Archive of entries posted on 19th August 2019

Trump Truths: Registration

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To placate the Democrats, President Trump has agreed to require that all guns in America be registered. The registration process will consist of the owner writing down his name on a form along with a list of every gun owned, by serial number. The form is then filed by dousing it with gasoline and igniting it.

Why Earn Authority When You Can Simply Assume Its Mantle?

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[High Praise! to John Sexton of Hot Air]

“As [AOC has] already said, anyone who denies [their own racism] simply hasn’t been educated enough. And therein lies what I believe is the real reason AOC and others who adopt this viewpoint have done so: They see themselves as the teachers, which necessarily puts them in charge. If you follow AOC on Twitter you may have noticed that she only has two modes: Accusing and teaching. In fact, her social media motto seems to always be teaching. She is never the learner and that’s true even when she clearly doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

CNN’s Cuomo: “Is ‘Hello’ the Right’s New Racist Dog Whistle?”

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“Also, I don’t like it when old people put an orange peel in their mouths and make scary-hands, either”

NEW YORK (AP) – In a hard-hitting, deeply-research, exclusive – and objective – report, CNN anchor Chris Cuomo examined some of the “hidden code words” and “racist dog whistles” that bigoted white people – who aren’t him – use to signal other bigoted white people that it’s safe to speak bigotly around them. Among other terms, Cuomo singled out the word “hello” as an obvious racist dog whistle.

“Racists always give themselves away,” said Cuomo. “And when you watch white people – not me, but, you know, the racist ones – they’ll give you clues about how they feel about guys with pre-fab tans. You know what’s a big giveaway? The word ‘hello’. Normal people say ‘hey’ or ‘sup’ or ‘yo’ or something like that. Know who says ‘hello’? Super racist white people. That’s all. Nobody else. I mean SUPER white. Like they’re Aunt Bea answering a telephone where you put one part up to your ear while you speak into a cone. And I’m pretty sure there weren’t any people of color in Mayberry. I’ll let you do the math on that.”

“But these super racist Aunt Bea types,” Cuomo said “they never actually say anything prejudiced to your face. They use code words. You practically gotta use an Enigma machine on these guys. But I’m smart, see? I know the code. They’ll say things like ‘inner city’ or ‘illegal immigrant’ or ‘constitution’ or ‘Chicago’ or ‘golf’. Or, you know, ‘hello’. Dead giveaways.”

“Now,” continued Cuomo, “normal non-racist people – like me – maybe I call somebody a name or something if I get mad. Maybe threaten to mess him up and push him down some stairs, but I ain’t gonna rip on his skin color. Maybe I drop f-bombs at him like I’m strafing the Taliban, and maybe my 9-year-old daughter is in earshot drinking this all in, but skin color is. Off. Limits. I got decency. I got standards. I got class.”

“I don’t care what color a mook’s skin is,” Cuomo concluded. “He looks at me cross-eyed, I’ll mess him up. And heaven help anyone who tries calling me the name of a minor character from a 70’s blockbuster movie. That’s like the N-word to Italians. I had some dirty punk call me Greedo once. I punched him in the face. Security camera footage says he punched me first, so it was totally self-defense.”

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< Wizard of Oz to Get Woke, Progressive, Live-Action Remake

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