[High Praise! to Wizbang]
Most people who post this picture are pointing out that the Post Office box isn’t as nice as the private delivery companies boxes, but it’s just as important to note that the local library drop box is nice looking, too.
My point being that if you can’t privatize something, it’s at least better to let it be handled by the smallest government entity possible.
[High Praise! to I’m a Man! I’m 41!]
after knocking him to the ground, Martin straddled the racist stalker, started raining down punches and was doing his level best to pound his head into a bloody blob on the sidewalk. Again, this is without question — eyewitness reports confirm it.
Still, despite everything that we conceded in the first paragraph, at this point no crime had been committed besides the assault and battery by Trayvon Martin.
Alright, now replace George Zimmerman with Al Sharpton, Chris Matthews or Jesse Jackson. If they were laying their getting smashed by the 6’2″ 175 pound young man, would they have committed what they are claiming was 2nd degree murder?
YES!!!
If any of these so-called men say that if at that point they would not have shot Trayvon Martin to save their own sorry butts, they are lying.
[High Praise! to Think Geek]
Once upon a time, there was a bald guy who had a dream. Actually, we should be nice to Ty, our GeekLabs leader. He’s not entirely bald. (But he is evil at times.) Of course, someone beat us to attaching a real laser to a real shark. But we wanted something you could hold and enjoy with the whole evil family. Hence, the Shark with Frickin’ Laser Pointer was born.
Feel like you’ve just received your Doctorate of Evil Affairs when you whip out the Shark With Frickin’ Laser Pointer and use it in your next big meeting… or to exercise your cat. Now that this dream has come true, what’s next, baby?
[High Praise! to Arik of Nuking Politics, via McSweeney’s Internet Tendency]
Fragments from Weiner! The Musical.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Being an adult is being able to say, "You know what? I've looked at enough Google pics of monkeys in hats today. There's a tomorrow."
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) July 29, 2013
If you're going to a heckle a puppet show you have to do it with your own puppet
— sweaty five dollars (@iscoff) July 29, 2013
A good way to see if you can trust your barber is to tattoo a treasure map under your hair and see if they tell you about it during the cut.
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) July 29, 2013
I don't believe the 1st amendment should protect a reality contestant's right to describe their experience as "a journey."
— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) July 29, 2013
Old Wisdom: @MSNBC is pandering to the @dailykos audience New Reality: @msnbc is embarrassing the @dailykos audience
— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 29, 2013
The children of Sudan would be so glad to hear that you only purchase locally farmed dog food.
— Fun_Beard (@Fun_Beard) July 29, 2013
Patterico read an article about rules about talking about race — which were mainly that white people need to shut up and also not listen to the wrong black people (i.e., ones who are critical of parts of black culture). So Patterico tried to engage the author of the article on Twitter, and the results are quite illustrative of the problem these days of people who ask for a “conversation on race.”
As a society, we’re getting better on the issue of race — I’d say better than any other country out there — but there is a lot — a lot — of nonsense we still have to cut through.
We also believe that we have a larger responsibility to one another as Americans – that America is a place – that America is the place – where you can make it if you try. That no matter how much money you start with or where you come from or who your parents are, opportunity is yours if you’re willing to reach for it and work for it. It’s the idea that while there are few guarantees in life, you should be able to count on a job that pays the bills; health care for when you need it; a pension for when you retire; an education for your children that will allow them to fulfill their God-given potential.
BARACK OBAMA, speech, May 6, 2008
“And a government that will tax you, snoop on you, and fondle you at the airport. Yay! America!”
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “To Prevent Future Vandalizing of Historic Landmarks, President Obama…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
NOTE: The commenting system at NP isn’t the most intuitive thing around, but there’s actually an easy way to use it. Try this:
After you type your comment, click the down-arrow next to “Comment as” and select “Name/URL”
In the resulting dialog box, just type in your name and click “Continue”. It’s perfectly ok to leave the URL field blank if:
a) You don’t have a blog
b) You’re in a hurry
c) You’re feeling lazy
d) You’re being hunted by the NSA for revealing sensitive information related to a domestic spying program and you fear the government may be monitoring the comments at NP
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Jimmy Carter is planning to visit North Korea, where he will…
So both NBC and CNN are planning on doing a Hillary movie which I can only guess will be basically campaign ads for her 2016 presidential run. So I’m wondering if FOX News would want to have its own much more accurate Hillary movie? If so, I’d be willing to write the script. Here’s some sample dialog from the screenplay I’m working on.
* * * *
BILL: “Will you marry me?”
HILLARY: “Fine!”
[Bill Clinton cheers and runs off.]
HILLARY: “He may be a hillbilly sexual predator, but he’ll be the prefect vehicle in my rise to power!”
* * * *
HILLARY: “I can’t wait for my plan for government-run health care gets passed. Then I’ll be able to deny care to my political enemies. Muh ha ha ha!”
* * * *
HILLARY: “If you rape someone, Bill, make sure she doesn’t talk! This could ruin my naked power grab! Didn’t you learn anything from Ted Kennedy? Dead women don’t talk.”
* * * *
BILL: “You shot him! You killed Vince Foster!”
HILLARY: “Stop being such a wuss.”
BILL: “You have to control that temper of yours. Well, I’m not helping you with this body. You have to take care of this one yourself.”
* * * *
HILLARY: “Dammit! Chelsea wants more money or she’ll expose our loveless marriage of political convenience!”
* * * *
BILL: “Hmm… I wonder if I need to spend more time trying to find this bin Laden guy…”
HILLARY: “No! Absolutely not! I don’t want you wasting time on al Qaeda! We need to prepare for my Senate run!”
* * * *
GORE: “Look at the internet I made.”
HILLARY: “That’s a waffle iron.”
GORE: “I made it too. OW! THE INTERNET BURNED ME!”
[Al Gore scampers off]
HILLARY: “So that fool will run for president and lose, allowing me the space to eventually go from Senator to president. And nothing can stop me! Muh ha ha ha!”
* * * *
HILLARY: “I’ll tell you what I think of this Obama upstart…”
[rest of scene cut due to racial sensitivity]
* * * *
HILLARY: “What? He’s going to make me Secretary of State?! I wanted vice president! The number of ‘accidents’ it would take to get me from Secretary of State to president would be far too suspicious. Damn him!”
* * * *
HILLARY: “No, Chelsea, I don’t love you or your father. I love POWER!”
* * * *
HILLARY: “I will be the first woman president. Nothing is more powerful than my ambition or my master, Satan.”
* * * *
I can’t know exactly what was said, so I had to make educated guesses on a lot of these lines. So, anyway, FOX News, are you interested? I guarantee it will be the most accurate portrayal of Hillary Clinton. I will take some artistic license, though, and make Socks the cat talk.
When I first heard there were vampire robots, I thought, “Great, another Twilight movie.”
But, no, it’s a real thing. Some company called Veebot is building machines to suck your blood.
It’s for medical reasons, they say:
- 20-25% of all venipuncture procedures fail to draw blood on the first stick.
- Approximately 2 million needlestick injuries are reported every year. Meanwhile, 40-75% of needlestick injuries go unreported.
- Mislabeled blood samples from venipuncture lead to about 170,000 adverse events in hospitals a year, ultimately costing hospitals $200-400 million annually.
The downside? Imagine what’ll happen if a robot gets a taste for blood.
The upside? They don’t sparkle.
Has Pope Francis come up with his official papal catchphrase yet? My suggestion: “You just got pope-slapped!”
Though I had a lot of heated arguments with it, my NES never spied on me.
I’m guessing the Metal Solid Gear movie will have less non-interactive cutscenes than the average Metal Gear Solid game.
Everyone sure loves the new pope. I wonder how long that is going to last.
FOX News should do a Hillary movie. That could be fun. I’ll write.
We need a national conversation on race, but black people criticizing black culture and all white people need to shut up.
Voter ID is a great issue for Democrats to make noise on because they know both fraud and racial animosity disproportionately benefits them.
Less craven people would focus on getting photo IDs for all the people lacking them considering the many many things you need them for.
When a government’s budget doesn’t add up, shouldn’t the first thing to be cut be pensions and benefits for the elected officials?
I’ll seriously write the script for the FOX News Hillary movie. I’m going to take some artistic license, though, and make Socks the cat talk.
In the comments to this post, blarg [High Praise!] succintly nutshells the Trayon-lover position:
Criminals have the right to threaten people and force them to retreat, have access to government handouts and the entire weight of not only the justice system but the “social justice mob” and all I have is a duty to run away and pay for it all.
