I’m one of the people FrankJ asked to guest blog while he is in Texas holding sarahk’s purse. Here goes . . .
* Cool. Both the Curse of the Bambino and the Spinal Tap Drummer Curse were done away with in the same year.
* I guess we won’t need that puppy stem cell blender after all. I call for an immediate cessation to all puppy blending research activities.
* Did you know that native peoples in the Western Hemisphere were barbarians, many of whom performed human sacrifices and were warlike and brutal? Well, I did because I grew up when they actually taught history in school. Since then, a touchy-feely idea has emerged that the native people’s had a utopia that white men disrupted. Contrary to popular current belief the natives weren’t trading wampum for peace pipes, fairy dust and sunshiny days. They were just like any other barbarian race–primitive, blood-thirsty and a hindrance to progress. I don’t weep for the lost native culture any more than I do for the extinction of the Visigoths, or the mass unemployment of blacksmiths and town heralds.
* Was your driveway filled with heavy snow during the last blizzard? Did your basement flood in the last storm? Did you ruin your dress shoes in a mud puddle? Well then, call 1-800-IAM SCUM because IT’S TIME TO SUE IN WORLD COURT! We’ll sue the neighbor across the street who burnt leaves last month. We’ll sue the guy on the other side of town driving around in a rusted out 1972 Ford LTD. We’ll sue the local plant where you work because it burns coal to make electricity. Sure, you’ll be out of a job and play a part in destroying the global economy, but you’ll get your nuisance suit settlement check.
* It can’t be a coincidence that on the same day the Vatican announced that it will hold a special “theoretical and practical course for Roman Catholic priests on Satanism and exorcism,” that Air America signed a new
two year contract with Franken. “Do you renounce Franken and all the spiritual forces of wickedness that rebel against God?”
* You can imagine my surprise, when my wife brought home a brutal snuff film from Blockbuster today.
* It’s a sad day when you can’t even peruse a porno magazine with an underage kid without wiping it (the magazine) down for
prints afterwards.
* You just know that Slick Willy is dying to try out his new pick up line at the New Years Eve party being held at his trailer house in the sky in Little Rock. He’s been practicing non-stop in the mirror: “You know ::biting lip:: 2005 is the year of the Cock.”
* I wonder if detecting “radioactive dirty bombs” counts against your minutes, and if so, do terrorists have a better chance of smuggling such a bomb into a major metropolitan area on a weekday during business hours when bomb detecting minutes are at a premium?
* Adding insult to injury. Don’t computer nerds have enough working against their procreation as it is?
* “Hi, welcome to KFC, may I take your order.”
“I would like a 3 piece meal, extra mutant, and a medium Hi-C.”
* Getting ready for a blind date: clean new shirt–check, cologne–check, flowers–check, cash from the ATM–check, Daniel kitten puppet–check?
i poop my pants
Did you know that many Europeans were barbarians, many of whom performed human sacrifices and were warlike and brutal?
why yes–and we killed them and took their land
FRANK! WHAT THE HELL MAN?!? SHOW SOME RESPECT AND REPORT THE DEATH OF DIMEBAG DARRELL! Or were you too much of a wussy to listen to good Texas metal? 🙂 I expect this to be corrected in the morning.
Ahem…the above also goes for all you guest bloggers as well….
Sir Kisser of what fame?
Funny…but not Frank J. funny.
“Honestly honey, I can’t get you pregnant, I’m sterlized from my laptop, and if you don’t believe me just ask Mr. Pinky the puppet”
Hi “one of the people FrankJ asked to guest blog while he is in Texas holding sarahk’s purse.”
Very nice entry. You are incredibly smart and erudite. I like the cut of your jib.
If you are thinking about taking over the blog while FrankJ is holding SarahK’s purse, count me in.
Toad:
Is that a mutant Cock Puppet?
Cell phone radiation detectors … this’ll be a lot of fun.
I went to a Radiation Safety Conference at Penn State. I was RSO at my facility (clinical testing lab – very low radiation levels) and attended the meeting with folks from Nuke power industry, manufacturing, and hospital radiation therapy.
The industrial nuke guys almost died when the Doctor’s were describing radioactive seed implants for cancer treatment. To paraphrase:
Dr. “We put this radioactive source in the brain tumor, and the patient goes home. We’ll remove it at the end of the treatment.”
Nukeman “You actually allow that level of radioactivity loose on the streets?!”
“You know, the guy sitting next to your patient on the bus will get a dose of radiation that, if he worked for us, we’d have to report to OSHA.”
Man, it’ll be hilarious. The police will raid the house of everyone that had a bone scan.
Nuclear medicine triggers security alarm
Ideal World
Freakshow Puppet Guy: “My hand. My hand. Ohmygod she shot my hand.”
Me: “Go away. You bother me.”
Nice policeman: “You got a permit for that little lady?”
Me: “Yes sir. Right here.”
Nice policeman: “Thank you m’am. You have a nice day now, y’hear? Come with me Freakshow Puppet Guy.”
What sloofus said.
http://zakkwylde.com/dimezakk.jpg
Who knew Jacko kept porn? You just know he feels dirty, since it actually contains nude–gasp!!!–women!!!
What kind of weirdo would actually BRING a sock puppet to a club? Where do you keep it when you’re not using it to impress the ladies?Obviously “Americas #1 Singles Expert” is the expert because he’s still single himself.
Maybe he thinks if guys start actually doing that, it will increase his own chances fractionally?
Aren’t bloggers the town heralds of today?
That first line isn’t funny because it’s true.
Is too Frank J.
It’s Daniel Tiger you blasphemer!
Mrow Mrow.