I have this device I invented that explodes young, female horses. It’s called a “Filly Buster.”
That’s 100 proof political humor right there, folks.
Really not looking forward to 2017 as the next president is going to be such a huge disappoint after how awesome Obama has been.
I love how Microsoft keeps updating IE so it no longer works with any web pages. And why am I even using IE?
I’m working on my new compassionate conservative messaging to appeal to the poor: “You’re not going to starve, so stop being so whiny.”
Harry Reid looks like he took a small sip from a fake holy grail.
The great thing about seeing Harry Reid speak is at least you can be certain that at this moment he is not molesting children.
Harry Reid has just never gotten over how those kids and their dog exposed his scheme to haunt a house.
The new generation of Republican has no need for sleep and will be able to cut funding for food stamps 24/7.
“We have to pass the bill to find out what’s in it” sounds more like the sort of dangerous job for the Mythbusters instead of the country at large.
Guys feel loved when a woman makes them a sandwich. Even more so when it’s a sammich.
Since our household is gluten-free, sandwiches are a special treat since bread is expensive.
Do people really write screenplays in Starbucks? When I’m writing, even the smallest disturbance will break my train of thought.
So how are they going to fit the sandwich making into the speed dating?
I was never fooled by @Horse_ebooks because I noticed it doesn’t have a blue check mark.
I can’t remember how we wasted time before the internet. Did we just stare at the wall or something?
And when we tell kids how we had to watch shows at certain times and couldn’t pause them they’ll think we lived under Communism.
These sad panda jokes are the White House making light of sexual harassment. #WarOnWomen
My stories of what it took to look up random facts pre-internet will put those “had to walk 5 miles through snow to school” stories to shame.
Frist!
I still have my 1985 World Almanac that my cousin gave me when she moved out of her condo.
I showed my eldest how an atlas works the other day.
Before the internet, spam i.e. ‘chain letters’ came in the snail mail instead.
Before the internet, we shared witty jokes and pictures though the fax machine.
Before the internet, a friend requests sounded kinda gay. “Can I be your friend?”
Before the internet, when someone wanted to annoy you about what they had for breakfast, it was more effort on their part as they had to call you or find you in person.
B4 teh internet spelling and thoughts were more complete. Imho. Kthanxbye.
Filly Buster sounds like the name of a great sammich.
“I can’t remember how we wasted time before the internet. Did we just stare at the wall or something?”
We smoked and bowled and hunted furry creatures
“The great thing about seeing Harry Reid speak is at least you can be certain that at this moment he is not molesting children.”
Certain?
I can’t remember how we wasted time before the internet. Did we just stare at the wall or something?
We watched television; at least, all the other members of my family did (I was too busy being a nerd to watch television). According to my family, television was much better then, with quality shows like “My Mother, the Car”, “Lost in Space”, and “Welcome Back, Kotter”.
I can’t remember how we wasted time before the internet. Did we just stare at the wall or something?
Before the internet, it was solitaire on the PC. Before that, reading the newspaper and doing the crossword puzzle. Before that, smoking.
I remember these things.
Will your train of thought be derailed by a disturbance in the Force?
Send Frank some money so they can afford sammich bread.
A’fore’n tha interwebz there were Schwinn bikes with red plastic bananna seats, high-rise sissy-bars and higher handlebars to be ridden, with clothespinned playing cards clacking from back wheels, through neighborhoods from the afternoon until dark on the weekends…there were sandlot baseball games…Boy Scout meetings… record shops to be riffed through for vynil or posters… local burger joints to hit…neighborhood movie joints showing Planet of The Apes or The Living Brain…high school car clubs where the wrenchers and rodders would show off their vintage muscle cars (what’s to show off now, a Prius??). Pre-digital T.V., with the UHF and VHF bands, was always good for a Spaghetti-Western or Bond movie on the ABC Movie of the Week.
I remember a time when, as a bachelor, I didn’t own a TV or a phone, gas was $0.18 / gallon and I used to drive 40 miles on the new freeway with my foot on the floor of my VW bug with a top sustained speed of about 75. Oh, and chocolate shakes were $0.20 and cheeseburgers were the same as a gallon of gas. Those were good times.
That was back when real men wore hats. Hats and coats with big collars, worn to do manly things like buy dirty magazines and maybe other stuff that was probably just made up like being a P.I. Back when the legal limit for DUI was one person, two cars or eight mailboxes.
Although it seems counter-intuitive, I am in much better physical shape now than I was ‘back in the day’. I can remember when it took me four trips to bring twenty dollars worth of groceries in from the car. Now, I can do 40 dollars worth in one trip.
“Back in my day” is a time when you still had measurable testosterone, or, estrogen if you’re a member of that species…
Harry Reid — a galvanized corpse with a voice like the bottom of a tomb. Casper the Smarmy Ghost.
At least John Kerry is no longer saying, “We have to send a bomber-load of munitions over Syria before you can find out what’s in it.”
“Harry Reid has just never gotten over how those kids and their dog exposed his scheme to haunt a house.”
That reminds me of a movie I saw not too long ago (I can’t remember the name), where one guy insults another guy by asking, “What would you charge to haunt a house?” And the guy responds, “How many rooms?”
I liked the way he rolled with the question.