I’ve gotten lots of neat things from my readers, but, for the first time, I’ve gotten free psychological advice sent in by an E. Harrington:

You are a really SICK individual, and you are suffering from at least one diagnosable psychiatric illness judging only from your writings- narcissistic personality disorder. The same disorder that Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, and many serial killers such as Ted Bundy had.
This is not about politics here. It’s about your mental illness.
You, sir, are a natural born killer.

An e-mail that helpful can’t go without a response:

Kick ass! I’ve never been called a natural born killer before. I once thought of joining the Marines, but decided against it since boot camp looked hard.
Oh, and I think “This is not about politics here. It’s about your mental illness.” might work better as one sentence with the two thoughts separated by a semicolon. That’s just a stylistic thing, so take it or leave it.
Anyway, thanks for the free psychological advice; I know that can usually cost tons of money (notice the semicolon; works well, huh?). The problem is I often get e-mails from crackpots, so – and I hope you don’t take any offense – I had to check on your claim. I happen to have a DSM-IV from when I took Abnormal Psychology in college, and, lo and behold, here’s entry 301.81:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning in early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
So you didn’t make it up. Now, there’s a list of nine symptoms, and I have to check if I fit at least five of them. Let’s take a look-see:
(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g. exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Here’s my problem: what are “commensurate achievements”? I think I’ve done plenty to be recognized as superior. If someone doesn’t recognize me as superior from the work on my website, then he or she has to be pretty stupid.
(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, and ideal love
Preoccupied with fantasies? I call that having ambition.
(3) believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
Well I am special; my mom told me so. And I can only be understood by other special people… those being my readers.
(4) require excessive admiration
I don’t know if I require it, since I’ve always had admiration. But what’s excessive? I mean, it’s usually just people recognizing the fact that I’m superior which seems apropos.
(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
People should do as I say because I’m smarter than them; that’s just logical.
(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Isn’t that why others exist?
(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
Screw others; they’re not me.
(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
I’m not jealous of anyone… especially not that talentless Scrappleface who get more traffic than me. And why is believing others are envious of you bad when it is true? I am a comic genius; of course others are envious.
(9) show arrogant or haughty behaviors or attitudes
I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.
The only thing is I don’t see the murderousness in that disorder that you seem to imply is there. Hmm…
Anyway, while the DSM-IV loves to point out problems, it’s not big on solutions. Like, let’s say I do have a narcissistic personality disorder; can I take anti-narcissism pills for that? And is that enough to qualify me as insane to get away with murder?
“For killing eight people, Frank J., I sentence you to one week of therapy to make you less self-absorbed.”
And does it qualify as a disability?
“I’m narcissistic; give me free money!”
That’s what I need to know E. Harrington. Anymore psychological advice would be appreciated, you lowly maggot who is beneath my contempt (that’s the narcissism talking, so ignore that).
Cordially,
Frank J.

So, do I seem narcissistic to you guys? (say no or I’ll murder you)