Anyway, it’s back, so come get your free book from Premiere Speakers Bureau by commenting. Quick! Be first!
Not sure what’s left to talk about… well, maybe you can help me pick out a book. Which is your favorite choice from those available?
Off topic, have you heard about the strict dress code for Air Marshals? I just saw Michelle Malkin on FOX News a little bit ago, and it seems like one of the dumbest things. The Air Marshals should be able to dress how they want… just don’t grow a giant mustache like Serpico.
One more book giveaway tomorrow… probably early so I can send the info out to Premiere to get everyone their books.
Archive of entries posted on 15th December 2004
Fun Trivia
IMAO Special Projects
In the interest of keeping IMAO shareholders informed, here are the IMAO Special Projects in the works:
Current Project: Selling Christmas CD
Next Project: In My World™ book covering Bush’s first four years
Future Project: Super Secret Black Project Insano (details classified)
Any readers interested in helping out can buy my CD (projects need more funding!). Also, I know I’ve asked this before, but I need something to construct a timeline of the top news stories since Bush was inaugurated in 2001 so I can make IMWs covering the periods previously unparodied by me. Help on that would be greatly appreciated.
Headline Fun III
Yay! Headline Fun™!
Australia: Terrorists to target Hilton hotel in Indonesia
“Luckily we’re not Indonesia, eh Bruce?” Australians say.
* * * *
Study: US lags behind other countries in math and science
Dumb, rich, and powerful – that’s the America I love.
* * * *
Alleged Paula Zahn Stalker Arrested
Bill O’Reilly stalker shouted down.
* * * *
Iraq Asks Some of Saddam’s Soldiers to Return to Work
“So whose gonads are we shocking first?” they ask.
* * * *
Hamas Cancels Annual Rally, Fearing Israeli Strike
Terrorist picnic canceled after weather forecast showed a 60% chance of crusie missiles.
* * * *
Bomb Said to Kill 7 at Iraqi Shrine
But bombs say lots of things when they’re drunk.
* * * *
Speier to try again for law on teens’ use of steroids
Law will only let teens use steroids if they pull their damn pants up.
* * * *
UC police kill man who fired at them
Activists now sue for guns to have warning labels reading, “May be lethal if pointed at cops.”
Here are some even funnier ones from my readers from yesterdays’s post (basil seems to be the star so far):
The IMAO 2004 Christmas CD Spectacular
Have you got your Christmas CD yet? They’re shipped the same day you order them, but you don’t have long to order this limited edition IMAO spectacular produced by me and Scott McCollum and get it in time for Christmas. The CD includes:
* All previous audio bits in high quality CD sound. Own a piece of IMAO history so that, years from now when your grandchildren will ask who was John Kerry and why was he a goober, you can show them this. Ham!
* Three new audio bits: Career Day: Buck the Marine, Career Day: Donald Rumsfeld, and Zarqawi Steals Christmas — an over five minute epic audio bit where Bush has to save Christmas from the terrorists.
* The long awaited (but well worth it) Happy Dance in 720×480 mpeg format with cool special effects using my brand new video editing software. This includes an intro giving context to the Happy Dance and surprises I won’t reveal. If you aren’t super happy after watching the Happy Dance, then you are incapable of happiness. (NOTE: To have posted the Happy Dance on my blog at any decent quality would have blown away my bandwidth restrictions, so this seemed the best way to get it to you – and I like money.)
Here is a montage (MONTAGE!) of clips from the new audio bits.
And here is one teaser image to the happy dance. To reveal more would be criminal.
Me, about to explode into happiness.
It’s only $10 (plus $2 shipping and handling), so order now so you’ll have a Merry Christmas, a Chappy Chanukah, or a Kwazy Kwanza.
Click to see larger version
UPDATE: We’re not quite ready for international orders, unfortunately. If you live out of the states, contact THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMaces like the U.K. before Christmas, though.
Bite-Sized Wisdom December 15, 2004
- Before I even had a chance to check my e-mail and get my first sip of coffee, I solved the problem for a circuit board that had us a banging our heads against the wall all yesterday. Man, I’m on like an engineering high right now.
- Wow, and my blog brought in over $3000 in revenue last month (by far, most of it the W2 shirt). I decided it was time to take down the donation buttons. Anyhoo, the news…
- Peterson was sentenced to death and will finally get his due… in twenty or thirty years. Wouldn’t it be cool if death sentence played out like this:
JUDGE: The defendant has been sentenced to death. Bailiff?
Bailiff pulls out a gun and shoots the defendant where he stands.
JUDGE: Next case!
- Getting your client sentenced to death… that can’t look good on a resume. Geragos might have to offer coupons to entice new clients.
- So Harry Reid – who hates black people – and Nancy Pelosi – who I think was just convicted of murder – support Tim Roemer – who I’ve never heard of – to head the DNC. Hopefully he’ll lead the DNC in a bold new direction, giving up this politics which they aren’t good at and instead forming a chain of waffle houses.
- So, it looks like Iran and Syria are backing terrorists in Iraq. Talk about getting behind the losing team; maybe they’ll be backing the Miami Dolphins in the future.
- The FCC is considering letting there be internet on Airplanes. It’s so sad, that, as soon as you get strapped into tons of metal and sent rocket through the air at 500mph, it’s like you’re back in the stone age.
- A missile defense test failed, but the failure was that it didn’t launch. So, who know, it might have hit the target. Can you prove otherwise?
- “Chemical” Ali is going to be the first Iraqi to face trial. I wonder if the prosecution will be able to call him “Chemical” Ali during the trial, or would that be considered unfairly influencing the jurors? Are nicknames always disallowed in trials?
“So, did you murder the victim, Murder’n Carl?” - CNN Headline: “Wife regrets man’s huge lottery win”
Further proof you just can’t please women, so don’t even try. - Senator McCain says he has “no confidence” in Rumsfeld. McCain then posed and smiled for all the cameras that followed him. In related news, Rumsfeld says he has “no mercy” for media whores.
- An attorney is having a fit that a judge is wearing a robe with the Ten Commandment written on it… but the case is about drunken driving. There’s like totally nothing in the Commandments about drinking and driving (and I checked all ten), so it’s safe to assume God approves of us getting sloshed.
- A jokester wore a bin Laden mask, wielded a pellet gun, and, surprisingly, got himself shot by a cab driver. Hey, that is funny.
- The incident was in Costa Rica, and the police didn’t even bother detaining the cab driver. So Costa Rica apparently is more advanced than England (and many areas in the U.S.) about recognizing and allowing rational thought and action in the area of self-defense.
- Keep voting for me in the blog category of the about.com 2004 Political Humor Awards. The contest right now is actually between me and Wonkette.
- There’s a book to give away in my contest today, and one more tomorrow (Right Wing News is still giving them out, too). Keep on your toes.
- The fun with headlines posts (one two) seem to be a big hit. I’ll keep picking out my favorites from previous posts and feature them along with a few more of my own. Then you have at it in the comments. Good job making me laugh, ronin.