Sunday Night Open Thread

In our on-going efforts to prevent clearly false information from being spread unchecked on the Internet, and thereby unduly interfering in our long-treasured system of Democratcy, Snoops.com, the self-annointed final arbiter on what is or is not truly true to The Truth™, has been given full access to this blatantly Truth™ offending blog by direct order of the Tribunal Unmoved by Right-wing Demands for Speech, or, TURDS!

We have assigned one of our ace fact-checkers, Frieda N. Trood, to monitor this site on a full-time basis to ensure its readers will no longer be fooled by the posting of clearly false or misleading stories under the guise of “satire” or “humor.” Since everyone knows that no one on the Right has any sense of humor that anyone who matters is aware of, we have taken it upon ourselves to clean up the Internet of attacks on The Truth™ using such flimsy excuses.

Ms. Trood will be free and unencumbered to post as she sees fit, fact-checking random items found on this site which she sees as a threat to Our Democratcy. Bloggers and commenters alike are duly warned that this site is now being closely monitored and anything you post here (or anywhere else on the Internet for that matter) can and will be used against you by TURDS to ban you from all further participation in Social Media. So there!

Repent and be miserable, all ye White Supremacist Cis-Gendered filth! We’re watching you!!!

AOC Offers Advice to New Legislators

Posted by Harvey on 25 August 2019, 1:00 pm

DO – Maintain a calm, controlled, professional demeanor whenever cameras are present. Protect your image and reputation!

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) – In an attempt to encourage “ordinary people” who want to try running for Congress in 2020, Democrat freshman Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez released a video on Instagram offering her “best advice” to those who are considering a career in politics, based on her experience. The video contained several pairs of “Do’s and Don’ts” to help the inexperienced navigate the troubled waters of a DC career:

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DON’T – let Republicans get away with any racist microaggressions.
DO – adopt an accent that’s more familiar to the audience your speaking with. For example, if you’re a southerner visiting New York, try honking out a little Bronx. Or, you know, vice versa

DON’T – be influenced by big corporate interests who try to buy your vote.
DO – Be loyal to your friends who fight for principled causes. Remind them of that loyalty when the ol’ war chest starts getting low. Technically, it’s not selling out if you like the people you’re selling out to.

DON’T – abandon your roots. Remember your story. Remember where you came from. Be proud of your poverty-mired struggle.
DO – look your best for any photoshoot. If your outfit wasn’t at least 4 figures, you’re not dressing to impress. You’re not in the ghetto anymore.

DON’T – let Big Oil crush this country under its carbony heel. Fight for renewables, wind, solar, mass transportation, and an end to plastic everything. Free the planet from energy oppression!
DO – get to those big campaign events on time – people hate being kept waiting! Call Uber & Lyft if you need a ride. Trust me. I lived, like, one minute from a subway stop, but you have to wait and wait and wait for those trains, and then you have to wait for every stop and start. Trust me, there’s a reason cities have roads.

DON’T – fall behind on the latest trends. Stay up to date, maintain your knowledge base.
DO – find out whether you have a monster or a garbage disposal in your sink. I can’t believe how much better I’m sleeping these days.

DON’T – stand still for social injustice. Go where people are being wronged and champion them.
DO – learn to cry on command, because sometimes all you have to cry about is that you can’t get close enough to your tragedy-props to get them in the picture. I keep an onion in my purse.

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< 10 All-Female Movie Remakes Coming in 2020

Rejected Straight Lines of the Day

Posted by Oppo on 25 August 2019, 12:00 pm

Straight Line of the Day: When Harvey Is On Vacation, Is Frank, Too?

Straight Line of the Day: When Harvey Is On Vacation, Is His Stuff Up For Grabs?

Straight Line of the Day: When Harvey Is On Vacation, Do Democrats Get More of a Breather Than He Does?

Straight Line of the Day: When Harvey Is On Vacation, Ginger or Mary Ann?

Straight Line of the Day: When Harvey Is On Vacation, Does He Carry Cash Or Just Say “Do You Know Who I Am?”

Straight Line of the Day: When Harvey Is On Vacation, Does He Carry? Is it American? Is it Expressed?

Straight Line of the Day: When Harvey Is On Vacation, What’s the Deal With the Black Socks and Sandals?

Straight Line of the Day: When Harvey Is On Vacation, Will He Try Not To Repeat “That Notre Dame Fiasco”?

Straight Line of the Day: When Harvey Is On Vacation, Will Trump Hold Off On Doing Anything Funny?

Straight Line of the Day: When Harvey Is On Vacation, Will He Let Some Other Kids Try The Rides?

Here’s Looking At Euclid

Posted by Oppo on 25 August 2019, 10:00 am

Our educational system seems to have gone from teaching Geometry to “Gee, I’m a tree!”

Schools Chief Richard Carranza ‘Surprised’ NYC Isn’t All Liberal
NY Post | April 8, 2019

New York may be one of the most liberal cities in the US — but it’s not far left enough for Schools Chancellor Richard Carranza.

In an exclusive sit-down last week with The Post to cap his first year at the helm of the Department of Education, Carranza said he was astonished when he arrived from Houston and found not everyone in the Big Apple was a bleeding heart.

“That’s surprised me. Because that’s not the New York that I thought I was coming to — New York, the blue of the blue, liberal, progressive. You know — New York,” he said.