The Pelosi Equivalent of “It’s a Cookbook!”

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

[title reference link]

Still a Problem in Need of a Solution

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #2,597,653)

The site for purchasing this is dead & gone, but here’s a look at it courtesy of The Internet Archive Wayback Machine.

Hey… I’m Doing MY Part to Keep the Country Safe

Students at George Mason University signed a pro-spying petition asking President Obama to watch Fox News employees.

Ya know, based on the ratings, I’d say most Americans already do that.

Sorry, Progressives, I Don’t Believe This

(Submitted by Anonymiss of Nuking Politics [High Praise!])

Link of the Day: Satire – Army Announces New Occupational Specialties; Includes Decruiters, Clearing Barrel NCO

[High Praise! to The Duffel Blog]

Army Announces New Occupational Specialties; Includes Decruiters, Clearing Barrel NCO

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wish *I* Could Hang Out With the Popular Kids

In California, a pro-gun-control rally drew a whopping crowd of three people.

I’m just surprised they weren’t mugged by some guy because he knew they’d be unarmed.

You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “The Price of Gold Tumbled to a 3-Year Low. Also Rapidly Losing Value…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Obama Warned Us – Race

Race is still a powerful force in this country. Any African American candidate, or any Latino candidate, or Asian candidate or woman candidate confronts a higher threshold in establishing himself to the voters … Are some voters not going to vote for me because I’m African American? Those are the same voters who probably wouldn’t vote for me because of my politics.

BARACK OBAMA, Los Angeles Times, Dec. 11, 2006

“Let me be clear: vote for me or you’re a racist.”

I am Joe – Snowden

I am Joe.

I saw Edward Snowden on the news.  It said he had a stripper girlfriend. But I can not see her because I don’t not have the internets password for the big people.  I can only go to Dora pages.  And NPR.  Sasha said he told the chinamens our secrets.  That was not smart.  I would have traded for chinamen secrets too.  But nanna already knows how to do my laundry good, so maybe we don’t need the ancient chinamen secrets.

Sasha said he told everyone that the NSA is listening to our calls and our e-mails.  I asked her what is the NSA, and she said it was the Naughty Spanking Association.  It was their job to find naughty people and spank them hard with a wooden spoon.  Or a belt.  That is why they are listening to everyones calls to find the naughty people.  You haven’t been naughty, have you?  Oh no!  I have been naughty!  I sended a e-mail to Speaker ‘Boner’ with a coupon for vigra and texted Missus Boss that she was a poopy head because she wouldn’t not let me see the stripper girlfriend or have dessert.  Now I am scared.  I don’t want to be spanked hard with a wooden spoon or a belt. I am going to Dragon Chow’s Super Happy Lucky Buffet to see if they will hide me for more secrets.

I am Joe.

Straight Line of the Day: President Obama’s Plan to Catch Edward Snowden…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama’s plan to catch Edward Snowden…

Celebrity Memos

MEMO

From: Alec Baldwin
To: Paula Deen
Re: Language

Paula! Love your stuff. Gotta say, though, you really stepped in it. That’s gotta hurt when things comes out that you never figured would see the light of day.

Let me offer you some unsolicited advice. Next time some little pissant gets under your skin, say something like “I’m gonna find you, you toxic little queen, and I’m gonna f*** … you … up.” And, for good measure, add “If put my foot up your f***ing a**, but I’m sure you’d dig it too much.”

See? You get the anger out of your system, and nobody says a peep! Well, nobody of any consequence.

Anyway, love your stuff.

Call me.

Alec

PS: What’s in your wallet?

Fortunately, No Polar Bears Were Harmed in the Incident

In Alaska, a 63-year-old man was pulled over and arrested for allegedly driving a motorized shopping cart while under the influence of alcohol.

Seems kinda harsh, but the law’s the law: no drunken cart-driving without golf clubs in the back.