LONDON (AP) – Taking a “waste not, want not” approach to repurposing available content to accomplish its role as a global source of objective news for people who struggle to find sources of reliable information, the officials in charge of programming for the Voice of America radio network have announced that they will be using clips from the Democratic debates to stop the spread of socialism in foreign countries. The hope is that, by hearing the Democrat candidates in their own words, citizens in European nations will realize how dumb they sound when they praise socialism.

VOA Director John Sheridan expressed optimism about the new programming choice, saying that it may be Europe’s “last, best hope” for free markets and the peace that unrestrained international commerce brings.

“Europe,” said Sheridan, “has a socialism problem. But America is not only the land of the free, it’s also the land of innovative thinking about tough problems and coming up with clever, non-obvious solutions.”

“First, consider how America dealt with smoking. At one point, 25% of American adults smoked. Now it’s less than 10%. Know how we did that? The people of America got together and made it uncool. Smoking isn’t John Wayne and Marlboro Men and camels named Joe anymore. Now it’s that smelly guy huddling outside in the freezing cold.”

“We’re going to do the same thing with socialism,” Sheridan said. “Whenever you hear a Brit talking about socialism in that quaint, erudite-sounding accent of his, you automatically tell yourself, ‘My! He sounds so wise and clever! I will follow any advice he gives! Also, please tax my tea!’ However, research proves that – just as everything sounds smarter in a British accent – everything sounds dumber in an American accent. We’re hoping that playing clips of Democrats sounding like blithering idiots will penetrate the fog for our friends who still live on the continent that smart people have been leaving in droves for literally centuries.”

VOA test-listener Zack Allan said that hearing Americans praise socialism like a bunch of dim-witted sycophants was like “some bizarro-world Monty Python sketch – ‘The Ministry of Silly Economics’ or something.”

“It’s funny,” said Allan, “When I hear the National Health Service say I should consult a death panel before asking for medicine, it makes perfect sense. When I hear Elizabeth Warren wheezing on about ‘Medicare for All’ with her light but vaguely moronic-sounding BAH-stin accent, my skin crawls and I want to flee from socialism as fast as I can.”

Plans are already underway to produce more material by splicing together the speeches of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and combining them with AutoTune to create a cover of Moon Unit Zappa’s “Valley Girl,” although producers admit that it will be a “challenge” to eliminate enough of AOC’s “like” verbal tic to make the project viable.

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