I haven’t done this in a while, but I am a humor expert (prove I’m not), and it’s fun to do a little navel-gazing every so often.
There was a radio ad for Steven Wright who is appearing at a local auditorium. If you don’t know Steven Wright, he’s a comedian who speaks in a monotone, bored voice and makes a number of funny statements instead of doing a coherent routine. One of the sound clips in the radio ad was of this joke of his: “Do you think when George Washington was asked for ID, he’d just pull out a quarter?” Now, you could replace “quarter” with “dollar” and the joke would still work, but why is quarter funnier?
Also, I remember when Seinfeld was on SNL and had a little joke about 7-11 in which he said, “What’s the deal with the Big Gulp? Does anyone really need that much Mountain Dew?” (it’s funnier if you say it out loud trying to imitate his voice). Why would that joke be less funny with Coke or Pepsi as the beverage? Can you name another soda that would be as funny or funnier in that statement?
Finally, I have Futurama on DVD and was listening to the commentaries. They always used the word “underpants” instead of “underwear” as one writer was convinced that “the word underpants is twenty percent funnier than underwear.” Is he right or wrong? Why?
I have my answers to each of those questions, but I want to hear what you think. So discuss amongst yourselves.
DISCUSS!
UPDATE: Here are my (and thus the correct) answers to the questions:
Archive of entries posted on 5th February 2004
Frank Farked
I ended up in a Fark photoshopping contest (here is a link to the image). I guess when you put out a bunch of photos of yourself expressing a number of different emotions, you’re just asking for it.
Thanks to reader Lou Ciletti for pointing me to this.
Frank Answers: Monkey Ninjas, IMAO Blocked, Algorithms, Chomps on a Shirt, and the Arab Street
Elliot Temple from Berkeley, California writes:
I just saw an episode of Kim Possible where a super villain trains monkey ninjas. The monkey ninjas live through the episode. My question is do you know a good brand of sleeping pills?
Yes, but they’re prescription only. I recommend whiskey. Just like my dad always told me: “Through the most troubling times, whiskey will never let you down, son. Now it’s time for your daily beating!”
Jason from Binghamton writes:
I was using my parents computer this weekend. They have a blocker through their ISP that keeps you from being able to look at porn. It also keeps me from viewing IMAO. Is this a conspiracy against you?
Yes, absolutely. Most people would immediately blame a Zionists conspiracy for anything, but I think this is the work of the Illuminati, a secret, evil organization that your parents are probably part of. My opinion is that you should shut up and mention this no more, as you will be disappeared. Then again, you’re not able to read this advice, so do what you want.
Phil from Phoenix writes:
I recently attended a conference where they talked about approaching problem-solving by the use of algorithms. Is this method named after Al Gore? Did he invent it like he did the Internet?
Webster’s dictionary says the word originated in 825 A.D. Thus, if it were named after Al Gore, that would mean Al Gore is an ancient, evil robot created by aliens… just as I always suspected.
Anyway, I would avoid algorithms. Me, I love heuristics. It’s a lot like bullsh*ing, but more scientifical.
MAJ Mike asks:
When will there be Chomps t-shirt? My students would be soooo jealous.
There are a number of points here. First, if you want more t-shirts from IMAO, you have to buy my current one to prove I have power to move merchandise. Secondly, Chomps was inspired mainly by Emperor Misha I’s logo, and I’m afraid any t-shirt would look too much like it. Finally, a t-shirt depicting Chomps totally freaking out and getting angry would take so powerful a printing that wardrobe malfunctions would be likely, and I don’t know if Doug from ThoseShirts.com has the insurance for that.
Bobo from the Atlanta Zoo
Do you separate Monkeys and Apes in your blatant discrimination of the Simian Race? Or do you discriminate against them equally?
I don’t buy this monkey/ape distinction; they’re all just monkeys to me. You hear that, Bobo? You’re a dead monkey… dead! I’m going to use you to help coin a new phrase: “As fun as shooting monkeys in a barrel.”
Jay from Brooklyn writes:
I have heard a lot about “The arab street” lately. Do you know where the arab street is? If so, what is the actual name of that street? I’m guessing it’s something spelled with a “Q” instead of with a K or C. That is so obnoxious.
You’re probably right about it having some wacky ‘Q’ in it, but I honestly don’t know the name of the Arab Street, and, if I did, I probably would not be able to pronounce it. My guess, though, is that the Arab Street is somewhere in Saudi Arabia and you’ll easily be able to identify it by a big sign that says “Caution: Stampedes”.
Please keep the questions coming (I would especially like more science and math questions), <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.