The Republican National Convention starts tomorrow! Are you excited? Yeah, I’m not really that excited. Still, it’s Romney’s big chance to really introduce himself to the country. And Ryan will hopefully get to wow everyone. And Chris Christie will hopefully yell at people. Charlie Crist — the tall Oompa-Loompa — won’t be speaking there, though, as the DNC got him — they’re more the home to people who care for nothing other than political ambition.

Yeah, the Democratic National Convention goes second and has a chance of upstaging the Republicans, but I’m not sure how. Is there anything more tiresome than the thought of Obama giving another speech? I mean, the one Biden gives might be some comic relief, but they’ll force him to stay on script and it will probably just be boring. But they have fake-Indian Elizabeth Warren! Won’t American respond to yet another rich person whining about rich people? And then there is the dynamically unlikable Sandra Fluke taking on our nations greatest problem: how annoying it is to go to Walgreens and buy your own birth control. Plus I hear at the end of the DNC, they’re going to execute a baby live to show their extreme allegiance to abortion.

The Democrats are out of ideas, and they don’t seem anywhere close to getting some any time soon. So if the GOP can be positive and upbeat and show they have the direction for the party, they’ll win over Americans and the DNC will just look stupid and gloomy in comparison.

Plus don’t forget to keep mentioning how the economy is bad and the Democrats were in charge for the past four years. That’s kind of an important point.