Trump caught red-handed spelling his name with a Hitletter
“Lest anyone call me a hypocrite, let me answer the obvious question: Do I use letters? Yes, sometimes I do. I’m not proud of it. Sometimes my words use letters from the alphabet of English slave traders. I am ashamed, and I owe apologies, reparations, and penance for my misdeeds.” At this point, Buttigieg paused his speech momentarily to flog himself with something that was either a miniature cat-o’-nine-tails or a novelty oversized false eyelash. “Forgive me. I have sinned against you.”
Throwing the flogging device over his shoulder, Buttigieg continued.
“But Trump uses the German alphabet. All 30 letters of it. Every single day. In all his communications. You don’t have to be a dog to hear a dog-whistle when he’s blowing it right in your face. ‘But what about umlauts?’ you say. ‘I’ve never seen him use umlauts. Don’t Germans use umlauts?’ Of COURSE Trump uses umlauts… IN HIS MIND! You look into his crazed, white nationalist eyes, you can tell – you can just TELL – that he’s thinking in umlauts. If the keyboard on his phone had umlauts, he would tweet with them. He would sign his name Trümp. That’s probably how he signed every single bill he’s made into law – with his Nazi alphabet name!”
“And pickles!” shouted Buttigieg, losing all composure and running his fingers though his hair like Dennis Miller high on an SNL Rant monologue. “Hitler was very fond of pickles! Never ate a hamburger without one on the side! True story. And Trump likes pickles! Pants – one leg at a time – just like Hitler! He’s got a postage stamp mustache, too, but he dyes it orange so it blends with his face and the cameras don’t pick it up. But if you see him in person… Boom! There it is! Hitstache!”
“Anyway, vote for me. I never use umlauts, and I shave.”
[IMAO Ace Reporter Oppo contributed to this article]
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Actually, Hitler probably used the old fashioned German font known as Fraktur, like this:? ? ? ? ? ? ? .
Of course, Trump probably uses Fraktur when he sends his tweets, but Twitter converts them into the Latin alphabet.
This is late. You cannot write fast enough to keep up with the actual madness being spewed by these trolls.
Would have been better had it been posted on August 8th.
How come no one ever compares Trump to Stalin?? How come Hitler always gets top billing? Stalin was just as cunning, ruthless, vindictive and blood thirsty as Hitler…plus Stalin was on the winning side! Had a cooler moustache too.
All the liberals want to be Stalin Comrade, all of them.
Is Trump eating hamburgers a cover for his being literally Hitler since Hitler was a vegetarian?
Has the whole world gone nuts? Butt gig is crazy. I have never seen in my 83 years such a barzzar foolish statement. Is this a joke?
I like pickles too, most of my friends do too.
Let see…
Probably
Yes
To answer your questions.
The TDS filled left-tards are desperate. They are throwing any and every thing at Trump hoping that something will stick, but Trump is made of teflon.
Two words, satire site.
Just like the rest of the DemocRATic candidates, with maybe the exception of Gabbard, he is a moron.
I wrote this, and it’s completely made up from top to bottom, yet somehow it’s still less crazy than assertions made by serious, legitimate Democratic candidates in the last week.
AHA! My suspicions are confirmed. Harvey is a Democrat speech writer! J’accuse!
Harvey: Not only a great piece of work, but you also stole my comment to it. It must be terribly difficult to write a satire/humor piece when the Dems go so far out-there on their own.
Heh… I do try to leave things for other people to say, but sometimes I get carried away…
The weird thing is, I try to weave obvious satire-giveaway lines into these pieces… somehow, it’s not always enough…
Try to post a real story every once and a while to keep us on our toes.
Actually, ä, ö, ü, and ß are merely a shorter way of writing æ, œ, ue, sz and tz, so don’t really count as different letters. Also, when Hitler wrote in longhand, he used either the 19th Century or Sütterlin form of cursive letters. Fraktur is a print or calligraphy font very similar to Old English and other Gothic alphabets.
True.
However, less funny.
Hooray for artistic license!