Archive of entries posted on 2nd August 2019

Link of the Day: Me, I’m Still Looking for Battle Oliphants

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[High Praise! to Mental Floss]

How Thomas Jefferson’s Obsession With Mastodons Partly Fueled the Lewis and Clark Expedition

Oh, and a link for those – like me – who can’t tell a mammoth from a mastodon.

[title reference link]

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Trump Offers to Personally Pay for Rat Eradication in Baltimore If Elijah Cummings Will Resign From Congress

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“I had a bigger gavel, but it was stolen by a herd of rats.”

WASHINGTON DC (AP) – It’s a move that goes far beyond doubling down and might be better described as “pushing all his chips to the center of the table and daring his opponent to call”.

And, unlike at Obama’s table, this isn’t a bluff.

President Trump – tired of the same old political tapdancing and namecalling by media proxies – has issued a challenge to Democrat Congressman Elijah Cummings (D-MD), whose district includes most of the city of Baltimore. After Cummings objected to a Trump tweet referring to Baltimore as “a disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess,” – and after his media proxies used every available opportunity to, bizarrely, describe a tweet about rats as “racist” – President Trump said he would personally “out of my own pocket” pay for a broad-based rodent abatement plan for the entire city of Baltimore, but only if Congressman Cummings agreed to resign his position as Maryland’s 7th District Representative.

During a brief press conference, President Trump presented his offer, and well as some harshly provocative taunting that some described as “over the line” and “unbecoming the office of President”.

“How about it Eli? Can I call you Eli? How about Jah? How about socialist scumbag who feathered his own nest while his constituents in their government birdhouses got overrun by rats?” said Trump.

“For once in your life, Jah, do something for the people whose interests you took an oath to represent. Unlike everything else you’ve ever done in office, your resignation would actually help these people, because if you take me up on my offer, they will actually get the help they need. Who is more important to you – you, or your constituents? The offer is on the table. You have a choice to make. Do you have the guts to be a statesman – even though it doesn’t help you personally – or are you just another cowardly politician?”

“The whole world is watching, Jah, and the people of Baltimore await your reply.”

As of this writing, Rep. Cummings has yet to reply. But in Baltimore – with townhall meeting season fast approaching – tar, feather, and rail sales are noticeably brisk.

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