It’s not as good as the happy dance video, but you get to see how the Bush administration is at acting. Go to the White House webpage to see it.
Archive of entries posted on 16th December 2004
Better Than a Lump of Coal for a Liberal
Autographed Books
For all the contest winners, your book orders have been placed.
For everyone who didn’t win, it’s probably a good idea to order soon if you’d want to get one as a gift in time for Christmas.
(BTW, when I get my book out, I’ll make sure there’s a way to get an autographed copy… I probably should start working on that now…)
No One Can Be Told What the Happy Dance Is; He Has to See It for Himself
Scott McCollum has this message about the IMAO Christmas 2004 CDs:
Wow, the IMAO Christmas 2004 CDs are going fast… To those who have already ordered THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Frank is on track to sell all of the limited edition CDs by the end of the week. If you haven’t ordered yet and want a CD for Christmas, you may want to think about ordering before Sunday December 19th.
NOTE: For any IMAO Fans in the United Kingdom that want to purchase a CD, please order before Friday 17 December 2004 to receive your copy by Christmas. Unfortunately, all orders received after 12:00 A.M. GMT on 16 December 2004 will not be filled.
When you people get them, please tell me what you thought of the new content and especially of the Happy Dance. DON’T post any spoilers about the Happy Dance; I want everyone who sees it to be surprised… surprised with happiness!
Description of the full contents of CD, a montage (MONTAGE!) of clips of the new audio, and a teaser image for the Happy Dance is here.
Funds go towards future IMAO projects, so order soon and have a merry Christmas!
The Brain of the Muckadoo
I was looking at this post on The DailyKos, and the reaction to it by the muckadoos is amazingly moronic. It’s like they think that no father has ever died in a war before (or anywhere else). Their whole “logic” is that, because something tragic happened in a war, that proves it was wrong. Oy. Someone get them a Cluebat™. Through no fault of his own, Bush has apparently driven a number of people completely nuts.
My advice: pray for their sanity and get a concealed carry permit. These people do walk the streets. You are warned…
Real Death Penalty Reform Means Bringing Back Execution by Pit of Doom
An Editorial by Frank J.
With Scott Peterson being sentenced to death, more people are focusing on the topic of the death penalty. Since that penalty is subject to numerous appeals and can take twenty years or more to carry out (or never get carried out at all because of DNA “evidence”; meh), the death penalty is not a good enough deterrent and very costly.
“How dare you defy The Pit of Doom!”
Back in the olden days, things were different. If someone was sentenced for stealing chickens, the judge would intone, “Take him to the pit… The Pit of Doom!” and justice was carried out swiftly as the thief was thrown into the ominous pit of unknown depths and unknown horrors. What was in The Pit of Doom? No one knows, for The Pit is a mysterious thing. Judging from the screams of those thrown inside, it is filled with many things of unspeakable terror. It is best to leave these things unknown to God-fearing people.
Eventually these pits became neglected and had trash thrown in them more often than criminals. Still, they can be refurbished and used again. Most I know of are located in the Middle East and Africa, but I think there is also one in Wisconsin. It was used by the Native Americans American Indians Those People Who Were in America Before the Colonists Went Slaughter Crazy to sentence wrong doers who broke the ancient rules of their tribes (like counting cards at Blackjack). Eventually missionaries shut it down because you know how stuffy missionaries are about things like “pits” and “doom.”
I say we reopen the pit of doom. Think of how that will change sentencing. The jury will walk out and say, “We sentence the defendant to…” Then all the lights in the court will dim. “The Pit of Doom!”
“No! Not The Pit of Doom!” the criminal will scream, instead of that usual blank stare during sentencing.
“Yes, The Pit– of Doooom!” the juror will answer (that part is optional).
Then the criminal will be led out screaming and thrown into the pit. Soon his screams will be heard no more.
Other great things about execution by Pit of Doom is that it refutes many of the current objections about death penalty. Many say the worst thing about the death penalty is that it can’t be reversed if it was done by mistake, but, with The Pit of Doom, no one can be sure the person was executed. To find out, you’d have to go into The Pit of Doom yourself… and you would not return! Were one ever to survive The Pit of Doom, he would be exonerated of his crimes.
Such a thing has never happened, though.
So lobby your Congressman to bring back The Pit of Doom. It… What? You do not like my idea? How dare you defy The Pit of Doom! Perhaps you will think differently when you see it up close…
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “Reverse Psychology and It’s Uses: You’re Probably Too Dumb to Read this Book, So Don’t Even Bother Trying” and “The Christmas Meltdown: Why Our Consumerism Culture is All Jesus’ Fault”.
I Thought All Balms Were Lip Balms
Yes, it’s true; over the weekend I did use Tiger Balm on my lips (SarahK could have stopped me at any point). And look at the results (I love the second picture; make sure to see the larger version).
I Thought Spree Was a Type of Candy
What’s funnier than joking about going on a killing spree of Republicans?
Probably knock knock jokes.
Wait, I think my original question was rhetorical. Anyway, a faculty member at University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point wrote a satirical column about the aforementioned subject, and I’d condemn it more if I were more sure I hadn’t written jokes about killing sprees myself. Anyone feel like checking my archives?
The Final Contest Post
I… What am I doing? You’re not even reading this. You’re quickly commenting and seeing if you won? Done? Good.
Well, I’d like to thank Premiere Speakers Bureau for holding this contest. If you have speaker needs or are a college student who can help bring in speakers, I hope you’ll keep them in mind. In the least, look them over and see all the different speakers they offer. I’ll be sending out the list to them of winners as soon as I get the final one’s information, and you should get your books in time for Christmas.
Everyone else, you can still order autographed books for great Christmas gifts. I’ve decided to go with the Ann Coulter book; she scares me and should probably make for an entertaining – albeit polemic – read.
And, like that, the contest ends. Be honorable, ronin.
