Archive of entries posted on 12th January 2012

Nuke the News: Religious Firing Freedom

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* If Romney likes firing people, know what he should have been? A religious organization. The Supreme Court has ruled that if someone has any ministry duties, they can be fired for whatever reason and can’t sue for job discrimination. So there’s an actual extra freedom religion has, and it was supported in a 9-0 decision. So we’re always thinking everything is going to hell in a handbasket lately, but there’s some good news here and there. So do you think other businesses are going to become more religious so they can have more control over their own hiring and firing? Wouldn’t be the worst thing ever.

* An Iranian nuclear scientist was killed in a car bomb. But explosions are so common in the Middle East, they consider that a death by natural causes.

So who was responsible? The CIA? Mossad? Teenagers? Yeah, probably punk teenagers. Lou, cancel the prom!

* Warren Buffet said he should be paying more in taxes. So he was told he can just go ahead and write a check and do that. And his response: “No, you do that!” What a little weasel. I mean, he obviously understands giving the government more of his money is basically just tossing it in a black hole and pointless, yet he wants to forcefully confiscate other people’s money for this? I’m starting to think maybe the government should confiscate his money and give it to more responsible, more honest billionaires.

* Hostess has filed for bankruptcy. We all thought Michelle Obama’s healthy eating crusade was funny, but now it’s destroying jobs. Michelle, don’t let your hatred of fat kids destroy the American economy!

* Well, that’s all I have time for today. What did you all find newsworthy today? Hmm. That’s very interesting. Tell me more!

Probably Just Me

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[pic via IMAO reader Laurie]

Has anyone else noticed that Michelle Obama’s eyebrows run at opposite angles to her brow ridges, making it look like she has two x’s above her eyes?

It’s like Beaker was on vacation and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew had a bad accident with her at Muppet Labs.

By the way, from now on, you’ll be helpless to keep from noticing Michelle’s XX problem in every picture you see of her. Sorry about that.

Bonus question: what was originally in the background before they the White House web-nerds photoshopped in the out-of-focus stockings and Christmas tree?

Random Thoughts

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Hostess is bankrupt? Now Michelle Obama’s healthy eating campaign is KILLING JOBS!

Stop Romney? Unpossible!

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We’ve been told by the media, so you know it’s true: Romney is unstoppable!

Have you seen the delegate count?

He already has 20 delegates, 7 of which are binding. And he’s only … let’s do the math real quick … 1,124 shy of securing the nomination. Unless the 13 non-binding delegates jump ship. Even then he’s still only 1,137 delegates shy of wrapping this whole thing up.

Rick Santorum, meanwhile, only has 12 non-binding delegates. That means he has to get all of 1,132 delegates and hope none of those 12 go elsewhere. Unpossible, I tell you!

Look at the numbers! 1,124 is less than 1,132. There’s no way Santorum can get such a large number in so short a period of time. And Romney? That small number he has to achieve and he’s got months to get that total. Unstoppable, I tell you!!

And don’t even get me started on how far Newt Gingrich or Rick Perry has to go. They’re both 20 delegates behind Romney.

Twenty!!1!!!!

But for the rest of the GOP field? Give it up. It’s over. Pack it in, fellas. There’s no way Romney can be stopped. He’s a juggernaut. Which is like an astronaut, but with jugs. Or maybe I’m thinking of something I saw on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Doesn’t matter. Romney can’t be stopped!

The Republican establishment is ready for you to come on board. The media is ready for you to come on board. They are ready to accept your support of Mitt Romney.


[Direct link]

Join them, won’t you?

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