the next two questions were on gay marriage because you know how many Republicans there are out there waiting to hear the candidates talk more about gay marriage before they make their decision.

Why do we have moderators of Republican debates who have no idea what Republicans actually care about? This is the heart of media bias: Even if these people tried as hard as they could to be fair to conservatives, they don’t understand them enough to represent their views. Liberals are just ignorant, and that’s fine and dandy except in a Republican primary debate.

* BTW, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but Mitt Romney is going to be the Republican nominee. Before one of you whines (and you should know, conservatives don’t whine) that barely any of the voting has happened yet, I’m just telling you what reality is. With how Romney is doing in the polls and how none of the other candidates have been able to lay a finger on him — and have barely even tried in the recent debates — it’s a done deal. If you don’t want Romney to be the Republican nominee, you better pray for a meteor because that’s what it will take to stop him now. Reality, dudes.

For the rest of us, we can start working on a Romney slogan. “Romney: Clearly not Obama”. Best I can come up with so far.

* So Obama is bypassing the Constitution again to do non-recess recess appointments, and Sunny is on the case:

* Illinois is apparently bouncing checks on lottery winnings. First off, don’t play the lottery — do something useful with your money. Second, don’t play the lottery in Chicago because you can’t trust these people.

Remember, Chicago is where Obama got all his political knowledge. What checks do you think he’s going to start bouncing?

* Wisdom of the Day from Ace of Spades:

protip: the best people to rebut a charge that a candidate has courted Nazis are probably not the Nazis who have been successfully courted.

* Has your main complaint about ants been that their jaws aren’t massive enough? Well, then it’s Science! to the rescue! Yes, Science! is making ant heads bigger because… it can. And if you’re all like, “I don’t like ants with massive heads and jaws!” then you’re anti-science. Stop standing in the way of progress, progress towards… a more powerful ant future, I guess.

So we can make ants with larger heads, but we can’t even get to the moon anymore? Which is too bad because that would be a good place to get away from the massive-jawed ants.

Random Thoughts

I prefer a secular government, but I’d like it designed and run by Christians. I still won’t trust it.

Aww man. I just realized the true meaning of Christmas but it’s a couple weeks late. Hope I remember it for next year.

How can you live in America and not own a gun? That’s like living in France and not owning stinky cheese.

For you Republican candidates trying to gain traction: Just punch a hippie in the face and make sure there are witnesses.

When my mom heard I was going to be on Monica Crowley’s show, her reaction was, “She knows Bill O’Reilly!”

It’s okay to hate and dehumanize people if you do it over politics and not race.

So Obama claims he never heard his pastor say nutty, racist things, and Ron Paul claims he never heard himself say it.

So how many Republicans are out there waiting on more discussion of gay marriage to decide who to vote for?

Are we really out of Iraq when we have thousands of armed contractors still there?

The Republican candidates all know there isn’t actually a prize for 2nd place, right?

Jon Huntsman: “I watched Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon without subtitles and followed most of it. Elect me president.”

Since it’s now pretty much certain Romney is going to be the nominee, what are we going to talk about until the convention?

Wow. The Simpsons are going to be having their 500th episode soon. I think you could probably count on one hand how many of those episodes I’ve never seen. Of course, for the first ten seasons, I probably average having seen each episode three times.

Turned the Bronco/Steelers game on and as soon as she saw a guy in a football helmet, Buttercup put her arms in the air and yelled, “Touchdown!”

Buttercup loves the Christmas coke cans. She keeps pointing at the polar bears on them and yells, “Rarr!”

Pep talk to Steelers: “Come on; this is to defeat Christianity once and for all.”

Didn’t seem like a Hail Mary would work against Tebow.

Lesson learned: If you homeschool your child and teach him to be a good Christian, he’ll win playoffs in the NFL.