New & Improved Patriotic Music

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

Nerf Vulcan Cannon Sentry Gun – The Kinder, Gentler Terminator

She starts off with the technical specs – which you can watch if such things fascinate you. If you just want to see it in action, jump to 2:28:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #151,711)

Unless BP Is Drilling Nearby

A new study shows that living near the ocean is good for your health.

Great. Just waiting for the Obamacare beachfront property ownership mandate.

The Bacon of Government Certifications

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

Link of the Day: Satire – Obama to College Students: Do Not Celebrate Fourth of July

[High Praise! to The Liberty Paper]

Obama to College Students: Do Not Celebrate Fourth of July

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Dinosaurs Love Bus Whom

Whither the Nanny State?

While cracking down on salt, smoking, and sugary drinks, New York City’s bike-share program doesn’t require riders to wear a helmet.

It just has Bloomberg chasing behind, wagging his finger at you.

Paula Deen’s New Endorsement Deal

AP – Tennessee – After a seemingly endless rash of lost endorsement deals after having admitted to using the N-word in the past, there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel for Paula Deen.  Following days of closed door negotiations, representatives of both parties have agreed that Paula Deen will be one of the new celebrity spokemen for BET (Black Entertainment Television).

The BET representative expressed a great deal of excitement about bringing Paula Deen into the organization.  “When you think about it, she really fits in well with the many other faces of BET, like rappers and artists such as 50 Cent, Samuel Jackson and Quentin Tarrantino, who use the N-word routinely.  Not to mention that she will bring more diversity to the network and help us branch out to the largely forgotten cracker demographic.  We are sure that she will be able to bring all of her many talents to bear, especially at the company picnics where we anticipate watching her slave over her famous chicken and watermelon and watching her twerk dat a$$ during the talent competition.”

When asked to comment, Kanye West had this to say about the arrangement, “Yo, beep, beep, beep, beep ho beep beep beep, ya I’ll pop a cap in that white N******** beep.”

Obama Warned Us – Coming Together

We’ve come to be consumed by a 24-hour, slash-and-burn, negative ad, bickering, small-minded politics that doesn’t move us forward. Sometimes one side is up and the other side is down. But there’s no sense that they are coming together in a common-sense, practical, nonideological way to solve the problems that we face.

BARACK OBAMA, New York Times, Dec. 11, 2006

“So since Democrats are up right now, I’ll just keep ramming ridiculous, impractical, ideological laws down your throat.”

Another Ploy to Try to Stop Me from Nuking the Moon

Is this to try and stop me from nuking the moon? You think I won’t nuke the moon because there is a national park there? Ready the Nuke the Moon essay; I will nuke a national park. In fact, you have no idea the extent of things I will nuke for the cause of national safety.

Frank J. 2016: May the moon quake with fear.

Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Ordered Federal Employees to Report the Suspicious Actions of Their Colleagues. These Include…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama ordered federal employees to report the suspicious actions of their colleagues. These include…

Modern Feminism and Bro-Choice

So I’ve noticed for a while that feminism’s almost complete focus on things that allow consequence free sex — free contraception, abortion — makes it seem like it was designed by horny teenage boys, and now this bro-choice movement has arisen to illustrate that point. Quote a “male feminist”:

Your sex life is at stake. Can you think of anything that kills the vibe faster than a woman fearing a back-alley abortion? Making abortion essentially inaccessible in Texas will add an anxiety to sex that will drastically undercut its joys. And don’t be surprised if casual sex outside of relationships becomes far more difficult to come by.

I was almost convinced this was a hoax meant to illustrate the poor affects on society of the abortion culture, but apparently it’s legit. And that’s something to think about. The ideals of feminism was to lead women to a higher station in life, but what it’s done is instead lead them into bed with this total douche. If that’s not an indication of the total failure of the movement, I don’t know what is.

So here we are, arguing for late term abortion — infanticide, really — because it gets in the way of casual sex. This is not an indication of a well society… or one that will last. The human race won’t last cannibalizing itself for fleeting pleasure.

And any society that can use the word “bro-choice” with a straight face is not meant to exist.

Robot Snakes

RobotB9They’ve gone and invented Robot Snakes. That’s not the 21st century I was looking forward to.

You see, when I was a child, I remember the robot from Lost In Space. That was a cool robot. There were other robots on TV and in movies. Robby the Robot from Forbidden Planet, who also played a robotoid (whatever that was) on Lost In Space, was popular with many people.

In books, the robots of Isaac Asimov were pretty cool. And, maybe the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz was a robot. There was the chick-bot in Metropolis with the metal boobs. The gorilla in the diving helmet from Robot Monster. And, that reminds me of Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

I could go on and on, but the point is, we all saw a lot of robots over the years. Every kind of robot imaginable, right?

Wrong.

In January, I told you about the vomiting robots. Last month, we found about about the robot monkeys. Well, somebody has topped that. A bunch of folks from Carnegie Mellon University — do we know anybody from there? — have built robot snakes.

Yes, that’s right. Robot snakes. Frikkin’ robot snakes.

Really. It’s not a plot to a movie on SyFy. It’s a real thing and not some Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, LL Cool J, Eric Roberts movie.

So, maybe you’re thinking, hey, that’s cool. They’ll be able to snake their way (get it?) through some really difficult to reach places and, I don’t know, do robot stuff.

Sure. And guess where they’re deploying them? Nuclear plants.

That’s right. We’re soon going to be overrun with giant mutant radioactive robot snakes.

I think I’d rather deal with Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. Of course, that’s probably true about most things.

Random Thoughts: Hasselbeck, Feminism, and Sharknado

I hope Elisabeth Hasselbeck ends her last day on The View by cold-cocking Joy Behar. You know she’s been thinking about it for a while.

Hasselbeck is pretty dumb, but she was still the only one of the group smart enough to take on Rosie O’Donnell’s trutherism.

The easiest way to keep trolls and haters on the internet from getting to you is to be illiterate.

Never got pride about the Confederacy in the South. If I lost a war to a bunch of Yankee dandies, I’d never want anyone to ever bring it up.

Is it just me, or does Rand Paul seem like kind of risky wild card to get behind?

The focus of modern feminism on consequence free sex does make it seem like it was designed by horny teenage boys.

“You are being charged with assault. What do you say?”
“He used the phrase ‘bro-choice‘ and the headbutt was a reflex.”
“ACQUITTED!”

I’m glad the media made the Zimmerman trial this big racial thing. That will probably pay off really well.

When I had a job as a teenager I did not require a living wage.

My problem with democracy is that tyranny doesn’t cease to be tyranny because a million people are inflicting it on me instead of one.

It’s good the Pharaoh gave in after the angel of death visited, because the eleventh plague was going to be the Sharknado.

Shark Week comes in August. Hopefully the Discovery Channel will explain the science behind a Sharknado.

I hope the jurors in the Zimmerman trial aren’t so sequestered they can’t watch Sharknado.

I’m going to be so disappointed if I watch Sharknado and it’s a tornado made out of dogfish.

A thousand years from now, people will be judging our society based entirely on the movie Sharknado.

Has Obama released a statement on Sharknado yet? “If I had a tornado made from sharks, it would look like Sharknado.”

I would have watched an Inconvenient Truth if one of Al Gore’s predictions was a Sharknado.

You know it’s not good when Quint shows up to deliver the weather forecast.

Babies will display a natural, innate fear of spiders, snakes, and sharknados.

The next MAD will be a standoff between nations that have all weaponized the Sharknado.

When the sharks have suddenly stopped attacking you, that just means you’re in the eye of the Sharknado.

Since Sharknado is a SyFy movie, now what are they going to call the next Bond film?

“Do you expect me to talk?”
“No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die in a whirlwind of sharks.”

Similar Styles

In Maryland, two men tried to take the money out of an ATM by ramming it with their pickup truck.

Anyone else seeing an Obamacare metaphor here?