It’s not enough that Romney just point out how awful Obama is… well, I guess it probably should be, since scientifically improbably to elect a worse president than Obama, but anyway, Romney needs to make so proposals of his own to inspire the American people to a better tomorrow. Here are my suggestions that should really get his campaign moving.
PROPOSALS ROMNEY SHOULD MAKE TO GENERATE CAMPAIGN ENTHUSIASM
* Reduce the average size of spiders by hunting down and making extinct whatever the largest species of spider is.
* Start a new super soldier program where we task our scientists to giving a man all the powers of Aquaman.
* Vow to defeat all other world leaders in fisticuffs.
* Each year the budget isn’t balanced, a random member of Congress gets brutally murdered.
* Invade and defeat our arch-nemesis Guam, finally putting those evil Guamians in their place.
* New law of land: Wednesday will for hence forth be known as “Nacho Day.”
* To temper the rise of vacuum cleaner robots, new three laws of robotics that all robots must be programmed to obey:
1) A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2) Unless the human is a Communist, because all robots must hate Communism.
3) A robot must do the robot dance when commanded, even if this violates the First Law.
* New hobo tax. No more freeloading hobos!
* Create a new national dance and make a video of it that will go even more viral than Gangnam Style.
* Move headquarters of the president from the White House to a hollowed out volcano.
Know what? Forget these for Romney. They’re all now proposals for my presidential campaign in 2016.
“Each year the budget isn’t balanced, a random member of Congress gets brutally murdered.”
Oh, I don’t know. How about each year a budget is not submitted on time, all of Congress is taken out and shot?
You’re just a damn hobophobe, I hope you realize that.
We can still take them all out, but one is dismembered by badgers while the rest are just shot. Then all the bodies are fed to pigs.
* In order to reduce the number of Congressmen that Ogrrre would have shot, all Congressmen must wear Frank’s special pain collars.
Instead of an outright “invasion” of Guam, we can just send a bunch of soldiers to stand on one side of the island to tip it over.
Each year the budget isn’t balanced, a random member of Congress gets brutally murdered.
Make that each day and include a lawyer to be murdered and you can count on my support.
Out: Obama-Phone
In: Romney-Tuna
“Each year the budget isn’t balanced, a random member of Congress gets brutally murdered.”
Before I voice my support for this plan, I’d just like a little more clarity on exactly what is meant by “brutally”. Could you elaborate on that part?
The most frightening proposal, which I strongly oppose:
If you do that recursively, we’ll be out of spiders pretty quickly, then we be up to our elbows in all the insects that spiders eat. That’s because spiders are predators, and each one eats a thousand little bugs, so there aren’t so many spiders as, say, earwigs.[1]
But if he just wants to get rid of the one bigest, like those camel spiders[2], I say go for it!
1. Imagine wading through earwigs up to your elbows. Remember, they won’t say at elbow level very long before they skitter up your arm and into your ear. Those things are like the zombies of the insect kingdom. (Ugh. Shiver.)
2. Objects appear larger when covering your face when you wake up.
You’d get to a balanced budget a lot quicker if a few Congress people were Specifically Targeted instead of just randomly murdered. Just sayin’…
…. giving a man all the powers of Aquaman.
Ha! Aside from fertilizing fish eggs, what are all these ‘powers’ of Aquaman?