Liberals are always going on and on about the Koch brothers. Even Aaron Sorkin in his parody of liberalism, Newsroom, recently went on and on about how the Koch brothers are behind the Tea Party and all other evil. But what do we really know about them? I sent my crack research staff to uncover all they could about these Koch brothers.
FUN FACTS ABOUT THE KOCH BROTHERS
* The names of the two brothers are Moloch and Baal.
* There is no actual evidence they are actually brothers. Or human.
* They have billions of dollars, mainly made by turning cute puppies into nuclear waste that they then dumped on orphans.
* They use their billions of dollars to make people against government using mind control rays, brainwashing, and think tanks.
* No one is actually against government spending, so the Tea Party is composed entirely of paid actors. Paid actors we’re quite certain will turn violent any day now.
* The three main motivations behind the Koch brothers are evil, pure evil, and double evil.
* No one ever self-identified as a conservative before the Koch brothers and their insidious money. If you think you were a conservative all your life, that’s just a false memory the Koch brothers implanted in your head using money.
* The Koch brothers had tricked liberals into thinking George W. Bush was behind every bad thing ever, but it is in fact the Koch brothers. And sometimes Palin.
* Don’t turn around; there’s a Koch brother behind you right now with money ready to influence you, and if you even look at him you’ll want small government.
* Half the thoughts in your head were put there by the Koch brothers’ money.
* If you find yourself surrounded by the Koch brothers and their money, then it’s too late for you. You probably already think government spending is too high.
* In a battle between the Koch brothers and Aquaman, Aquaman would be influenced by the Koch brothers’ evil money and join the Tea Party even though he used to love taxes.
* Everyone would think all the ideas of liberals are great if it weren’t for Koch brothers money. The fact that right now you’re thinking of punching liberals in their dumb, monkey faces is just the influence of their money. Fight their money influence; you can do it!
* KOCH BROTHERS!!!1!!111!!eleventy!!1!!
FULL DISCLOSURE: This post was paid for by the Koch brothers.
1) The Koch Brothers
2) Money
3) ?
4) No more unicorns.
Thi$ po$t i$ EVIL!!!!!111!!$$
Phew! At least the Koch brothers aren’t double pure evil.
The Koch Bros are the direct, malevolent, financially profligate opposite of the pure, saintly, and trouble-free Baldwins.
In fact, the Baldwin Brothers were most likely created by the Koch Brothers to divert attention away from their eeeee-vile, conservative master plans.
Also, every time the word “bro”-which was copyrighted by the Kochs-is used, a dollar is donated to their malevolent charities.
I love how the left accuses them of buying elections. The only people trying to buy elections are Democrats who are promising people some of your money
1) Soros
2) Money
3) World government
4) ?
5) Unicorns
Is it true that if you’re bitten by a Koch brother that you turn into a capitalist at the next full moon?
Why is George Soros’ support of liberals OK but the Koch Brothers’ support of conservatives is evil? Shut up, that’s why!
~ Liberal Retort #459
As someone who lives in the same community as the Koch brothers and has for the last 20+ years I can tell you that they run their business ethically, give back to the community and are down to earth nice people. Just as they’ve been for the last 20+ years. They have always leaned libertarian, always. They gave money to projects and folks they believed in, nothing has changed except the perception of the media. Distortions, lies and misrepresentations from the local outlets to the national ones, does this surprise anyone. It shouldn’t.
Uh oh…The Koch Brothers have Seanmahair surrounded. Bombarded by sacks of money with big dollar signs on the side and brimming with capitalistic eeeee-vill-it-tee.
Darn you, Koch Brothers with your fraternal financial enticements, ethicality and nougaty personal goodness!
Koch brothers. Davids against Goliath.
And that’s a positive thing.
Okay, back to the meme. The Koch brothers are so Eeeeevil that regular evil bows in their presence and becomes more evil, even when they don’t want to and they feel really bad about it too. But resistance is futile, especially when they are together and have the power of Two!
Do the Koch brothers have rings that they can touch together, allowing them to transform?