WASHINGTON, DC (AP) – While the momentum continues for people to sign up for a satirical event to “Storm Area 51” and discover all the alien technology that the government’s been hiding, a new project is gathering signers even faster. It’s an apparently-serious project to gather thousands of interested participants to “storm DNC Headquarters” with the goal of discovering a secret, hidden, Democrat candidate for president in 2020 who isn’t a raving socialist nutball.

The organizer of the project is Michael Brady, a freelance architect located in Modesto, CA, who says he just wants “a little sanity back” in his life.

“I’ve voted Democrat my whole life, but I’m not, like, a party member or anything,” said Brady. “I just want things to be fair and equal. Good jobs, affordable college, good health care, good roads… reasonable stuff. But I listen to the Democrat debates and it’s like they’re a bunch of lunatics from another planet. Impeach the President! Ban guns! Medicare for All! Look, I’m not a news junkie, but you only have to read a couple stories from Venezuela to know socialism’s a bad idea. All I want is a government that has programs to help people who are down on their luck. I don’t want a government that makes good luck illegal.”

“But that’s all the Democrats are offering so far this year,” Brady said, “so I figured there must be some kind of conspiracy. Why would they offer 20 Che Gueveras unless they had a John Kennedy waiting in the wings as a surprise? Well, I got sick and tired of waiting around for him to come out, so I decided to go to DNC HQ and find where they were hiding him. Turns out that when you bust into their building screaming obscenities, burly guys with guns march you out. Which is weird, because the building is clearly marked as a gun-free zone.”

“Well,” continued Brady, “I may be spineless, but I’m determined. I know they’re hiding a sane candidate in their somewhere, and I’m going to find him. I figure if I get together a huge mob, we can storm the place and they won’t be able to stop us. I saw the ending of ‘Born in East L.A.‘. I know we’ll get our man!”

DNC Chair Tom Perez said he’d heard of the “Storm DNC HQ” project and said that people shouldn’t waste their time becoming involved in something that’s “obviously either a hoax or satire.”

“Look,” said Perez, “this is just a bad idea because there IS no ‘sane’ candidate. We emptied our clown cars on the last two debate stages. What you see is what you get, and if you come looking for anything else, what you’ll get is a long walk through a short park with a Clinton Foundation representative.”

“Oh, and by way of dispelling any rumors Brady may have started,” clarified Perez, “that tiny frozen corpse he saw was NOT an alien, it was Ross Perot. We might toss his hat in the ring to split the R-vote like in ’92 & ’96. Plurality for the Victory!”

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