(AP) – Frustrated with the Texas federal judge’s injunction against President Obama’s executive action regarding undocumented Americans, Representative Keith Ellison has devised a new plan for dealing with these newly disenfranchised, nearly-documented citizens. At a press conference this morning, Representative Ellison had the following to say about his plan:

“The solution really struck me when I saw Anjem Choudary discussing his views on MSNBC. Did you know that the full implementation of Sharia includes free housing, food, clothing and, yes, even free health care for all? Under Sharia, these things are not just a policy choice but an obligation under Allah’s law. I thought, wow, this sounds just like the American dream. This sounds exactly like what the undocumented Americans came to this country looking for. But where can they get such a thing? Sharia can only be fully implemented under a caliphate, and there is only place where a caliphate currently exists: ISIS. Rather than giving these undocumented Americans a one-way ticket back to Mexico, let’s give them a one-way ticket to Syria. They are already accustomed to dodging bullets in the desert and the beheading of people by drug cartels, so it will be just like home with benefits. They don’t even have to convert to Islam, just submit to ISIS and pay a small jizya submission tax. ISIS wants recruits to share Sharia. We have people waiting unfortunately in limbo yearning for the American dream offered by Sharia. It’s a win-win, really.”

Rand Paul had this to say about Ellison’s approach: “Normally, I would be opposed to government spending on positive externalities, but in this case, I don’t think the plan goes far enough. Since ISIS appears to be a progressive paradise, I’d be willing to pay to send all progressives there so they can live their dream.  They hate America, they love freedom fighters, and they love taxes, so the jizya might actually be something they enjoy. On top of that, their words and actions and policy recommendations indicate that most of them have de facto submitted to the muslim religion already, so what are they waiting for? I’d even be willing to foot the bill to issue them all brand new US passports they can burn when they get to their new home.”

Representative Steve King, however, was troubled by Ellison’s proposal. He had this to say: “I still think it is more economically feasible to grant fast track citizenship to undocumented conquistadors and let them sort it out.”