AOC Offers Advice to New Legislators

DO – Maintain a calm, controlled, professional demeanor whenever cameras are present. Protect your image and reputation!

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) – In an attempt to encourage “ordinary people” who want to try running for Congress in 2020, Democrat freshman Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez released a video on Instagram offering her “best advice” to those who are considering a career in politics, based on her experience. The video contained several pairs of “Do’s and Don’ts” to help the inexperienced navigate the troubled waters of a DC career:

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DON’T – let Republicans get away with any racist microaggressions.
DO – adopt an accent that’s more familiar to the audience your speaking with. For example, if you’re a southerner visiting New York, try honking out a little Bronx. Or, you know, vice versa

DON’T – be influenced by big corporate interests who try to buy your vote.
DO – Be loyal to your friends who fight for principled causes. Remind them of that loyalty when the ol’ war chest starts getting low. Technically, it’s not selling out if you like the people you’re selling out to.

DON’T – abandon your roots. Remember your story. Remember where you came from. Be proud of your poverty-mired struggle.
DO – look your best for any photoshoot. If your outfit wasn’t at least 4 figures, you’re not dressing to impress. You’re not in the ghetto anymore.

DON’T – let Big Oil crush this country under its carbony heel. Fight for renewables, wind, solar, mass transportation, and an end to plastic everything. Free the planet from energy oppression!
DO – get to those big campaign events on time – people hate being kept waiting! Call Uber & Lyft if you need a ride. Trust me. I lived, like, one minute from a subway stop, but you have to wait and wait and wait for those trains, and then you have to wait for every stop and start. Trust me, there’s a reason cities have roads.

DON’T – fall behind on the latest trends. Stay up to date, maintain your knowledge base.
DO – find out whether you have a monster or a garbage disposal in your sink. I can’t believe how much better I’m sleeping these days.

DON’T – stand still for social injustice. Go where people are being wronged and champion them.
DO – learn to cry on command, because sometimes all you have to cry about is that you can’t get close enough to your tragedy-props to get them in the picture. I keep an onion in my purse.

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