The new Microsoft tablet will be an iPad killer. But after brutally killing the iPad, it won’t be able to live with itself. Murder suicide!
HER: “I’m going to get Buttercup training pants. They’re like underwear, but thicker.”
ME: “I thought they were pants with wheels.”
I don’t “like” my own stuff; seems incestuous.
The same person commented twice in two different threads on how I wasted his time. If that’s not funny, I don’t know what is.
It is possible I don’t know what’s funny.
Just once, I’d like someone to end a negative comment to my column with, “Good day, sir!”
SUPREME COURT JUST TELL US ABOUT OBAMACARE WE DONT CARE ABOUT THE OTHERS!!!
Right now, all those justices know the Obamacare decision and are just laughing at us.
The modern version of the telephone game is hastily typing an email on a smartphone and sending whatever autocorrect comes up with.
I know it’s going to be cheesy, but I’m excited for a Taken sequel. Now there was a Father’s Day movie.
If Obama can’t succeed, then the only explanation I can think of is that the country is forever broken.
Some people need to stop taking themselves so seriously. As Mark Twain said, “Why so serious?”
If it looks like the president is doing an inept job, it might just be because he’s inept.
I can tell if Buttercup has done something bad because her hands will be over her eyes. Good try at invisibility, but that doesn’t work.
Clemens lied, something something.
It must have been scary when Clemens lied to Congress. They’re like those aliens from Galaxy Quest who didn’t even know that was possible.
I asked Clemens if he was ever going to lie again, and he said, “No.” Wait a second…
I hope to one day be so rich that with rounding I’ll be part of the 0%.
“I work from 9 to 5, and then I go home. Don’t get the idea I’m in this for anything other than the paycheck.” -me as president
“My ancestors put a man on the moon,” I thought as I ate a taco that’s shell was made from Doritos.
Remember in Demolition Man where Taco Bell was the only restaurant in the future? We laughed, but that was before the Locos Tacos.
You can’t talk behind anyone’s back anymore.
“Burn it and destroy any record of it existing!” -first person the bagpipe was demonstrated to
If corporations aren’t people, then who was it my fist connected with I thought I was punching Bank of America?
Right now, all those justices know the Obamacare decision and are just laughing at us.
Actually, Ginsburg, Sotomayor, and Kagan are laughing because they’re enjoying the game of Twister that the three of them are playing.
Reading this was a total waste of my time. Good day, sir!
Happy now , Frank?
If Obama can’t succeed, then the only explanation I can think of is that the country is forever broken.
Oh man, this reminds me of what all guys used to do when an analog gauge (for those who can remember them) would report a value way out of bounds. The first thing to do was to tap the gauge. Then tap it some more. Then ponder on and discuss why the gauge was wrong. While this was taking place, the core would go critical and then proceed to melt down.
Let us, shall we, blame the job instead of its occupant.
I actually enjoy bagpipe music. Plus, it keeps people out of my office.
How’s about a bagpipe/banjo duet ?
If you can’t say something nice say ‘good day sir’
Q. Why do bagpipers march while they’re playing?
A. They’re trying to get away from the noise.
“It is possible I don’t know what’s funny.”
Indeed.
You don’t “know” it. You just are what you are.
Good day, sir!
If there were no bagpipes playing “Amazing Grace” during a movie, how would we know that we are supposed to feel sad?
Iowa Jim – that made be laugh!
Well, the free room and board plus fully paid travel expenses to exotic locales is also a big plus. And, you can finally implement your plan to NUKE THE MOON!!
Q: What is the definitions of a “gentleman”?
A: Someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but refrains.
Q: Why do bagpipers march while they’re playing?
A: It’s harder to hit moving targets.
“I don’t “like” my own stuff; seems incestuous.”
…No… it’s masturbatory…
You’re welcome…
My theory is that the Supreme Court is just putting Obama on ice.
I negatively hated this post. Good Day Sir!
Hooray for Jury Nullification!
5 years, 2 trials, 10 weeks of testimony, 10 hours of deliberation, and Clemens walks because if Congressmen don’t swear an oath to tell the truth, why should we?
also:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ineptocracy