Wendy Davis needs a man like a fish needs a rich bicycle that will pay its way through fish law school and take full custody of its spawn.

— jon gabriel (@exjon) January 21, 2014

Hired Wendy Davis PR firm to redo my bio. Turns out I was orphaned. Then reform school, migrant worker. Very inspiring.

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) January 21, 2014

deep inside every single one us is a noise reserved purely for when you almost hit yourself in the face with an iPad

— k e e t (@KeetPotato) January 21, 2014

Seems like J.D. Power should've bumped one of his Associates up to partner by now.

— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) January 21, 2014

Greed, in the mouth of a politician, always means "wanting to keep your own money"; it never means "wanting to be given someone else's".

— Daniel Hannan (@DanHannanMEP) January 21, 2014

I WAS LEGALLY DEAD FOR 30 MIN & SAW HEAVEN sir, you were taking a nap in the radioshack bathro— HEAVEN LOOKS LIKE THE BATHROOM AT RADIOSHACK

— Mike Rosenthal (@VectorBelly) January 21, 2014

REVIEW Twister (1996) ⭐️⭐️ Enjoyable but not at all faithful to the source material. A tornado? How random. Clue was much better.

— The Ruffalo Shuffle (@RuffaloShuffle) January 22, 2014