I hope Elisabeth Hasselbeck ends her last day on The View by cold-cocking Joy Behar. You know she’s been thinking about it for a while.

Hasselbeck is pretty dumb, but she was still the only one of the group smart enough to take on Rosie O’Donnell’s trutherism.

The easiest way to keep trolls and haters on the internet from getting to you is to be illiterate.

Never got pride about the Confederacy in the South. If I lost a war to a bunch of Yankee dandies, I’d never want anyone to ever bring it up.

Is it just me, or does Rand Paul seem like kind of risky wild card to get behind?

The focus of modern feminism on consequence free sex does make it seem like it was designed by horny teenage boys.

“You are being charged with assault. What do you say?”
“He used the phrase ‘bro-choice‘ and the headbutt was a reflex.”
“ACQUITTED!”

I’m glad the media made the Zimmerman trial this big racial thing. That will probably pay off really well.

When I had a job as a teenager I did not require a living wage.

My problem with democracy is that tyranny doesn’t cease to be tyranny because a million people are inflicting it on me instead of one.

It’s good the Pharaoh gave in after the angel of death visited, because the eleventh plague was going to be the Sharknado.

Shark Week comes in August. Hopefully the Discovery Channel will explain the science behind a Sharknado.

I hope the jurors in the Zimmerman trial aren’t so sequestered they can’t watch Sharknado.

I’m going to be so disappointed if I watch Sharknado and it’s a tornado made out of dogfish.

A thousand years from now, people will be judging our society based entirely on the movie Sharknado.

Has Obama released a statement on Sharknado yet? “If I had a tornado made from sharks, it would look like Sharknado.”

I would have watched an Inconvenient Truth if one of Al Gore’s predictions was a Sharknado.

You know it’s not good when Quint shows up to deliver the weather forecast.

Babies will display a natural, innate fear of spiders, snakes, and sharknados.

The next MAD will be a standoff between nations that have all weaponized the Sharknado.

When the sharks have suddenly stopped attacking you, that just means you’re in the eye of the Sharknado.

Since Sharknado is a SyFy movie, now what are they going to call the next Bond film?

“Do you expect me to talk?”
“No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die in a whirlwind of sharks.”