Is it to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women?
Possibly.
But the anguished wails of hippies mourning over dead trees is, at the very least, a close second:
[hat tip: American Digest]
Archive of posts filed under the Environment category.
RACIST!
Some stuffy Brit said:
“Meat is a wasteful use of water and creates a lot of greenhouse gases. It puts enormous pressure on the world’s resources.”
Being made of meat myself, I find that remark offensive.
Not Sure How This Helps
Somewhere back when That One was suckering people for their votes, he mocked McCain’s proposed summer gas tax holiday because it would only save “about 25, 30 dollars“.
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Now that he’s President, he’s offering a National Park Fee holiday, where – on three select weekends this summer – you won’t have to pay to get into any National Park.
Fees range from $3 to $25.
Now, I hate slipping the government even the thinnest of dimes for anything, so I’m all for ANY instance of not having to render unto Caeser. However, I’d like to point out that this program is utterly useless, other than as a political publicity stunt.
I’ll explain.
It’s like those schemes to punish oil companies for high gas prices by not buying gas on some particular day. People don’t actually use less gasoline, they simply shift the date of purchase to a day earlier or later than normal. The same amount of gasoline is sold either way, so oil companies don’t lose any money.
In this case, nobody’s going to make a special trip to a National Park on “no fee” day. All that will happen is that some people who were going to visit National Parks this summer anyway (mostly tree-hugging, Obama-voting liberals who only like nature when somebody else pays for its upkeep) are going to re-schedule their visits for the free weekends. Total visitorship won’t increase. Tourism won’t increase. And the government will go deeper into debt because it still has to pay National Park staff the same wages whether it collects fees or not.
So what he SHOULD do is permanently double the fees on all National Parks.
Why?
Because going to a park is a choice, just like smoking, and he raised taxes on that, even though it disproportionately affects the po’ folks who vote for him.
Also because park-goers are a HUGE burden on our health care system. They get lost, need rescuing, starve, dehydrate, break legs, get eaten by bears, and get itchy bums while being naughty in the poison ivy.
I think it’s about time they paid their fair share.
Well, It’s, Um… It’s Green
Not sure how this found its way to my inbox, but I got an e-mail suggesting that I should put some sort of retarded greenie ‘cool badge’ on my blog. This one caught my eye:
“Green. It’s the new black”
Are you f@#$ing kidding me?
As a humor-hack of the lowest order, I can certainly appreciate beating to powder the dessicated bones of a 26-year-old meme, however, I can’t help thinking they should’ve worked just a little harder to include a miniscule smidge of honesty.
I expect a lot of readers feel the same way, so to kill time on a weekend, your assignment is to fill in the blank in the following sentence:
“Green. It’s the new _______”
I’ll get you started, you keep it running in the comments:
* Socialism
* Dumbass
* “We Are The World”
* Smug
* Purse-Chihuahua
* Vietnam
* Endandered Species Act
* Multiculturalism
* iPod
* Change
Your turn…
Quote of the Day
The mental image I will have in my head from now on, any time I hear the word “green“:
When it is broken down, the philosophy of environmentalism is the philosophy of life on earth without humanity at all. Green becomes the color of a forest that grows over unmarked graves.
Here’s a visual aid for the mental-image impaired:
Straight From the Hippie’s Mouth
Obama can ride around in his 8 gallons-to-the-mile limo and blather on about how the whole world can just live off wind, solar, and unicorn power, but a Canadian hippie who actually TRIED to live without petroleum had this to say:
If there is any conclusion I have it is that sustainable and renewable energy sources cannot support our current lifestyle. What people think is a small amount of energy is actually quite the opposite. Think of it this way. A liter of gasoline will drive a car about 25 kilometers -now push your car that distance and see what one liter of gasoline is actually worth.
By the way, did you know that dead bug buildup on windmill blades can significantly reduce their efficiency? “Windmill blade bug scrubber” is just one of the millions of green jobs Obama plans to create.
10 Simple Things You Can Do To Save The Earth
Some helpful tips for Earth Day:
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1) Save the rainforests! The wood will come in handy for building re-education camps for right-wing extremists.
2) Build a windmill. Not only will it provide electricity, it’s also good for killing birds, which you can fry up on your solar panels. Mmmm… fried eagle.
3) Encourage everyone you know to ride bicycles, then steal their tires and burn them to heat your house.
4) Save the whales! We may need to start using their oil again.
5) Plastic bottles last forever in a landfill. Coat them with several layers of lead paint before throwing them out to keep BPA’s from leaching into the groundwater.
6) Only buy organic vegetables which use no pesticides. Being pre-chewed by bugs makes them easier to digest. Sorta like being fed by a mama bird.
7) Eat fish only from mercury-contaminated waters. If you don’t, then mercury will accumulate in their bodies until they become completely made out of liquid metal and begin assuming the form of loved ones in order to hunt us down and kill us.
8) Don’t drive when you can bike. And lubricate the chain with whale oil.
9) Instead of throwing away food scraps, toss them into a compost pile in your back yard. The compost can be used to replenish soil nutrients in your garden, while the compost pile itself will attract rats, which you can shoot for target practice and leave where they lie to create more compost. Circle of life!
10) Support the Endangered Species Act, which protects animals with dwindling numbers so that their population can recover so that they can be taken off the list so that they can be quietly hunted to extinction without jack-booted government thugs interfering with the natural order of things.
How will YOU save the planet today?
Earth Hour – The Video of Truth
Global-Warming Cultists? Screw ‘Em… Celebrate Human Achievement Hour – UPDATED 3-28-09
The neo-cavemen of the “1022 tons of rock is TOTALLY fragile” movement want you to turn your lights out between 8:30 and 9:30pm tonight.
To which I respond with a heartfelt “bite me”.
I’m going to celebrate Human Achievement Hour, instead.
In response to which I’m sure the 21st century hippie losers will snivel “Oh yeah? What’s there to celebrate? What have human beings ever achieved?”
Got 3 minutes?:
Personally, I’m going to celebrate by taking a minute to appreciate the taken-for-granted miracles of human civilization that surround me:
* This stupid blog post? Yeah, I’m writing words… with LIGHT! Even Gandalf never pulled that one off.
* Sure, the elves had that freaky little “vision pool” going on, but my 40-inch plasma flatscreen does the same damn thing, except in hi-def.
* The computer I’m writing this on (with LIGHT!) contains exactly zero natural or organic materials. I’ll bet that stupid hippie Steve Jobs cries himself to sleep every night just thinking about that.
* If I jump in my SUV right now, I can be 60 miles away from here an hour later. Basically it’s just really slow teleportation.
* If wolves could do that, I’d stop hunting them from airplanes just out of respect.
* I’m gonna play a CD. Look! I’m making music… with LIGHT!
* My cell phone… actually, I’m gonna turn that off because you’re busy reading, and having it pop off with “It’s Raining Men” right now would probably annoy the crap out of you.
* SIT! my domesticated dog, son of wolves who weren’t hunted from airplanes.
* Twitter… is just self-indulgent twaddle. The hippies can shut that down if they want. Of course, if they did, they might get bored and do stuff that leaves big, carbony footprints. You know, like work or bathing.
* Zo – totally not a slave anymore.
How are YOU gonna celebrate?
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PS – Regarding the last Earth Hour post… I wasn’t able to rework the Earth Hour video with appropriately ominous background music, because I still don’t have video skills or software. However, if you have some time to kill, you can do a manual mashup that I thought worked pretty well.
Load up the Earth Hour video, pause it at the 30 second mark, and mute the sound (click the speaker icon to the right of the time stamp).
Download this mp3 of “In the Hall of the Mountain King” from WFMU’s Beware of the Blog. Fire it up and pause at zero seconds.
Start the music then the video as near simultaneously as you can, and watch the Earth Hour video.
How’s that?
UPDATE 3-28-09:
Krig the Viking suggests another excellent mashup:
Pause the Earth Hour video at 26 seconds, and start Holst’s “Mars: The Bringer of War” (at 0 seconds).
It’s like these old, dead, music guys knew this was coming.
When Has The Phrase “A Darkness Spread Across The Land” Ever Been Followed By “And They Lived Happliy Ever After”?
First rule of blogging: Don’t quote Ayn Rand.
Not that her writing’s not rife with excellently-stated points, it’s just that she never once constructed a sentence that could stand alone without its surrounding context.
But I break that rule now, because something unspeakable is looming on the horizon, and quoting Atlas Shrugged is the only adequate way I can think of to put my abject horror into words.
Earth Hour 3 approaches.
Please indulge me:
“There were not many lights on the earth below. The countryside was an empty black sheet, with a few occasional flickers in the windows of some government structures, and the trembling glow of candles in the windows of thriftless homes. Most of the rural population had long since been reduced to the life of those ages when artificial light was an exorbitant luxury, and a sunset put an end to human activity. The towns were like scattered puddles, left behind by a receding tide, still holding some precious drops of electricity, but drying out in a desert of rations, quotas, controls, and power-conservation rules.
[…]
The plane was above the peaks of the skyscrapers when suddenly, with the abruptness of a shudder, as if the ground had parted to engulf it, the city disappeared from the face of the earth. It took them a moment to realize that the panic had reached the power stations – and that the lights of New York had gone out.”
These hedonistic luddites want to symbolically roll back every inch of human progress since Edison was awarded US Patent #223,898 on January 27, 1880.
Which makes me want to screw light bulbs into every orifice of the aforementioned luddites and then hardwire them to 120 volt AC.
But I’ll settle for some symbolism, because, unlike them, I respect and admire the customs, foundations, and institutions of human civilization.
What I’d LIKE to do, is re-work that video so that the soundtrack reflects the disgust and revulsion a thinking person should feel at the sight of the world’s greatest cities being plunged into darkness.
Problem is, I have no video-editing skills. Or even software.
Some I’m begging the readership to throw in on this one.
If you have an idea for an appropriate soundtrack for this video – like theme music from Friday the 13th, or REM’s “End of the World As We Know It”, or just screams of terror – toss it in the comments.
If you have video-editing skills and can re-do the auditories to better match this video atrocity, then put it together, upload it to YouTube, and drop a link in the comments. And don’t feel like you have to use the WHOLE video – at over 3 minutes, it’d be kinda tedious and unwieldy to work with. Slice, dice, edit, chop, mix, and match at your convenience.
If I have to settle for merely textually skewering these neo-hipster eco-tards, I’ll make do. But if y’all can help me whip up something a little more multi-media, I’d take it as a kindness and be much obliged.
Cold is the New Hot
I give up. These kool-aid swillers are unparodyable:
“Ironically, 2008 is on pace to be a slightly cooler year in a steadily rising temperature trend line. Experts say it’s thanks to a La Nina weather variation. While skeptics are already using it as evidence of some kind of cooling trend, it actually illustrates how fast the world is warming.”
[hat tip: Freemon Sandlewould]