“You can’t hide anything from us!” declared the intrepid reporter, “Tell us the truth!”
“Stop yelling at me!” cried Rumsfeld, slouching behind the podium.
“Admit you hadn’t planned for resistance and your war is a failure!” the reported demanded.
“You can’t make me,” Rumsfeld muttered, now almost completely hiding behind the podium. “Dr. Rice, please save me.”
“No,” Condoleezza Rice answered as she walked in front of the press, “I’ve now taken a political position more consistent with my race and gender thus becoming a liberal democratic, a savior of humanity. And I want to announce that this war is evil and a Zionist plot! In fact, ever member of this administration including the president himself is secretly Jewish!”
“Oy vey! Our secret is out!” Rumsfeld exclaimed, “but it doesn’t matter how ingenious you reporters all are, you can’t stop our war now that it’s started.”
“But I can!” shouted a voice from the rear as the doors to the room burst open. In strode a hulk of a man, his clothing barely concealing his rippling muscles.
“Oh, it’s Michael Moore!” swooned a female reporter, “The protector of truth and justice in this world… and I can’t help but remark how great his hygiene is!”
“After my reasoned speech at the Academy Awards, support for this war has crumbled,” Moore declared in a booming voice. “It has also embolden the Iraqis to fight against the U.S. imperialism, and now your troops flee.”
“Don’t hurt me Michael Moore!” Rumsfeld pleaded as he tried to run. He was stopped at the door by none other than Jacque Chirac and Saddam Hussein.
“America is over as a superpower!” Chirac declared, “But France and Iraq have joined together to form a new superpower – Friaqi!”
“And you are under arrest for attacking, me, a democratically elected leader in your greedy pursuit of oil,” Saddam said as he handcuffed Rumsfeld.
“And all Americans are in trouble for their crudeness!” Chirac yelled, “Except for a few of your wisest, such as the paragon of virtue, Michael Moore. And your democracy will be replaced with a much better system where France tell you what to do and think!”
“And new dress code!” Saddam added, “Everyone must wear a beret and grow a bushy mustache!”
“And now the world will have peace at last,” Chirac announced, “For all conflicts will be solved with endless debate. Now, as a first order of business, lets ship all those troublesome Jews in Israel into the sea and give the land to the peaceful Palestinians!”
“Hip hip hooray!” cried the reporters, ushering in this new era of peace and Frenchiness.
Sacre bleu! You have discovered Canada’s secret to success… this Friaqi federalism is sure to please the whole world!
Frank you are a sick person and you need help… that last in my world just does not have the zing of your earlier ones. I just can not see Condoleeza backing off lick that she should have killed rumsfield and gassed the press.
Damn, I just posted that and realized its April Fools Day… and the jokes on ME.
To Michael Moore, chIraq, Saddam Hussein, etc.: Rumsfeld ROCKS! You can fantasize all you like, but you can’t stop our man!!
I’m going to have nightmares for days.
Friaqi!… BWAAAHAHAHAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
gasp pant gasp
In the name of God, Frank, DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!! I know it’s just a prank, but some things just go too far. shudder
Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
[gasp of breath]
Friaqi!
Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
Michael Moore… muscles… paragon…
Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
People at work are looking at me strange because I can’t talk for laughing. Then again, they’re always looking at me strange, so that’s nothing new.
Oh, thank you! That was great. Of course, Rummy better be back to his happy-go-lucky, luger-totting self tomorrow!
Don’t worry. I got such great ideas for tomorrow I almost can’t wait.
Eeeexcellennnt. Frank shows his true colors and liberlaism triumphs over the uneducated conservative rabble.
Bah! Fortunately I remembered it was April Fool’s Day before suffering simultaneous heart attack and aneurysm. I wasn’t sure for a minute if I had landed in some hideous alternate universe. Thank God it’s April 1.
Keep up the good work, Frank.
“But I can!” shouted a voice from the rear as the doors to the room burst open. In strode a hulk of a man, his clothing barely concealing his rippling muscles.
“Oh, it’s Michael Moore!” swooned a female reporter, “The protector of truth and justice in this world… and I can’t help but remark how great his hygiene is!”
Ye gods. Frank, you’re sick. And brillant. But especially sick.
ps: has the DC PD found any new clues as to the identity of the Rumsfeld Strangler? 😉
Um.. does this mean we all have to stop taking showers and using deoderant? What about women.. Do we have to stop shaving our underarms? 🙁
Would Friaqi consider us political dissidents if we didn’t smell?
Great article.. This is a terrific website, I come by here every day to read your stuff. Keep up the good work 🙂
“Would Friaqi consider us political dissidents if we didn’t smell?”
No, because if you did, you would be revolting.
Heh, that freaked me. April fool’s day was yesterday here in Australia, and I only just got to read this. Luckily I had just swung by nicedoggie.net and so was prepared for all manner of untruths.
“Peaceful Palestinians!” Ha! Whooo! Oh, Frank, stop it, stop making me laugh. It hurts. Agony-agony-agony.
That huge moan you just heard was the entire population of the Axis of Weasels having a collective [sic] orgasm, after reading this latest effort.
Too bad they aren’t allowed to light up a cigarette (banned by EU Reg. 28475639-232).
Gets up off the floor, clutching his chest..
Oh my lord Frank…please NEVER EVER do that again.
On the other hand, Friaqi is pretty damn hilarious.
Even as a liberal, you haven’t lost your touch. Sadly, I now have to shoot you.
-Jeff
I knew this was an April Fool’s thing, but it really wasn’t too funny. People actually believe that crap! That’s just too scary for me.
hm…….. well, i find it hilarious………
god bless chirac and peace lovers