“I had to swerve to miss a cat. [Cat? Stupid! They’ll never believe that.] I mean a dog. I had to swerve to miss a dog. A puppy. A Labrador puppy.” flop sweat breaks out
“Wal-Ru-Ru, honey, emus can’t drive. All they do is peck the steering wheel, dearie.”
‘Mom!! Then someone jammed a potato up my tail pipe! Look at the damage!”
“The emu did it!!”
“Sure, Walruie. Come on inside out of the cold, punkin. You’ve had a rough day looking at all those women! Were ya sneakin’ a peek a little bit while you was drivin’? Were ya? Huh?”
“I had to swerve to miss a cat. [Cat? Stupid! They’ll never believe that.] I mean a dog. I had to swerve to miss a dog. A puppy. A Labrador puppy.” flop sweat breaks out
{Uses editing software to splice into dashcam footage, even though it was nighttime}:
“I swear, it was some psycho Karen who said she was triggered by my red car… it wasn’t my fault…”
The. Emu. was driving. Honest.
Flightless wings can’t downshift.
Flightless birds won’t downshift…
NOW you tell him.
I’ll take my spanking from Miss Penelope, that’ll teach me. Next time I’ll be the DD and the intern can do the drinking.
“Wal-Ru-Ru, honey, emus can’t drive. All they do is peck the steering wheel, dearie.”
‘Mom!! Then someone jammed a potato up my tail pipe! Look at the damage!”
“The emu did it!!”
“Sure, Walruie. Come on inside out of the cold, punkin. You’ve had a rough day looking at all those women! Were ya sneakin’ a peek a little bit while you was drivin’? Were ya? Huh?”
“Mommmmmmm!”