31 Comments

  19. … Al Sharpton-Facebook.

    Facebook paid no taxes despite record profits
    February 16, 2013 | Fox News

    Despite earning more than $1 billion in profits last year, social media juggernaut Facebook paid zilch when it came to federal and state taxes in 2012. In fact, the website will actually be getting a refund totaling $429 million thanks to a tax reduction for executive stock options. In the coming years, Facebook will continue to get monster tax breaks, totaling about $3 billion.

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  23. – just a poor boy, though my story’s seldom told.

    – sitting in a railway station; got a ticket for my destination.

    – a loser, a loser; and I’m not what I appear to be.

    – singin’ in the rain.

    (as I begin my Clockwork Orange / Occupy Wall Street tap-dance)

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  24. … a mouse:

    Interviewer: And what was your reaction to this?

    Confessor: Well I was shocked. But, er… gradually I came to feel that I was more at ease… with other mice.

    Linkman: (Michael Palin:) A typical case, whom we shall refer to as Mr A, although his real name is this:

    Voice Over: (John Cleese)(and CAPTION)
    ARTHUR JACKSON
    32A MILTON AVENUE,
    HOUNSLOW, MIDDLESEX.

    Linkman: What is it that attracts someone like Mr. A to this way of life? I have with me a consultant psychiatrist.

    (The camera pulls back to reveal the psychiatrist who places in front of himself a notice saying ‘The Amazing Kargol And Janet’.)

    Kargol: Well, we’ve just heard a typical case history. I myself have over seven hundred similar histories, all fully documented. Would you care to choose one?

    Janet (Carol), dressed in a showgirl’s outfit, enters and offers linkman the case histories fanned out like cards, with one more prominent than the others; he picks it out.

    Kargol: (without looking) Mr Arthur Aldridge of Leamington.

    Linkman: Well, that’s amazing, amazing. Thank you, Janet. (Chord. Janet postures and exits)
    Kargol, speaking as a psychiatrist as opposed to a conjuror…

    Kargol: (disappointed) Oh…

    Linkman: …what makes certain men want to be mice?

    Kargol: Well, we psychiatrist have found that over 8% of the population will always be mice, I mean, after all, there’s something of the mouse in all of us. I mean, how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another he hasn’t felt sexually attracted to mice. (linkman looks puzzled) I know I have. I mean, most normal adolescents go through a stage of squeaking two or three times a day. Most youngsters on the other hand, some youngsters are attracted to it by its very illegality. It’s like murder – make a thing illegal and it acquires a mystique. (linkman looks increasingly embarrassed) Look at arson – I mean, how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another he hasn’t set fire to some great public building? I know I have. (phone on desk rings; the linkman picks it up but does not answer it) The only way to bring the crime figures down is to reduce the number of offenses – get it out in the open – I know I have.

    Linkman: The Amazing Kargol And Janet. What a lot of people don’t realize is that a mouse, once accepted, can fulfill a very useful role in society. Indeed there are examples throughout history of famous men now known to have been mice.

    (Cut to Julius Caesar on beach. He shouts ‘Veni Vidi, Vici’. Then he adds a furtive squeak. Napoleon pulls slice of cheese out of jacket and bites into it. Cut to Linkman)

    Linkman: And, of course, Hillaire Belloc. But what is the attitude…

    (Cut to man in a Viking helmet.)

    Viking: (Eric Idle) “…of the man in the street towards…”

    Linkman: …this growing social problem?

    (Vox pops films.)

    Window Cleaner: (Eric Idle) Clamp down on them.

    Off-screen Voice: How?

    Window Cleaner: I’d strangle them.

    Stockbroker: (John Cleese) Well speaking as a member of the Stock Exchange I would suck their brains out with a straw, sell the widows and orphans and go into South American Zinc.

    Man: (Terry Jones) Yeh I’d, er, stuff sparrows down their throats, er, until the beaks stuck out through the stomach walls.

    Accountant: (Graham Chapman) Oh well I’m a chartered accountant, and consequently too boring to be of interest.

    Vicar: (John Cleese) I feel that these poor unfortunate people should be free to live the lives of their own choice.

    Porter: (Terry Jones) I’d split their nostrils open with a boat hook, I think.

    2nd Man: (Graham Chapman) Well I mean, they can’t help it, can they? But, er, there’s nothing you can do about it. So er, I’d kill ’em.

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  25. The latest trend: “self-identifying” as…”

    an Oscar Mayer Weiner…

    I’m a man
    I spell M-A-N, man…

    the color blue.

    a Methodist!

    a [Shakes magic 8 ball]…

    Death, the destroyer of worlds.

    a Monkee, most likely Davy.

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