I don’t know how many AC/DC songs I own. I’d have to look it up, but I don’t think I own any. Maybe one. Or two. But I can’t think of what they’d be. Whatever the number, I own more Glenn Miller songs than AC/DC songs, I’m sure.
Okay, I looked it up. I have one. This wasn’t it.
What’s been on your mind? Got something you’d like to share? A topic to discuss? It’s Thursday Night Open Thread.
Who wants to start?
Remember Right Wing Duck’s children’s book? Sure you do. It was from 2005. — The Editors
I’ve accomplished a lot of things in my life. I’ve gotten married, I’ve had kids — well, not me, I mean my wife, and I’ve even managed to hold down a job. But sometimes these accomplishments seem so hollow. Why? Because I haven’t been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Sure, I’ve never been a murderous thug, but that’s only an unofficial requirement.
Having watched the news, it seems that there’s a death row inmate here in California who not only was nominated — but he also wrote a kids book.
This is inspirational. I’ve always wanted to write a kids book to help inspire all those young eager minds — and to make lots and lots of money.
However, it seems that most publishers want to see some sort of “draft” before they’ll fork over any dough! Don’t they know who I am? Every day I hold Frank J’s Coat!!
So it is with sincere pleasure that I now share my latest entry into the exciting world of Children’s books.
Give Me Your Money, By RWD. Retail Price $6.95
Once upon a time, there was a sweet, and gentle gangbanger. His friends called him Killer K. One day Killer K said, “I’m Hungry.” His friends laughed at him. So he shot them.
Some other friends looked on this and said, “Killer, if you had a job, then you would have money. Then you could have all the food you want.”
Killer K thought about this. People were always telling him to learn a skill, take his life seriously, and become a productive member of society. “Get a job?” he said. “That’s racist.”
So Killer K did the next best thing. He robbed a bank.
The bank robbery went perfect. Except for killing a few people, and getting caught. But the bank had free breath mints, so Killer wasn’t so hungry. The next day, the true story was all over the newspapers. He was sent to jail despite pleadings from overweight ministers saying that Killer K was the true victim.
Killer K said, “Now that I’m in prison, I’ll have all the things I need.”
His lawyers said that he should put himself into one of the many wonderful prison rehab programs. These programs trained prisoners in important job skills.
Sadly, all of the positions that were available were too far beneath a convicted felon.
So Killer K thought, “This is a horrible way to live. This makes me want to kill even MORE people.” Then he changed his mind and said, “I should write a book. A book that will inspire children everywhere.” He sat down with his lawyers and thought about different titles.
The book was a huge success. It sold over three HUNDRED copies. In some cities, there were some people who had actually read it!! With this important accomplishment under his belt — Killer K was ready to ask the world for forgiveness. Sadly, the world was not ready to forgive. Probably because they were racist. So he got some friends together to help him ask for help.
Now the whole word knew what was happening! This made Killer K very happy. What will happen to Killer K? I’m sorry, you’ll have to buy the next book.
$6.95 at your local retailer.
**
What do you think? Sure, it’s a bit rough around the edges, and I haven’t quite worked out the ending although I’ll probably have one tonight by midnight.
Kinda left you on a cliffhanger yesterday afternoon, huh? Okay, not really. But you knew there was more to the story, didn’t ya?
Yeah, I think they died in Argentina or Bolivia or Ludowici or somewhere. I don’t guess it matters though. So why do I care? Dunno. I just dunno.
I’ve always been fascinated by Houdini. I saw the Tony Curtis movie a long time ago, and so did others I knew in school, so they and I were originally misinformed about how Houdini died. I later found out the truth. Or what I found out was closer to the truth.
Now, go have a magical day.
Some artists only have one really big hit. Bobby Day had one solo hit. He was with a band that also had one hit, and maybe we’ll go over that some other time. Maybe.
What’s been on your mind? Got something you’d like to share? A topic to discuss? It’s Wednesday Night Open Thread.
Who wants to start?
Ten years ago this week, Harvey penned this. I’d still like to see this. Oh, and don’t forget to hit the “Helping Out Harvey” link in the sidebar. — The Editors
Somebody thought this illustration would be a great way to stick it to the man:
All I can say is that if we can’t have dinosaurs with laser cannons, I’d gladly settle for elephants with devil horns and missile launchers.
Which, by the way, was part of Dick Cheney’s original plan for Afghanistan.
UPDATE – Super-secret spy photo of the Cheney Plan in action from confidential undercover informant Code Name “Michael”:
I never heard of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid until the movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid was released in 1969. I don’t think I actually saw the movie during its first run, but when I did, I knew it was based on real people and some of what happened was real. But, I didn’t know how much.
It’s amazing what you know that just isn’t so, ain’t it?
The Democratic candidates all rallying around abortion on demand in the third trimester is just straight psychopath. Don’t know of a nicer way of putting that.
It’s just infanticide at that point. It’s like a decent chunk of the population has gone completely insane… in a very gruesome way.
Now I find abortion horrific from the getgo. I saw my kids at 8 weeks and would have considered it murder to harm them then. Still, it’s no mystery why you have a lot of support for abortion on demand in 1st trimester but it drops to crazy fringe in the 3rd.
It’s just that crazy fringe includes now almost all the Democratic candidates. My guess is, most of them find it horrific too, but you have to pander to the base which feels the need to double down on the most gruesome parts of abortion.
Well, if you want profiles in courage, the last place to look is politicians. Still, if you want to help Trump, make sure he’s the only one on the good side of the dismembering babies issue.
When I eat a fortune cookie, I just pop the whole thing in my mouth and chew and swallow the cookie along with the fortune.
Because I make my own luck.
Yes, I’ve nearly choked to death a couple time, but that’s because of my actions… not random chance.
If I ever met anyone who disagreed with me about politics, I’d just patiently explain to him why he’s wrong.
Why don’t all the Dems just run on what a great success Obamacare was?
“Here’s my plan for health care: Nothing. Because we have Obamacare. Problem solved back in 2010.”
If you honestly believe the world could soon be ending from climate change and that America is collapsing to fascism, how much time do you spend worrying about pronouns?
When you first see a person, is categorizing that person as male or female the very first categorization your brain does? How long does that take and how accurate is it?
If I had a platform and was told to remove false political ads, I’d just ban all politicians and political entities from saying anything on it. That would be the only fair way.
The reason the left are obsessed with Facebook and political ads is they have this false belief they can get people to their side by controlling what they see. The actual way would be to treat those who disagree with respect, but the far left would die before doing that.
The annoying thing about writing something funny for a book is can be like a year or more before anyone gets to see it. Much tighter feedback loop with tweets.
Was typing on my phone the message “Going to be 10 minutes” and autocomplete suggested “early” as the next word. I thought these things learn from you.
Wow. Can you believe how close we were in 2016 to electing an unhinged nut job?
I still have absolutely no idea what Seb Gorka is and why I’ve heard of him.
I wonder what’s happening right now.
opens Twitter app
scrolls through “In Case You Missed It” tweets from 12 hours ago that I didn’t miss
scrolls through 5 promoted tweets
goes to Google News
What exactly are “streetlight people”? Some sort of mutant, half-man, half-streetlight? And why should I “don’t stop believin’” in them? Because they sound fairly ridiculous.
DAFFY DUCK Backs MARTIN SCORSESE, Calls MARVEL Movies “Despicable”
But who watches the Watchmen? Not me, since I don’t have HBO.
“From the man who ruined Star Wars… Knives Out.”
We always hear about “anti-heroes,” but pretty much every superhero has done something wrong. Spider-Man got his uncle killed, Batman is obsessed to the point of it being unhealthy, and Iron Man is an alcoholic.
The only superhero who has never done anything wrong is Rorschach.
Are people just joking around calling other people “Russian assets” or have people actually gone psycho-crazy?
What makes me different is I think really hard about each political issue before coming up with an opinion. That way, I come up with the right opinion. It would be nice everyone else did that.
“Watch as JJ Abrams tries to salvage the few plot threads Rian Johnson didn’t completely curb stomp to death.”
No one needs a 30 round magazine. If they were outlawed, I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t protest. I’d just get a 29 round or 31 round magazine and think nothing of it. Because I don’t need 30 rounds.
I saw in that clip of the Joker dancing on the stairs that he’s smoking a cigarette! Is that guy crazy?
Oh no! Someone just stabbed me while saying, “I just saw the Joker movie, so I think this is okay.”
I find Trump’s use of the term “lynching” so dumb and the freak out about it so disingenuous and I just want to impeach everybody from everything.
If you follow college football at all, you’ve probably heard of Georgia Tech’s 222-0 win over Cumberland College back in 1916. Heck, even if you don’t, you may have heard of it. Because that was just that crazy nuts.
Tech’s coach, John Heisman was born on October 23, 1869, some 150 years ago. Next time you’re getting an ass kicking, just be thankful John Heisman isn’t administering it.
Old songs are the best. This one topped the charts for two months in 1942.
No, that wasn’t the original version, although that was the biggest hit version. You were probably expecting a bunch of singing cowboys rather than some big band vocal choir, right? Well, here you go. From the movie in which it first appeared, “The Forest Ranger.”
What’s been on your mind? Got something you’d like to share? A topic to discuss? It’s Tuesday Night Open Thread.
Who wants to start?
Spacemonkey gave us this in 2005. — The Editors
Sometimes top ten lists practically write themselves. Others are a lot harder. Some, well, forget it. With that in mind, I give you the..
Top Ten List Of Really Hard To Write Top 10 Lists.
10. Top 10 List Of Food Items Michael Moore Has Not Eaten At Least 12 Of At A Single Sitting…Today
9. Top 10 List Of Elements Of Any Christian Holiday That The ACLU Has Not Sued Someone About
8. Top 10 List Of Elements Of Any Non-Christian Holiday That The ACLU Has Sued ANYONE About
7. Top 10 Longest Times Ted Kennedy Has Been Sober (There’s only one)
6. The Top 10 Comic Strips Drawn by Ted Rall That Were Either Artistic OR Funny (Not Just To His Mom)
5. Top 10 List Of People Who’ve Ever Paid Back Every Cent They Borrowed From You
4. Top 10 List Of Bathroom Floors You’d Ever Apply The “Three Second Rule” To
3. Top 10 List Of Sharp, Knife-Like Items That Are Fun To Gouge Really, Really Deeply Into Your Eye (Either One)
2. Top 10 List Of Admirable Things About Oliver Willis, KOS , and Atrios (combined)
and the Number One Really Hard To Write Top 10 List…
1. Top 10 List Of People Who’d Rather Read A Top 10 List About Top 10 Lists Than Eat Freshly Baked Pie. Mmmmmm Pie.
