(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
From the looks of this post, I’m guessing Frank J. & SarahK have a “thing” going.
They might even be in love.
But it’s hard to tell, because so few people really understand what “love” is.
So, in an effort to shed some light on this baffling topic, I present:
Love is one of a human being’s strongest needs, surpassed only by food and groin-kicking filthy hippies.
Love is like an unquenchable thirst, though it can be temporarily sated with fluids other than water.
The easiest way to tell if someone loves you is to tell them they have a nice ass. If they file a sexual harrassment suit, it’s love.
No, I’m NOT a lawyer. Why do you ask?
The best way to show someone you love them is by buying them expensive gifts. The poor are simply unworthy of love.
Michael Moore is, technically, poor.
Love is full of strange, confusing contradictions, and at times makes no sense whatsoever, yet it should not be confused with the UN, since love rarely involves oil-related scandals.
Despite what you may have been taught in school, love is more than just a few cigars and a stained blue dress
Love means never having to say you’re sorry, mostly because when you screw up, you will need to make a MUCH longer speech than that.
For best results, include bended-knee grovelling and a lot of diamonds.
I told you love wasn’t for the poor.
The French are reputed to be experts in love, mostly because it’s something they can surrender to.
You never know when love will strike, which makes it similar to terrorists. If you see love, shoot it, just to be safe.
Some people will need Viagra for this.
Some types of love are actually unhealthy. For example, if your love involves handcuffs, ostrich feathers, or spankings, it’s fine.
Love is a many-splendored thing, much like the diamond necklace you’ll be buying when you screw up.
Again – not for the poor.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it CAN buy love. Although I’ve found that the healthy kind usually costs a little extra.
Love was originally invented by Microsoft, thus explaining its chronic instability.
In a fight between love and Aquaman, love would conquer all, and Aquaman would confess his secret longing for King Neptune.
Long-lasting love can be achieved by filling out the on-line registration form and only using fully licensed versions. In the long run, pirated love will only bring misery, despite requiring fewer diamonds initially.
For more information on the ins and outs of love (which only SOUNDS dirty) see the Love Notes category at Bad Example. Those with delicate sensibilities are urged to think twice before choosing to view the comments.
Naughty comments on Harvey’s blog? I blame The Bartender.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry, mostly because when you screw up, you will need to make a MUCH longer speech than that.
Heh. Indeed.
Frank’s big screwup this weekend cost him many long speeches, lots of grovelling, and we haven’t gotten to the jewelry part of the apology yet.
ah, love.
btw, still kinda proud that i got the warning on Love Notes comments instituted. 🙂
Harvey, if you have a blog, I think you need to give us a link. This post is hilarious!
In a fight between love and Aquaman, love would conquer all, and Aquaman would confess his secret longing for King Neptune.
ROFL!
Jeeze…Was that link at the top of the post always there? If it was, JJ is having a mental breakdown…
Bwahahaha, sir.
Hemopheliac Of Love
A song by King Missile
When I drive through the great northwest
The snowcaps on the mountain tops
A pack of wolves surrounds my truck
And my fingertips are so cold
All this beauty and all those wolves
They surround me with their eyes so blue
The mountains high, the wolves I love
And all I see is you
All I see is you
(Chorus)
When I see you
I bleed like a hemophiliac of love
When I see you
I bleed like a hemophiliac of love
I remember the blood I bled
Those wolf-like eyes upon your head
Lover, oh, lover, you tear my flesh
And the wolves are at my throat
And vapor is my breath in the cold Mack truck
Surrounded by the wolves, they’re the ones I love
I’ll bleed for them like I will bleed for you
The never ending stream of love
The never ending stream of love
(Chorus 3X)
Lyrics courtesy of eLyrics.com
brilliant, funnier than Frank’s recent stuff. I don’t blame him though, he’s to busy trying to get SarahK arrested.
You forgot this one: Love is a warm puppy. (Okay, I remember this one so that makes me old!)
Money can’t buy happiness, but it CAN buy love.
Not for John Lennon and Paul McCartney, and they said so.
jonag,I think it’s:
Love is a warm puppy, that can be blended into a tasty energy drink.
This is good stuff! You and RWD are pretty darn funny. Maybe even funnier than that Fred guy (or whatever his name is). He’s been gone so long I can’t really remember…
So do FrankJ & SarahK’s kids’ names have to end in L?
Sorry if this is a re-post, but I got the internal server error message when I hit post last time.
I’m gonna be using the French quote for decades to come. Thanks, Harvey
Jenno, that’s an interesting point. I think they should go in order- RoninL, NinjaM, MonkeyN, etc.
Love is like a knife fight: As soon as you start to get close, someone gets hurt.
Just remember, marriage is the leading cause of divorce. 🙂
Bozark! Another KIng Missile fan!!! My heart is a flowerrrrr…
Aaah, love:
My heart is a flower;
Budding, blooming,
dripping with dew,
stinking things up,
dropping petals all over the place
making a huge hopeless mess,
waiting for someone to come along
and suck the pollen out of me;
suck me dry
’til I wither,
’til I am nothing
’til next spring.
Love is:
Biochemically speaking, indistinguishable from eating large amounts of chocolate.
Love is:
Biochemically speaking, indistinguishable from eating large amounts of chocolate.
In following with the “naughty” comments of the Love Notes on my bLog daddy’s site:
– Love will result in the abject destruction of your self-esteem when it is rejected.
– Love is the path to togetherness, which leads to depressive loneliness when separated.
– Love leads to silly acts, which result in much teasing from observers.
– Love promotes faithfulness, which only humans and penguins are dumb enough to do.
– Love promotes commitment, which is best left to those who should be committed.
– Love often involves cuddling, which is mostly worthless.
– Love can result in joint checking accounts, which is definately a bad thing.
– Love means the guy drives the beater, she drives the nice new “reliable” car.
– Love means more cell phone minutes per month than 10.
– Love and Lust only have the “L” in common.
– Love can conquer that “premature” problem …
… but not that “infidelity” problem.
It has been written that;
“Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.”
– That guy probably never had his heart ripped out and trampled on the floor before him.
(none of these were meant to be funny.)
True love means being able to say “Ok, but NO kissing or talking!” without losing that secial moment when you wake to that bad breath lovin’ of the mornin’ with your mate.