Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
A new football league will start up next year. Among its exciting features…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
A new football league will start up next year. Among its exciting features…
…are mandatory explosive kneepads which activate at the playing of The National Anthem.
…swords. Lots of swords.
… and each quarterback is allowed one Indiana Jones play per quarter.
…teams have to pay for instant replays…
A team losing a challenge is also penalized 5 yards for delay of game.
Referees have to disclose before the game who they bet on.
After the game, there is a 5 “you know” limit on each interviewee.
…there is no doubt what a catch is…
Top optional cheerleaders.
Well I generally prefer my good looking women with heads on their shoulders.
…Hookers & blow.
I would assume we are looking for “NEW” features…
Each team gets five 30 second time outs, and the networks can still amazingly fit a dozen beer commercials into each one.
… average guys will get to play; starting with Regression To The Mean Joe Green (plays for the Refrigerator Raiders).
… O.J. Simpson is running back. And forth. With a knife.
… devious marching band involved in Die Fledermausgate.
…. stadium owner doesn’t see any reason to host football games and monster truck rallies at different times. Twice the audience!
is that all half-time shows include human sacrifices.
is the absence of Chris Collinsworth.
is that all players must have been convicted of felonies, instead of only 70%, as things are now.
is that any team that wins the league championship is required to hire Matt Millen as its general manager.
“human sacrifices”
And then there’s Faustball.
absence of Collinsworth….. and I’d pay good money for that.
…just as RSTLNE are not available in Wheel of Fortune, the following quotes will not be available for use:
-It was a team effort
-we take it one game at a time
-we left it all out on the field
-we’ve got to make some adjustments
-we’ve got to maintain our composure
-we didn’t get the job done
-the best team won today
..,
… and they came here to play.
.. all-Democrat teams vs. all-Republican teams.
Democrats: “But we had more yardage overall, even if we had fewer touchdowns. We should be awarded the trophy!! Waah!”
“Wait! We were planning our big comeback for the third half!”
… no one will know who won the Heisenberg Trophy or where it is at the same time.
… politically incorrect team names and mascots.
The Yosemite Sams
The Dallas School Book Depositories
The Chicago Typewriters
The Scarsdale Diet Doctors
A new football league will start up next year. Among its exciting features…
Random sniper fire.
“Serpentine out for the opposing team.”
If you can dodge a bullet you can dodge a tackle.
It can be the AFAA!
A new football league will start up next year. Among its exciting features…
no safety equipment.
A new football league will start up next year. Among its exciting features…
Aliens, you know it has to be Aliens.
A new football league will start up next year. Among its exciting features…
coaches must also play at least 50% of the downs.
A new football league will start up next year. Among its exciting features…
bacon instead of a pigskin.
…. players can Brady Act members of the opposite team to force them to marry supermodels.
Live audio feed from the review booth over the stadium loudspeakers.
Referees will wear pink knit ‘Hello Kitty’ hats.
It’ll have crying
The double secret probation penalty
Gender based designations so you can tell tight-ends from wide-receivers, and defense ends from scatbacks.
…is two teams enter…one team leaves…
… flash-bangs replace flags. Wild Weasels replace whistles.
… rebranded as The Hunger Games: “Win one for the kipper!”
A new football league will start up next year. Among its exciting features…
True “racial equality” which the liberals keep saying they support. The player ethnicity breakdown for each team is as follows:
White 61.3%
Hispanic 17.8%
Black 13.3%
Asian 5.9%
Native American 1.3%
Other 0.4%
Don’t forget 51% women and 5% gay/lesbian. What’s the current US % for differently abled?
Bowling balls, chainsaws, and Llamas
…the coach has to wear the same uniform as the players.
…each team must chug a beer upon scoring. Each penalty the offender must do a shot of Jagermeister. During the fourth quarter, each team member must to a keg stand prior to taking the field. Team with the highest average B.A.C. at the end of the game wins.
A new football league will start up next year. Among its exciting features…
they’ll baseball.
“play” Shades of Elvis I can’t even read what I type.
… the huff-time show.
… players must serve out their contracts and sentences concurrently.
… robotic players with interchangeable parts. You can literally take a knee!
…no running, but skipping is allowed.
…when a player with the ball is touched he will fall down and writhe on the ground seeking to score sympathy points.
…shotgun formation uses a real shotgun but used only to get the punter and kicker to marry.
…whistle doesn’t blow until dancing scorer is dismembered.
they won’t actually play but have the game decided by the popular vote.