Current polls actually have Bush behind Kerry in a national match-up. Then again, Mondale led Reagan in the polls early on, so that doesn’t mean too much. Still, it would be great if Bush started to raise his popularity, and I have some suggestions how.
TOP TEN WAYS BUSH CAN RAISE HIS POPULARITY
10. Use funky new remixed version of “Hail to the Chief” when entering a room.
9. Rescue kids from a burning orphanage. It may take a number or tries for Bush to get the rescue right, but there are plenty of orphanages and they are all surprisingly flammable.
8. To quickly create millions of new jobs, murder Canadians and steal theirs.
7. Have Bush hunt down Osama and then defeat him in brutal kung fu fight while cameras are recording the action. Could also be used for fund raising if it’s pay-per-view.
6. Dismiss questions about Bush war record by having him use a fighter jet to destroy a strategic military target – such as the Kennedy Compound.
5. Use phony approval rating poll to hunt down and kill anyone who disapproves of him.
4. People love juggling, and people love puppies – so juggle puppies!
3. He could burn down the IRS headquarters while on national T.V. leading us in the song, “Kumbaya.”
2. Same as previous, but replace song with “Welcome to the Jungle.”
And the number one way Bush can raise his popularity…
Finally find some WMD’s in Iraq and totally rub the world’s faces in it.
First!
That’s not fair. I call first.
And actually, a play off number 7 and 1 with a bit of spice.
#0: Use Iraqi WMD’s to kill Osama while the stock market steadily rises in the background.
Good luck in Canada, we haven’t got any jobs either!
Challenge John Kerry to a celebrity death match. Just before the bell rings to start the match, kick him in the nards then snap kick his face when he doubles over. Repeatedly kick him in the ribs and head as he lay on the mat while yelling things like…”So you think you’re bad huh?” “Take that squid!” “Fight back you pus*y! How’re you going to defeat terrorism is you can’t beat a cowardly deserter?!?!”
#0 – Admit he lied about the WMDS, his stock fraud, complicity with Halliburton and his AWOL status from the National Guard, apologie, and actually make people believe it. Then maybe he’ll win his first election.
I don’t get it… When did John Kerry go up against Bill Clinton?
Yee ha! Yeah, former hostage, then he could pull out his pocket knife to show his technique on Kerry as to how he turns bulls into steers down on his ranch, but I’m afraid he’d find that the testicles had been sacrificed long ago as the price of moving up in the democratic party.
As a person who has been called in for a random audit next week, I favor burning down the IRS to the tune of “Welcome to the Jungle”.
But they already know where the WMDs are. They are just waiting until October to announce it.
I wish they’d hurry up and disclose them then. I’m ready to buy some at the auction.
I see Joseph J. Finn is one of those brave souls who doesn’t let pesky facts interfere with his misguided opinion…
How can Bush make his approval rating soar? He can start supporting file-sharing. That’s the easiest way.
Hmmm….I’m thinking about a steel-cage match. Bush and Rumsfeld vs. Putin and Chirac.
At the end of the match, have Bush reach into Putin’s broken body and pull his skeleton out by the spine (has to be Putin, everyone knows the French have no spine) and hold it triumphantly in the air while mocking Crazy Howie’s scream of delight.
I don’t understand. Didn’t he send everyone an extra tax rebate a little while back? Didn’t he cut everybody’s taxes. Isn’t the economy on the rise? Isn’t 5.6% unemployment pretty normal for this country? Isn’t Saddam getting butt-raped in a prison cell somewhere?
There’s just no pleasing some people.
LibertyBob:
It’s only progress if it’s being accomplished by Democrats.
Besides, things still aren’t perfect. For example, sometimes my shoulder hurts when I play basketball. I’m pretty sure that if Gore were president he’d have done something about it already.
He could make it illigal to vote for Kerry, works here at work. Everytime we have some sorta staff meeting/vote we are usaly told what to vote for.
You’re right David. If Gore had won we’d have socialized health care. After waiting 3 weeks for an appointment you’d finally have gotten in to see a doctor. The doctor would provide you with some free pills and told you to make an appointment to see him on a follow-up. 5 weeks later you finally get in on the follow-up. A different doctor, would evaluate the first one’s work to find that he missed a critical problem. Your arm would be amputated. You’d be let out of the hospital the same day and sent home. After a couple weeks of recovery you’d finally be able to go back to work.
Of course you’d be thrilled that you got all this fine care for free. Smiling the whole time you’re working, not noticing the 2/3 of your salary going to taxes.
Screw Al Gore. I can’t even stand the thought of him as President even in funny, hypothetical situations.
There is a very good possibility number 1 will actually pan out. Not necessarily in Iraq, but Iraqi WMD’s found elswhere. It will be a matter of the quantities found eventually being sufficient to trip a popular overide of the talking points that a little doesn’t matter.
When and if this happens, I am with Frank. Bush should scrub the worlds face with it and without mercy.
Number 1 does not work. The WMD in Iraq are not any more making the actuallity. Now the new challenge is to get the nukes of Bin Laden, those that were bought in 1998 from Ukraine.
To win the campaign, I suggest that Bush makes a banner written “Nuke IMAO, a realistic plan for world peace”.
If we consider that Bin Laden had the nuclear nukes in 1998, that September 11th happened in 2001 and that no one could predict that the Twin towers could deseapear with a crash, has anybody ever though that the nuclear nukes could have been used in the planes that hitted the towers ?
The towers have melted because of the heat due to the crash, but could the fuel or the fire have spread that quickly all over the structure ?
And would the authorities have told the truth ? Could they have told the truth if it would have happened ?
Amphitryon = Pierre Salinger without a spell checker.
Consider this: if there were ‘nuclear nukes’ (as opposed to… creamy cheddar cheese nukes?) on the 9/11 planes, they would not have exploded anyway. It takes an IMLPOSION of explosive material to compress the matter that starts the nuclear chain reaction. Even if the bomb enclosures had ruptured, the resulting radiation poisoning in lower Manhattan would have killed thousands by now – plus everyone in the vicinity would be, at a minimum, bald. You conspiracy theorists ought to read more Tom Clancy; at least then you could sound coherent.
Oh, and as a respose for Mr. Finn, every Dem in the country, from Clinton (both of ’em)to Pelosi has stated that Saddam had WMD’s. Clinton’s info was no better than Bush’s. Stock fraud? Who is this? Martha Stewart? Halliburton? Oh, so their sweet no-bid contract awarded by the Clinton administration in Bosnia doesn’t count, huh? AWOL? Sooo 2000. But just in case you weren’t paying attention, the records were re-released today. Apologize for what? Should he apologize for trying to do something to protect us instead of appeasing terrorists? Bill F’ing Clinton should apologize for not accepting Osama from the Sudanese government.
Two more words for Mr. Finn: ELECTORAL COLLEGE!
Moron. Have a nice day, everybody! You kick ass, Frank (for a mouthbreather)!
Obviously, I should have borrowed Pierre’s spell checker… that should be IMPLOSION…
Do you think Bush could find WMD’s in chicago?
A dirty bomb does not need any implosion. A dirty bomb does not even need enriched uranium. It does not kill other than a bomb does kill, but it does make the people sick because of the dust.
The uranium stock pile of Iraq, 27 pounds, was the size of a bottle of coca-cola. An explosion that would involve the uranium of Iraq would condemn for dozen years a town the size of New York. I am not trying to terrify anybody about that, but the fact is that no one ever cared about the WMD in Iraq until the twin towers were hit, and precisely because there are risks that an organization such Al-Qaeda could use a dirty bomb to terrify the people, disturb the politic, the economy and the stability of western nations. A mass destructive bomb has a real law impact on the population other than the number of the death. What Al-Qaeda is doing, is to divide into the US on the basis of a suspicion that might have come too late. We speculate on the present fact that Iraq might have had WMD that an organization such Al-Qaeda could have want to use in the future. An article in Reuters dated last February 8th shows that Al-Qaeda might have had access to nuclear nukes before September 11th, and that the threat of a dirty bomb is a real actuality that involves the international community.
The nuclear power is under international control. The nuclear black market does escape every kinds of control and does wake up the old suspicions on the weapons resellers, such Russia, France, and China. The Middle Eastern countries are dividing the world to better rule it, except the fact that countries such Jordan never planned that things could go that well in Iraq…
Dan, your have been punished for your arrogant orthography discrimination. The race card should apply in here. I am not guilty. I am simply not English, but your insults testify that you are not friendly.
All that to say, Frank, that to raise his popularity, Bush should secure the American with the proper technology that could cure the people against a dirty bomb… which ever you call it. The fact are that the scientists who best know the nuclear know how to “implode” it, but not to stop it. Sometimes, too much knowledge is not that good, because the one who only follow the logic better have control than the one who only got knowledge on his obsessions.
Is it funny like this ?
I am forbid of fun on IMAO, and if you call me guy, you must take the balls off.
LibertyBob, if Bush finds WMD in Chicago, it’s to blew up the liberals who make a campaign with anti-war statements.
Strip-tease arguments against Bin Laden do not need any conviction. Just only a real strong sense of the reality.
Main Entry: or·thog·ra·phy
Pronunciation: or-‘thä-gr&-fE
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ortografie, from Middle French, from Latin orthographia, from Greek, from orth- + graphein to write — more at CARVE
1 a : the art of writing words with the proper letters according to standard usage b : the representation of the sounds of a language by written or printed symbols
2 : a part of language study that deals with letters and spelling
Wow, I’m humbled that I had to look that one up! We mouthbreathers always refer to it as ‘spelling’. One for you, Amphityron. However, I feel far from punished. I agree that a ‘dirty bomb’ does not need an implosion. You were referring to nukes – and I am assuming you are referring to the ‘suitcase nukes’ that went missing from Ukraine in 1998. A suitcase nuke is a ‘tactical weapon’ not a dirty bomb. There were no nukes, dirty or otherwise, on the 9/11 aircraft. That’s the point I was attempting to refute. And I appreciate the point you are tyring to make – I think one of America’s biggest vulnerabilities is a ‘dirty bomb’, and I expect to see one of our cities attacked by one sometime in the next 10-20 years.
What I meant is that anti-war people are not honest in their arguments against Bush because the nuclear black market does exist, because there is no need of any nuclear structure to have a lethal use of the uranium and because dirty bombs have a psychological, political and economical impact that is worst than any kind of nuclear bomb. All what a terrorist organization does need to use dirty bombs is money, the financial structure to hid it and the relations to coordinate the “sell and buy market”… Everything that Saddam did have with the Oil-for-food program, a close market under close control which had only one door: the corruption.
When you see the list of the people who received bribes from Saddam, that you compare it to the U.N. and its involvement into the nuclear control, you feel sort freezing, because there cannot be any confidence with the legal international organizations (to compare, Pasqua in France received 12 millions dollars from Saddam. The same Pasqua was involved in the Falcone affair, a weapons seller that sold French armament to Angola and who was elected as the Ambassador of Angola within the UNESCO to be covered under the juridical immunity… Between the fact that someone does something that is prohibited and the fact that you arrest him, there are two steps, which is to catch him and have him condemned to jail… This is a reality that even the first man of the United States cannot control, who ever he is because there are laws, even to protect the criminals, whoever they are.
“Expect” is an other different way to use the language. In my perception, when someone expects, there is a kind of wish behind, which I am sure is not your mean. The proper expression would say “and I fear to see” not “I expect” for it to have a real good sense. Journalists in newspapers do exactly the same fault, which is a habit of language more than a mistake.
“All that to say, Frank, that to raise his popularity, Bush should secure the American with the proper technology that could cure the people against a dirty bomb”
Iodine. BTW, I never heard French death metal before….Cool music, I can’t understand the lyrics, but I can’t understand English death metal either.
This web site is not mine.
“whose balls, exactly ?”
That’s a good question. To take something off, you must have the thing, which I do not have, so it seems that if you mean to call me guy, you’ll have to practice being a lady.
It’s always easier for a guy to adapt the situation… shave your legs, soften your voice and be pretty. All that is usually asked of a woman.
By the way, speaking of Chicago, Baghdad at war had its own show when after 21 days in the sands the marines made a live strip-tease in the river. Without the war, we could not even have seen Chief Wiggles’ butt, missing this entertainment to replace it with TV… ? bah !
The more there are wars, the more there are chances to see baby marines.
I though that iodine was only made for detections.
Let Cheney scream.
I like that phrase… “nuclear nukes.” It’s got a ring to it. Though honestly I can’t concieve of a “non-nuclear nuke.” Perhaps the person who invented the phrase isn’t so good with the English? Well, I won’t hold that against him or her; obviously they’ve got enough problems without people making fun of their ESL skills.
Anyone else feel that Amphitryon is just too gull darn book smart for likes of us?
Let the person be. It is better to have a commentor that speaks logically than someone who spews trash from his or her mouth without even looking at the facts. The last thing we need is more ignorance.
Hmmm.where are WMD?
Clinton has them. He sent Albright to scare bejesus out of Saddam and give her all WMD in his possesion, in the morning before leaving WH.
You ask why? why would he do such treacherous thing?
HA!
Simple…whomever he dislikes,he feeds them slowly. Take a look at Dean and Gore’s yeolllllls. And if,hiallry nags him about his sideline affairs,watch her slowly growing into wild woman.
Curtis, being a woman not only depends on your balls. You need also to have the profile. Considering this, I am probably an eunuch.
I have always wondered what would happen if it would be asked to men having silicon. At least, it does not change your angle of sight, only the angle of sight of your viewers. It is said that 95 % of the women look at men first by the balls. Then only they look at you on the face, if considering that there is no danger.
In some countries, men hid their balls as WMD. To find them, you have to ionize them and watch them through an X ray screen. That’s why they medicate with iodine, to have a satellite control of the population.
Anyway, two balls count only for one, so still, you have the eunuch option.
All that to say that the credibility of Bush depends on the reasons why he decided to attack Iraq rather than Ukraine, better than to know if there were WMD in Iraq.
Kay said that there were no interest in finding the WMD outside Iraq. This is not true. There is interest in knowing which was the level of the corruption, being the CIA, Europe, Russia or Asia.
If the CIA was corrupted with the politic of Clinton, there was a leak that is dangerous, because the question then is where is democracy ? Is Clinton a substitute of western dictatorship ? When Clinton interferes with the presidency of Bush, using the national institutions as a way to disturb the policy of the government (that was elected by the people), it is called sabotage, disturbance, abuse, manipulation and dishonesty.
Obviously, a man can also ask a woman to take her (eye) balls off. So there is not any distinction being a guy or not. Cannot be asked to be a blind eunuch.
“Obviously, a man can also ask a woman to take her (eye) balls off. So there is not any distinction being a guy or not. Cannot be asked to be a blind eunuch.”
WTF is this supposed to mean?
Liberal Beater, you think this is an example of a commentator that speaks logically?
Amphitryon,
Back in your cage, bitch! Or would you prefer a taste of the whip?
Sir Stephen, you are funny. Men can pour all sorts of obscenities on women, but they are always fair, smart, undoubtedly clean of every kind of obscene definition about the mankind that is theirs.
A woman who has opinion is just only a bitch. Take it to yourself on the behalf of your own references and clean your mouth, you still have dirt.
Sexism, arrogance and degradation of the woman is what you are all about. I think exactly the same thing about you, not only that you are a bitch, but that you are as monkey face a peanut, totally out of control.
You are not respectable yourself Sir. Stephen, and taken out of IMAO, you would not be funny at all. What makes it funny, is Frank’s own personality, sexist, block head with a praise of himself that makes all the thing funny, compare to some more talented funny writers. I think that the funniest card of IMAO is to imagine a writer that is pretending to be an adult while he writes texts that are completely immature.
Put that on the balls story, scratch yourself, and stay as you are with your bitching opinion. As long as you don’t dare to be a gigolo, you keep on being funny.
I wonder who is in or out the cage. Personally, I feel free to not be called guy, and answer on your own repertoire.
Chicago is in America isn’t it ? It’s all about women and guns isn’t it ? Oh yes, and about murder, when women feel bored about the men. You know, the right to dress short and not being oppressed being a woman. Bang bang, with freedom to dance on rhythm.
In fact, every women who pretend that the freedom allow them to dress as they want without being harassed by men scratching balls are bitches. Oh hell, those people on Imao are not American. That the reason why they are made soldiers. It’s the quickest way to send them in Afghanistan.
Still men can appear naked on Reuters, they’ll always be babies, using their baby wipes, smooth brush, and warm socks. Women, in the contrary are becoming bitches, but that’s the new generation opinion, whose said conservatist, uneducated oppressors. During year 75-80 a woman would give birth on a reportage on TV to document the different way life is given. Nowadays, a woman is just a bitch, and eventually a cow. So she only gives birth to veals if she is not at the bosoms’ competition. Still the men are babies. They only ever need little consolation.
America has not revolution the freedom of the women, except in the fact that American women are objectized to entertain the rest of the world.
Poor you.
Anyway, I read IMAO for the fun. Without people like you, there would not have any fun at all.
From the translation of whip with reverso.com, it seems, Sir Stephen, that your vocabulary speaks more about yourself than me.
Still, the picture of Chief Wieggles butt is the most funny ever answer to mankind.
Frank, you know what we say about men and guns ?
Men who have a gun usually do not have guts while you say that a woman without a gun is insane and crazy. Chicago is a proper demonstration that a woman can have a gun and be crazy also. It depends how you intend to use the gun you have.
Speaking of bitches, I have noticed that the French people who paid you were not harassed at all.
Hate and fun, that’s all what satire is made of. Me too I am learning how to reply to your fun.
Can we get back to the serious subject of raising Bush’s popularity?! I think that Frank has some very flawed thinking on item #4, especially if I change it slightly:
People love shakes, and people love puppies – so blend puppies!
Do we really want the Bush administration to align with Evil Glenn?
Looks like Amphitryon hasn’t heard of Pauline Reage…
Have him challenge Howard Dean in a ten paces, turn and fire musket pistol duel. Wouldn’t that be cool?
To Simon Jester,
I withdraw my comment after finding out she went berserk.
JFH, no, we don’t want the Bush administration to align with Evil Glenn, but if the Bush administration aligns with IMAO, they will loose most the American women voters.
I have always though that IMAO was a conspiracy of the democrats. At least, it sure is a leftists factory because if you are not disgusted yet on IMAO, soon or later you will turn the page of the Bush election.
Liberal beater, what do you mean who went berserk ? If some people would keep correct in here, and take the fun for what it is as pretended on IMAO, no one would come berserk. When you call someone a bitch, you got a bitch answer. When you want someone to keep correct, start to be correct yourself.
No Curtis, I am chaste, I preserve my eyes from blindness. I don’t want to see the pic. I am not interested. I just was making humor about guys who only respect guys.
About my language, I am half a fish and a peacock, the most hated gender on IMAO but it’s funny, because I hate IMAO too.
i dunno… but i’d be impressed if terrorists managed to sneak a nuke through airport security. . i mean, it’s really easy to catch things like knives and whatnot, but enough nuclear material to pose a serious threat?
“About my language, I am half a fish and a peacock”
?!?
I’ve got it! You are Eric Cantona and I claim my £10!
The CIA has shown leaks (see also this and this), and when a threat is real, when the risks are eminent, it happens sometimes that everything unbelievable happens.
The two planes that crashed on the Twin Towers were from Boston. It was the Twin Towers, as a deliberate intention for the crime to be double. It was not against a symbol of the government, but the Twin Towers and the Pentagon.
I think that if I would have been aware of some details of the crash at the time it happened, and if I would have been at the government, I would have though that Saddam Hussein was responsible and that those two towers wich were supposed to resist an air crash, could have be destroyed by nuke wallets.
The terrorists were trained in USA and they only flew with American companies from inside the US to inside the US. Any kind of materials enter the US every days and ship are the main threat to the security of the country. Without any suspicions about terrorists attacks, without any idea of how they could attack, neither any apparent threat, it would have be easy to fly with uranium in a wallet.
I never though of that before, but the fact is that few days ago, Ukraine was accused of having sold uranium to Al-Qaeda in 1998. We are looking for WMD that could be used in the future, but the fact is that the stock pile of uranium of Iraq could have been used in the World Trade Center. If that is the case, this means that the dust that the survivor have breath would be radioactive, and that is more a question than a statement.
Why did the towers collapse ?
Passengers are sometimes a threat, but more in the sense that they can coordinate an action and activate the process of the terrorism acts. It is an orchestration which means are quite insignificant.
Few men in a plane who crashed it on a tower. The accident, in normal conditions would only have made dozens of dead, not hundreds. What makes the terrorists action lethal is the way how it infiltrated the American lines. In the case of the World Trade Center, if uranium had been used, that means that American employees at the airport in Boston had probably charged the plane with nukes, that those employees might have acted because of money, maybe worst the ideology or the politic. No one can know until the inquiry is complete, but actually, we don’t hear about any evolution in the inquiry. We don’t even know anything about it. The all inquiry has been swallowed by the front lines about the war in Iraq and people seem satisfied will the daily threat on color.
Human are not an element of the nature. They cannot rule for God, be his manifestation, an expression that lastly states on the natural judgment. The religion are made to control the human and define the limits between the God and the humanity. It is wrong to depend on a terrorists alert as if criminals could be just like hurricanes. The events of the nature are the part of the mystery, but the human does not take part in this mystery. A murder committed by a human is a crime, not a judgment, neither a religious statement.
Simon Jesper, I don’t know anything about soccer.
bozhe moi! i can’t handle this. i’m just going to lick my balls and go to sleep. spokoinoi nochu..
#2 replace with the song “Respect” from Pantera and shove Kerrys fony self nominated Carter fabricated medals up his and Jane Fondas ass Sideways at 911 degrees fahrenheit