Ivy League Study Claims MLB Players Are Hitting More Home Runs Thanks to Global Warming
KTXS.com | April 10, 2023 | Zachary RogersMajor League Baseball (MLB) are hitting more home runs thanks to global warming and climate change, a new study claims.
Published on Friday, the study “Global warming, home runs, and the future of America’s pastime” focuses on data that reportedly shows “higher temperatures substantially increase home runs.”
Dartmouth College researchers who published the study in the Bulletin of the American Meteorological Society claim they can attribute at least 500 home runs from 2010 to 2019 to “historical” warming.
Home runs in baseball—fair balls hit out of the field of play—have risen since 1980, driving strategic shifts in gameplay,” the study’s abstract reads. “Myriad factors likely account for these trends, with some speculating that global warming has contributed via a reduction in ballpark air density.”
“Here we use observations from 100,000 Major League Baseball games and 220,000 individual batted balls* to show that higher temperatures substantially increase home runs,” researchers say in the study’s abstract.
* They cherry-picked 22 hits per game? Using unbiased criteria?
… it’s much too hot to sit in the catbird seat…
Tom Brady: “Global warming caused those footballs to deflate not me.
Oh and by the way since I’m single now I suggest you all lock up your girlfriends..if you have one and she’s smoking hot.”
… no one can throw a decent spitter anymore…
… beer sales have made the crowds much more rowdy…
… hot dog prices are through the roof because corn is too expensive…
Global warming causes baseball fans to buy more beers at the ballpark.
Except Bud Lite, of course. Not that one.
The Seventh Inning stretch will be renamed to the Seventh Inning Screech by Greta Thunberg.
Other Ways Global Warming Has Affected Baseball: …
The price of cork has been going up substantially.
Other Ways Global Warming Has Affected Baseball: …
It’s harder for Casey to appear nonchalant when he’s at bat.
Other Ways Global Warming Has Affected Baseball: …
the Dodgers left Brooklyn.
Other Ways Global Warming Has Affected Baseball: …
With all these electric cars, no one knows what a piston is anymore.
Other Ways Global Warming Has Affected Baseball: …
it’s just not cricket.
Other Ways Global Warming Has Affected Baseball: …
Cutting back on fossil fuels has removed so many particulates from the air that there is less resistance to all objects passing through. You will also soon notice increased distance in golf drives and faster times at the racetrack. 3 minute mile anyone?
Other Ways Global Warming Has Affected Baseball: …
curve balls curve more and sinkers sink better. So that balances out the possible farther hit home runs.
The new and improved heat-resistant steroids
…the increase in temperatures caused the bodies of Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, and Sammy Sosa to thermally expand.
Global Warming! I thought it was the due to the slowing rotation of the earth of the earth’s inner core.
Batters are crowding the plate, looking for the breeze from that high, inside fastball to cool off with…
During any scientific experiment, any researcher worth their pay knows you must first identify all the variables.
The first one that comes to mind, Babe Ruth was not known for hitting the gym for 3 to 4 hours, in addition to on field practice before a game. Drinking vegetable and protein shakes was not on tap, beer and whisky more likely.
Arrest the variables, prove you were not government funded or a pen monkey for John Kerry, then we may consider it.
Wrigley Field booth a/c on the fritz, Harry Caray raising a big stink about it.
Fans in upper decks required to oscillate.
Dry mouthed batters allowed to use Roseanne Barr as designated spitter.
Infield tarps used mostly for warmup pitches sweat blockers.
Chinese spy balloons considered in the field of play.
Whoopi Goldberg has to sit in right field for all Yankee home games.
Rollen Fredrick Stewart replaced by girl in sweaty Bon Jovi tank top.
Woke city councils revoking three strikes and you’re out rules.
Second basemen allowed to hand beer to ump under new infield fly rules.
Warning track replaced by Al Gore’s remaindered apocalypse book bins.
“I Don’t Know” replaced on third by “How Dare You?”
(Come to think of it, there was a similar replacement in the scientific community.)