Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
…the free built in NSA wiretap app.
…they are so ubiquitous that the homeless can used them as bricks to build small shelters.
The wookie wallpaper…
The NSA will take and forward your messages to you if you missed a call.
…the volume goes all the way to eleven.
…even libertarian thieves aren’t interested in taking them.
Can you hear me now?
…because of the phones a lot of liberals will waste their vote next election… too dumb to stop voting for Obama.
…is they allow gang members to better communicate to keep inner cities safe.
…is poor parents can keep better tabs on their kids at the local drug dealer… “You’re paying too much!”
…is the “I Heart Obama” screen background.
… is that it’s pronounced the same, but has a different meaning. Wait — that’s a homophone. Well.
… Flip-up teleprompter.
…is that they are so dope!
… is that 3 a.m. calls are blocked.
the ringtone of Obama singing Al Green
…is that Siri’ has been replaced with a demographically-correct, irate black women.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
…the IRS can finally track all that donated money the bums collect.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
…I paid for it but I don’t have to answer it.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
…the built in Self-Destruct device. Hehehehehe.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
…no cats were injured during it’s production.
…the built in GPS is linked directly to the NSA drones.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
…it comes with a lifetime plan for free healthcare!
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
they are made right here in China.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
They come in a Spanish language version.
…is that it comes preloaded with a selection of Obama speeches.
you can call your pimp, your drug dealer and your bookie – all for free!
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
it marks you as the Hipster you are.
. . . is that it already has the telephone numbers for Chuck Hagel, John Kerry, Eric Holder, and Valerie Jarrett in its speed-dial list.
. . . is that you didn’t build it.
. . . is that you’ll never feel lonely, because somebody is always listening to you.
…the built in drone homing device.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
it easily converts into the drug of your choice.
. . . is that you don’t have to dial the phone; the phone dials you.
… the Chinese made it and the NSA monitors it. So, you get free 3-way calling no matter who you dial.
…it is easily upgradeable to Google Glass. WooHoo! you are not only being spied on, you are aiding in the spying on others.
…is that it spontaneously plays a rendition of “Hail To The Chief” and then vibrates itself out of battery power sending a tingle down your leg.
…it comes with an app that lets you vote Democrat as many times as you want
…it automatically enrolls you in every government handout program in existence
…you can get one for every one of your children and their baby daddys so they can stay in touch
…comes with an app that allows you to report conservative activity
…the back of every phone is a “gun free zone” sign
…daily liberal talking points are conveniently inserted into all your apps as banner ads so you can learn them quicker
…every phone doubles as a warrantless listening device/camera that can be switched on by any Party member if they got a “darn good reason”
…they’re easier to track than regular consumer phones…oh did you mean good for the user or good for the government?
…the 30 lb EULA can be used for strength training for Michelle’s “Let’s Move” program
…it automatically warns you when you’re about to stray from Party ideals
…it conveniently blocks calls from HR departments so you can keep your gubmint check.
…in order to comply with NSA snooping requirements it produces radio signals so strong the phone can be used to cause abortions
…the little empty chamber at the bottom can be used to smoke both for pot AND crack!
…is that it plays a special version of “Angry Birds” called “Angry Republicans.”
…is that it comes with free support from a call center full of heavy-set black women who answer your call with “We got Obamaphone! Obama gave us a phone, chuknow?”
…sites like IMAO, Drudge Report, The People’s Cube, and Fox News are conveniently blocked
…it’s a basic human right
… is the “free” White House announcements daily.
…it sends everyone you call a text showing exactly how much they paid for your call.
…is that if you meet someone who has one, you can automatically cross them off your list of potential new friends.
…is that it comes with a free version of Microsoft “Bob” (but with heavy DRM and it must call home every 24 hours or you can’t use it.)
…all of it’s users have tax exempt status….because you can’t tax zero income.
…you will NEVER be awarded a cookie by Anonymiss if you submit your punchline of the day from one.
…when you’re asleep there’s a good chance you’ll be woken by the booming voice of
ObamaGod.“Citizen! This is God.”
“What?”
“This is God. You will do as you’re told!….and stop touching yourself!”
“It IS God!!!”
…is that since the ‘owners’ are dumb as a bag of hammers they have a tendancy to walk in front of traffic while using the phone and thus remove their defective DNA from the gene pool.
…are the pre-installed Internet shortcuts:
– crackdealerfinder.com
– votebluejackass.gov
– section8.org
– bushsfault.net
– imaosucks.us
– barneyfrankfriendfinder.com
– kennedydrivingschool.info
– kennedydrinkingschool.gov
– feinsteinfreefacials.net
– marcorubioisoursecretfriend.com
– howtonotdosh1tandbecomepresident.ebook.com
…is that it reads and stores all the new, RFID credit cards. How convenient!
…each one comes with an armed drone to follow your every move.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
it doubles as a Wookie Nook!
…is how it always manages to anticipate your every move…as if it was always watching you.
…is that it was sold to Congress as a means for low income people to have access to a phone so they can accept phone calls about potential jobs (HAH!)
…Carlos Slim makes billions by charging the government 3x as much as he would be able to if he had to charge market rate.
Best thing about the Obamafone is the exchange rate: 1 OFone = 1 pair of shoes, 1 lid of grass or 3 votes for your favorite democrat
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
it’s going to be the only phone you will ever need citizen. EVER.
is how the eyes watch you as you move about the room.
The best thing about an Obamaphone…
the automatic teleconferencing in of the nsa.
…it actually works some of the time, unlike the people who own them.
…it’s not a Bidenphone. Those only call Sesame Street characters.
…Obama knows you’re glad to see him, even when it’s not in your pocket.
…you can shout your conversations to people who haven’t even gotten out of bed, wherever and especially whenever you want to. Did I emphasize enough how loudly and constantly you can talk on the phone in public places? You can do that.
The WebObamacareMD app allows you to speak live with your death panel agent.
Is it’s FREE! Duh!
You can trade it for heroin!
It’s easier to ‘fence’ than TVs and car parts.
it has 444 recorded excuses for anything that can possibly go wrong
Did somebody refer to “a lid of grass”?? That’s some way back time machine stuff right der…
Now Im trying to remember exactly how much a lid was in weight and dollars…
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