You could win a free book just by being the first person to post comments.
You could win a brand new book with Ann Coulters picture and autograph!!
You could be the first on your block to brag about having Ann’s autograph.
You could.
But you won’t because I don’t do contests.
Sorry. But if you were to shoot the monkey or choose the right bill on the money tree.. you could win dozens of dollars…just not here at IMAO.
Actually, I promised Frank I wouldn’t do anymore Spam posts.
Pretend you never saw this.
Oh, what the heck. I don’t want to get you all excited for nothing. Click here for some hot Babe Action!!
(Totally safe for work. In the privacy of your own home – well – that’s your business)
RightWingDuck here – Sir Kisser and I are working on some things that should get a fairly good chuckle out of you.
Stay tuned.

Heh. It’s cool to come to my own blog for new humor. Some great humor here from my own hand selected elite bloggers including Harvey and Ducky (who should post later) who have guest blogged before. New are Sir Kisser of this hilarious parody blog plus blogging legend Laurence Simon. Well, legend may be stretching it, but he’s a prolific blogger who has been around a lot longer than me.
Anyway, for those who are reading this and not just desperately trying to comment first to get the free book, I’ll tell you that I saw Oliver North, of Premiere Speakers Bureau’s exclusive speakers, back during my Freshman year of college. Now, since I went to an engineering college, we were not the most politically aware campus, but it was standing room only for him. Oliver North is one of the first political figures I ever heard of since Mad Magazine like to make fun of him.
Anyhoo, it started with some college kid (from Pitt, not CMU) shouting at the top of his lungs so loud you couldn’t understand what he was saying. He announced he wouldn’t leave until the police took him away, and the police obliged. North wasn’t even fazed for a second, and played off of it well. Wish I could remember more details of his speech, but he had question at the end in which some white kid stood up and said he had visited China and didn’t see any of this oppression North had spoke. North then so verbally devastated the guy he was mumbling in the end.
That was cool
Well, later I’ll have to tell you about my limited experience about getting big speakers for your college if you’re a college student.
Be honorable, ronin, and enjoy the guest blogging.

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
First some housekeeping:
Vote for Frank for best humor blog.
Vote for Meryl for Best of the Top 100 – 250 Blogs. She promised me unspecified favors if she wins, because I got Frank to change his endorsement from me to her.
I like favors.
Moving on… Someone recently informed me that Christmas is coming. I’ve never heard of this… “holiday“… so I did a little research and discovered the following
FUN FACTS ABOUT CHRISTMAS
Christmas celebrates the anniversary of the birth of Jesus Christ. Since he was Jewish, he was circumcised 8 days later, which anniversary we now commemorate with the holiday OW!OW!OW!mas
The beloved holiday icon Santa Claus originally wore a green outfit, which he changed to red after joining the Communist Party.
Christmas specials which show Santa’s workshop at the North pole often include penguins. This is factually incorrect, since penguins are native to the SOUTH pole, where, coincidentally, Santa’s evil twin brother Satan Claus has HIS workshop.
He mostly makes fruitcakes – the most concentrated form of evil known to man.
Tree decorating originated with tree-worshipping Druids, whose modern descendants mostly just bitch about globalization and throw garbage cans through windows at Starbucks.
Santa Claus doesn’t make all the Christmas presents himself. Most of the work is done by elves who are much smaller than Santa.
Yeah, he’s compensating for something.
Elves weren’t always small. They used to all be tall and lithe like Orlando Bloom, but eventually they decided they’d rather be short and hairy than tall and femmy-looking.
If an elf bites you, you become one.
Considering how much tail Orlando Bloom is getting these days, that might not be such a bad thing.
Not everyone celebrates Christmas. Jews, (like Meryl, for whom you should vote) celebrate Hanukkah, which commemorates some magic oil that burned for 8 days. Oddly, this is not the same “OIIIIIILLLLL!” that the Iraq war is all about.
Terrorists in Fallujah don’t celebrate Christmas, either. Mostly because they’ve been killed by Americans.
Serves ’em right for faking being dead. Stupid terrorists.
Rastafarians celebrate Christmas by smoking marijuana on Christmas day.
And every other day.
Some families open their presents on Christmas Eve. Some families open their presents on Christmas morning. This or slavery was the cause of the Civil War.
Santa’s sleigh is pulled by reindeer, which are just like regular deer, except somewhat larger and more likely to collapse the roof of your car after they bounce off your hood.
Santa’s reindeer can also fly, probably because they’re Rastafarians.
The French celebrate Christmas by decorating trees and surrendering to them.
The original version of the poem “A Visit From St. Nicholas” listed the reindeer’s names as Smasher, Dandruff, Mincer, Nixon, Vomit, Pooper, Downer, and Blitzkrieg, but these were later changed after numerous complaints to the FCC.
The tradition of kissing under the mistletoe originated to allow married men to make out with their mistresses at office parties, and survives today despite the invention of the broom closet.
Bing Crosby starred in “White Christmas”. Bling-Bling Crosby starred in “Hot Black Studs in Action”. Try not to get those two confused if you’re at Blockbuster searching for family entertainment this holiday season.
Although I have heard that your Aunt Mabel is a HUGE Bling-Bling Crosby fan.
A “Christmas Club” is a savings account in which a person deposits a fixed amount of money regularly to be used at Christmas for shopping. It’s also a stick used to beat up Salvation Army bell-ringers so you can steal their kettles.
I heard your Aunt Mabel has both.
The Friday after Thanksgiving is the second busiest shopping day of the year. The busiest is “Thank God Gas Stations Sell Roses Day”, AKA “Valentine’s Day”.
Every December, Americans mail out a combined total of 9 billion Christmas cards in an effort to keep in touch with loved ones. Which pisses me off because it always delays the delivery of the December issue of “Hefty Hooters” magazine.
Get your damn cards out of the way of my pr0n!
Before settling on the name “Tiny Tim” for the character’s name in “A Christmas Carol”, Charles Dickens also considered such names as Feeble Frank, Crippled Carl, Defective Dan, Hobbling Harry, Broke-ass Bob and Mutilated Marvin.
Eggnog is a traditional holdiday beverage made from eggs and named after the sound people make after having one too many of them.
Christmas was once a moveable feast celebrated at many different times during the year. The choice of December 25 was made by Pope Julius I in the 4th century A.D. so that he could get the day off to go skiing.
During the Christmas season, 1.76 billion candy canes will be made. 2.53 million of them will be stuck in naughty places.
Like kids putting them in the VCR & stuff.
GEEZ! What’d you think I meant?
Look, if you guys are going to let your minds roll around in the gutter like that, I’m just going back home to Bad Example, where that sort of thing never happens.
Or if it does, it’s considered normal, so no one really notices.

I’ve been bugging Frank about turning in a Dead Pool roster. Sometimes at three in the morning, I’ll sneak into his kitchen, and I’ll emboss threats into his breakfast cereal.
Despite my harassment campaign, he has yet to come up with fifteen names. Bu, you know,t it doesn’t take much time to read through his archives and figure out who his fifteen picks would be…
* Paul Begala of CNN’s Crossfire will be found facedown in a puddle of his own urine, clutching both Hillary and Bill Clinton’s autobiographies. Tucker Carlson will end up paired with Samuel L. Jackson, who will spend the entire half-hour of the show screaming for no reason whatsoever.
* Colin Powell will be walking down the street and all of the sudden POW! he’ll explode. No reason why, no explanation whatsoever. Chomps will be blamed, of course. Condi Rice will appear before the Security Council with the last remaining vial of Colin Powell, threatening the delegates with releasing the ash if they don’t vote to abolish Yemen.
* Aquaman might not be real, but he’s real enough to kill. Pretty much everything can kill Aquaman, so there’s no point in guessing. Just treat predicting Aquaman’s death like shaking a box to figure out what is inside. Was it poison? Was it a gun? Was it a papercut? Who knows!
* Kofi Annan of the United Nations is the coward’s coward, refusing to appear anywhere near the various conflicts that his incompetence has spawned or allowed to fester. He will hide out at a Pacers-Pistons game, where he’ll be struck by a deorbiting satellite. Joooooooooooooooooooooos!
* Jim McDermott and David Bonior will head to Canada, get married, and then wind up slaughtered as infidels when they try to spend their honeymoon in Damascus.
* Dan Rather will sign off for the last time in March, pull out a gun, and begin shooting the technical staff in the studio. He will blame Republicans for the berserk attack, screaming “From Hells’ heart I stab at thee, for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee!” as he flings himself out of a window to splatter against the Manhattan streets below.
* Andy Rooney thought that whining about the different kinds of pizza would be a good topic for the week. And then, there’s the “Best Pizza In Town” signs you see on all the pizza joints in Manhattan. So he went out for a walk and a slice of pizza, only to be struck dead by Dan Rather.
* Jacques Chirac will be caught spraypainting swastikas on a Jewish cemetery by a passing band of fundamentalist Muslims. They will point out to him that he’s spraypainting them backwards and behead him on the spot.
* Michael Moore will win the Oscar for Best Picture. Mel Gibson will challenge him to a duel to the death. Michael Moore will accept that duel. The weapons? Hamburgers at ten paces. They take ten steps, and Mel Gibson manages to eat more hamburgers than Michael Moore, who chokes on his last burger and dies.
* Ted Kennedy is really a werewolf! Run for your lives! Van Helsing! Van Helsing!
* Barbara Steisand will have donated all of her millions to the charities she thought that the federal government should be subsidizing. Depending on “Meet The Fokkers” residuals to survive, she starves to death.
* Ted Rall is eaten by Barbara Streisand. That’s how desperate she is, folks. She’s eating crappy cartoonists. How could you, Barbara! Ted’s not even Kosher!
* John Kerry will think that he needs to re-enlist and make himself appear like even more of a war hero for the 2008 election than he thought he appeared to be in 2004. As soon as he hits the tarmac at Bush Airport in Iraq, he is captured by Red Crescent “Irregulars” and harvested for organ transplants.
* The Moon will vanish in a puff of nuclear smoke.
Of course, the rules of the Dead Pool do not allow players to kill their picks unless they are acting in a capacity of law enforcement, authorized to do so in a military setting, or out of self-defense. And since we all know that Frank’s lifelong dream is to nuke the moon for world peace, this would disqualify him from the competition.
But still, wouldn’t that be a hoot? Nuking the moon?
Yeah, I’d make a three-day weekend out of it.