The White House Press Secretary has announced Obama’s big plans for his final Independence Day in office. He has a busy day ahead of him to fill this itenerary:
- Rewrite the Declaration of Independence after his own image by executive order
- Enjoy a climate-friendly, non-GMO, vegan soy dog barely warmed on his solar-powered grill
- Sneak into the idling Air Force One and enjoy a rack of climate-hating, smoked Rottweiler ribs
- See how many lit firecrackers Joe can fit in his mouth and other orifices at once (It’s ok because Obamacare)
- Host a DC public school competition to see which grade school student can name the capitals of all 57 states the fastest
- Formally announce that his administration is declaring its independence from the Constitution
- Celebrate the end of Ramadan
- Judge the official White House cooking contest: How to Serve Lame Duck
- Dress up like Beyonce for the White House transgender pageant
- Perform the ribbon cutting for Planned Parenthood’s new in-clinic eatery, The Parts is Parts Café
- Convince a drunken Loretta Lynch to combine the No Fly List with his Enemy List and the List of Registered Republicans
- Recklessly taunt the aliens confined in Area 51
- Defeat ISIS by videotaping his and Loretta Lynch’s karaoke medley of I Got You Babe, Summer Lovin’, and Endless Love and text it to Al-Baghdadi
- Rack up a $25 million cost for his gala, payable by the US taxpayer
“Recklessly taunt the aliens confined in Area 51” That Obama hasn’t revealed there are aliens and it’s America’s fault their spaceship crashed should put to bed any idea anything of ET origin was ever out there.
We can all trust Hillary! to get that information out there. She will spare no expense in exposing everything the Air Force has on UFO’s