[To the tune of Billy Joel’s “Downeaster Alexa”]

♩♩♪

Well I’m in this disaster election
And I’m losing to blockheads around
While Obama’s, of course, on the Vineyard
And renaming it “Barack Island Sound.”

I took on Beto and the Mohawk yesterday
Leftists moaning “Get the hell out of Bernie’s way”
Frightened the yokels, then he bought another home
Too proud to work, I let my minions work the phones

So I could
Run my disaster election
And I go where the pockets are deep
There’s compliance out there where I canvas
And a good shepherd can’t fail his sheep.

♩

They’ve got bills to pay and children who need clothes
I know they think I care, but why God only knows!
Blue-collar voters aren’t what they used to be
But I got people back of them who’re backing me.

So if you see my disaster election
And if you’re “woke,” and looking for your free meal
Get a life; I am trolling The Apprentice
Got no use for news that is real.

♩

Now what drives my disaster election?
The media, more and more every year.
Since they told me they’d help sell my whoppers
And there’s no lack of gaslighting here.

I was obeyin’ like my father did before
Can’t make a living just obeying anymore
There ain’t much future for a man who bucks D.C.
But bucks are flowing to left candidates like me. . . .

[Lie, Lie, Lie, Oh! . . .]

♩♩♪